Thank Goodness...

TGIF!

I sit here and start and stop paragraph over paragraph. I notice I have not posted since Monday...my Not Me Monday...and think about how it seems like an eternity since this week started.

• I am not at a lack for words, there was the moment I had a vision of clarity and for that brief instant could revel in all the joy that are my girls without being a parent and just be.
• There were the day(s) I just put my head in my hands at work and took a deep sigh at the audacity, opinions, nerve, idiocy of some people.
• There was the OMG-I'm going to be sick to my stomach because tomorrow is the first step in the process I tried to avoid.
• There was the - holy crap my baby has pink eye and the Dr. won't fit her in his schedule.
• There was the moment I realized I am teetering on the edge with a little girl who is smart enough to know better, who needs answers to the questions I am trying so hard at protecting her from...those moments when I wish there was a blueprint for parenting on how to handle the tough questions.

Yes, this has been a week from hell. Thoughts are swirling in my head, but only one keeps coming to the forefront. My daughter - the very being that I believe saved me from myself and yet, my need to talk about it all, to get the confirmation that I am not alone or even to get some much needed advice to tell me that they have been there and in the end, it works out...I cannot put it here. To put it here would be to publicly display my fears, my hurt, my wants and my wishes. To put it here would provide all sorts of ammunition to be used against me or to prepare a defense towards ... neither of which I am willing to do.

I am not alone in this battle that wages behind the scenes and consumes part of my brain and a large portion of my heart. I am not alone and the other party...well, they lurk from time to time and until this is over I will not play games with what needs to be done. I will not speak my mind, because I know they will twist my words and not understand the gravity of their actions. I will not share my fears because they will just prey upon those weaknesses.

Instead I will say...I am not gone, I am still reading and commenting as much as my soul will allow and above all else, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend - I know you all deserve it!

As I stood in the kitchen, grumbling to myself and loading the dishwasher, the hubs walked through the doors and knew I was in one of those moods.

Even as he stormed into the kitchen, demanding a hug...I stood there going thru the motions, he nuzzled my neck and said "You smell cranky" - I did not laugh, giggle or even crack a smile...he knew it was going to be one of those days.

Silently he went about helping me, knowing full well when I was ready I would let my anger go. Instead of going off to do the things he needed to do...he chose to spare the kids a meal of mac n cheese and made them real food instead.

As I talked, found the words to help release my frustration...he chilled a bottle of wine and did not say a word...just listened. And when I was finished, he poured me a glass, set dinner on the table and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

By glass #2, I was feeling better and life was back on track...but in the end all I could think was Thank Goodness today is FRIDAY!!!

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Margritaville Escape

To me it seems things are a little gloomier than normal lately - it seems everyone I know is hurting in some way so I thought we could all use a little vacation, a little sun and perhaps a little something with an umbrella.

As I made my commute to work this morning, I was channel surfing when I came across Margaritaville - an oasis of escape and I thought...that's just what I need (and I'm bringing you along too!)

Music often brings memories to life and today's was no exception.

Years ago when I was still in the military I was stationed on a tiny island and one of our regular haunts was called "The Boat." This place was nothing special, it was a large sailboat that had been pulled up on land had a BAR built around it, a custom tarp put over it (with the sail sticking up thru the middle) and the coldest beer you could imagine. The ocean, blues and greens, lapped at the edge just beyond the pavement slab we congregated at. Pool was free and there was always Jimmy Buffet playing thru the speakers. $2 longnecks and excellent music...what more could you ask for in your early 20's? I hoped it would never change.

It seems like forever ago that I was that person who could so easily turn a dark and dreary day around with just a little Cheeseburger In Paradise, but as the world keeps turning I get a little further from that person. Sometimes we need to be reminded that just because we don't live there doesn't mean we can't visit from time to time.

Today I'm headed over to Margaritaville with my flip flops and sunglasses...You bring the salt and I'll bring the Lime and together we'll escape this cold for just a bit!

Fractional Friday - Simple

I've started this post a few hundred times in the last 12 hours and each one has been discarded because somewhere after the IT'S FRIDAY bit, I find I either go off into left field trying to avoid a topic of discussion or spill my guts to the whole wide world (www) - neither of which makes sense at this point in the game.

So instead - I will admit, this has been a week of 1sts and lasts for me and I am happy to see it come to a close. I am going to unplug for the weekend and just spend some time with my family and plan for whats next and next week, hopefully I will be back to my much more cheerful state of mind.

I hope you all have a GREAT weekend - you worked hard, you totally deserve a fun filled weekend, so GO HAVE SOME FUN!!!

Fractional Friday

Random thoughts that permeate my brain today -

1. I want to go back home and crawl in bed. I am always so tired - I think this winter weather thing is starting to get the best of me. UGH!

2. I'm on Day 2 of my Special K challenge. I am doing ok, did 2 meals yesterday with cereal and one with a yummy garlic/lime shrimp salad, oh it was yummy. I am still on the wagon, so we shall see how it is going. You can still sign up to see if I fail and win a gift card...

3. I am excited about the weekend. No big plans except MASSIVE homework. UGH! Oh and we can't forget the laundry...always laundry.

Hope everyone has a nice, relaxing weekend! See you guys Monday.

Fractional Friday

It's Friday AND it's 2009. Can you say Whoopee! (Ok, I know I'm goofy, but come on this is exciting stuff)

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's Eve and has fully recovered from their excitement. Anyone broken their New Years Resolutions? Anyone still writing their New Years Resolutions?

I have been writing mine, rewriting and revising, then erasing and starting over. I know where I want to go in 2009, know the general vicinity of where I'm headed but have yet to pick a destination so...while I tweak that a bit you will have to bear with the me who is free to be whomever she wants. :)

Actually, I am not free...I will be posting the resolutions next week, have some fun/colorful changes planned for CafeKel and have officially started on the Master Cleanse Diet. Ok, so I don't prefer to call it a diet (because what is lost is usually gained back once eating returns) but if you haven't already heard of this, it is basically a lemonade fast - hence the other name as Lemonade Diet.

It is supposed to do wonders by detoxing your body and giving your digestive system a rest. I've actually done this before about 2 years ago and since the hub was going to detox himself (from our unhealthy ways of beer and buffalo wings) I thought what better time than now. I don't have to cook...my kids, well chef boyardee is their new best friend. (don't you just love the irony)

Anyhow, I am in day one and will be doing this for 10 days...oh joy...wish me luck and yes, I'll let you know if I find myself stuffed into a pizza box by Sunday! :)

Have a Happy Weekend!

Fractional Friday

Well it's the Friday BEFORE Christmas and I can only imagine that if you're anything like me, it will be as busy for you as it is for me.

I took this past week off of work and spent my time in a training class. Funny thing was that when I walked into the class on Monday, I found that I was the only currently employed person taking the class. Now, this was a company funded class given at a local public training facility...but can you imagine the look on my face, as we all introduced ourselves and it was revealed people were 'unemployed' and looking to increase their marketability by taking this class? Hum, I think my company is trying to tell me something.

I've slowly gotten my house to look like Christmas is finally here. The tree is up, the outside lights are up, presents have been wrapped, but yes, there are still a few left to get. Go figure, when I thought I was all done weeks ago, I found there were still a few I needed to get...it's never ending!

Christmas - family - shuffle. That's right, I like to call it the family shuffle because that is what it feels like each year as we attempt to juggle the different family sides. The hubs family, my family, our family etc. I'm sure you are all aware (as you each have your own families to make work) but oh how I wish I could just push the 'easy' button and it be done!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Fractional Friday

Yay for Friday! I'm so stinkin' happy its Friday, I will probably dance a jig all weekend long! :)

1. We finally got our Christmas tree yesterday (I know, way behind the power curve) AND I crawled up in the attic and got all the Christmas decorations sooooo...hopefully tonight we can decorate the tree and finish decorating the house...oh boy I just LOVE Christmas!

2. Christmas gifts have been bought, now I need to get them wrapped and given. I did a really good job this year of staying within the budget and I got most of my shopping done prior to Thanksgiving, but there have been a few little things that have come up between then and now...Problem is that I am HORRIBLE at getting stuff to the post office. Hopefully everybody's stuff will make it there on time.

3. Christmas cards were purchased and shipped 2 weeks ago...here we are half way into December and I still don't have them addressed. Once again, it's this love/hate relationship with the post office that has me going crazy. I don't mind getting it all done, I just hate the long lines at the post office (and yes, I need stamps)...ugh!

4. Time is running out - I have a training class scheduled for next week (8hrs a day), I've got a regular school class coming to an end which requires a final paper that I've got to get finished and family holiday time starts next week - seriously where did the time go this year??

How are YOUR weekend plans shaping up?
Only 13 more days till Christmas!

Fractional Friday

It's Friday again and you know what that means...Yep, random thoughts from the unknown...hehe

1. Holy Crap it's COLD! - Seriously now, this below freezing temperature stuff is for the birds (or should I say penguins?) I get that I don't have any control over the weather, but seriously, come on now...if I have to suffer thru this crazy weather, can I at least have some snow flurries to brighten my mood?

2. Food - food and MORE food. The only bad thing about the holidays is that there is so much food it's not even funny. (We could totally feed a small starving country with how much food there has been this week.) Had a luncheon yesterday at work for Thanksgiving, am having another luncheon at work next week for Thanksgiving AND we are having THANKSGIVING next week too. Oh.My.Gosh - I'm going to have to run 5 marathons to burn all these calories.

3. Thanksgiving - yep, it's next week. I am excited - not about the super duper long drive we are going to make with the girls to get there but about getting to see my family (and no, I don't have to go ALL THE WAY to hell, just close enough that the temperatures will warm up...and by warm up, I mean they are talking about going swimming?!)

4. Marathon - I am now down to the wire - in 2 weeks I will be putting my money where my mouth is and braving my very first Marathon. That right people...I'm either gonna sink or swim - but either way I'm sure it will be an experience of a lifetime. St. Jude Marathon is on December 6 and I along with many thousands more will brave the cold in support of a cause worth it's weight in gold.

5. Have I mentioned it's COLD! Unseasonably cold for this time of year and I chose this year to run a marathon...um, can you say CRAZY! Well, that is what I'm thinking each time I think I have to go out this weekend for one last fairly long run before the big day - it's been like -0 (ok, not really, but it feels like it) in the morning...I am not going to like being outside before the sun comes up...wish me lots and lots of 'hot' thoughts! :)

Hope you all have a great weekend - oh and check back on Monday, I have a little something for ya!

Fractional Friday

2. Short - It was only a 4 day week. For that I will always be grateful.

3. Thanksgiving - is right around the corner...hooray for another short week.

4. Family - I will get to see my family for Thanksgiving and I'm excited. I haven't seen some of them in a couple of years.

5. Shopping - I am not ahead in my shopping for Christmas, however I am ahead in my planning and idea department of what to get each person for Christmas.

***UPDATE***
My bloggy friend is having an AWESOME giveaway at her blog - make sure to stop by and comment for a chance to win a Wii and Wii Fit!!

Hope you all have a wonderful Weekend!
Don't forget to visit LaPetitChic for the giveaway!

Fractional Friday

Well it's finally Friday and I'm feeling 'craptastic.'

1. I should be thrilled the weekend is here, but instead I feel like I'm coming down with something. Yuck! Who wants to be sick on the weekend?

2. We are now only3 weeks from Thanksgiving - let the holiday mayhem begin. hehe I swear the holidays were invented just to drive us all insane.

3. With the holidays come family - I hate juggling family, "we need to visit this one, but I want to visit that one" and don't forget "if your going to be that close why don't you just stop by here too." I guess it could be worse...I could have no where to go and no family to visit...

4. The elections are OVER...I'm still so excited I don't have to listen to anymore debates for another 4 years!! Yippy!

5. Little Miss will be 1 very soon...I cannot believe how quickly time has flown by - now what to do about her birthday?

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Fractional Friday

Happy Halloween!!

1. School - Finally finished up my research paper for one of my classes...YIPPY. One down only 99 more to go. :)

2. Weekend - TGIF! Need I say more??

3. Halloween - the big day has finally arrived, DQ will be trick or treating the night away...now we've only got a few weeks until Thanksgiving. Seriously - this has got to be the busiest time of the year.

Fractional Friday

It's a 3 Day weekend so it's like a TGIF - Bonus!!

1. Columbus Day - I know, it's one of those cheesy holidays where some people get the day off and some do not, but for me - it's going to be a NON-Monday!! Yippy!

2. Parent-Teacher conferences - It was that time of the year again and I had to meet DQ's teacher. Very nice lady, nice things to say about DQ...is it sad that I thought it would be interesting to grab a beer on the way to the conference and show up with it in a paper bag, just to see what her reaction would be? (Guess, my redneck roots are showing) :)

3. Lottery - I WON! (Ok, not that kind of lottery) but I'm convinced I won the 'random call in the middle of the night' lottery. Why would I think this, you ask? Well lucky for me Not once, not twice but 3 times this week I've gotten calls on my phone at odd hours of the night (only to wake me from my brief/uninterrupted slumber.) There was a call at 3:21am one night (I do not answers numbers I do not know, if it is important they will leave a message and I will call them back.) There was one at 3:25am another night - another random number with no message AND the keeper was a picture mail at 4:45 am (see below)

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Fractional Friday

Friday once again and I will admit today is better than the last few... here's why.

1. Sick - I've felt like crap for the most of this week - today I finally feel better! I think I've been fighting off an illness and after many hours of sleep and just overall 'crappiness' I think I'm finally on the other side. It wasn't enough to put me out of commission (never any rest for the mama) just enough to make me miserable for a week.

2. Ball - This weekend is the Annual Navy Ball and the hub and I will be attending the festivities. I must admit that I have never been much of one to want to go to this, but he on the other hand has wanted to go for sometime. He has finally talked me into it and so this weekend we will be 'partying' it up in high fashion! (Don't tell him, but I am looking forward to it)

3. Shoes - Yes, this gets it's own mention, but because of the aforementioned ball, I went on a mission this week to find a new pair of shoes and **drum roll** I found the perfect pair of red high heels to complement my cocktail dress for the evening. Yes, I'm super psyched and it's taken everything I had not to wear my shoes every day this week. hehe (amazing what a new pair of shoes can do for a girl like me)

4. Costumes - The children will be getting their costumes this weekend...wish us luck! DQ has changed her mind so many times over the past two weeks, I'm afraid to actually purchase one for her!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Fractional Friday

It's that time of the week again...Friday...and all I can wonder is where has the week gone? I swear, each week time speeds up a bit more and I misplace more and more of my day.

So with that in mind, here are a few thoughts that are occupying space in my brain.

1. Little Miss - she's been sick the last few days so the hub and I have been 'tag teaming' her and juggling work. This makes for some tired parents.

2. Failing - as a mother, that is. There are moments in my days as a mother where I act, react, or overreact and instinctively know I have missed the mark. In other words, I have failed as a mother and it is only until that moment that I realize how very wrong I was. It is a horrible feeling.

3. Partys - October is next week which means our Halloween party is not far away. I've been diligently working on it behind the scenes so now is the time to start putting it all together. You can bet I will be asking for input in the near future, but who would have thought, something that is supposed to be simple and fun could turn out to be this much work? I sure didn't!

4. School - I am enrolled in school full time, working on my Masters. I enjoy school, but I have moments of 'total control' where I feel I can get it all done and make major headway and then there are moments of 'total laziness' where no matter what I do it's probably not going to get done and I will invariably end up behind the curve for a bit. For a while I was in front of the curve running like mad...then it kind of caught up with me and now I've been run over and am just starting to get up and dust myself off. It's much more fun to be in front of the curve!

5. Time - Just this morning I was wondering where it had all gone? Life has been crammed full of things that eat up my time and it seems I am running from here to there. I am not complaining (too loudly) because I feel I am very blessed to have the ability to do all that I do, but sometimes I just wonder, where did all my time go? Seriously, I used to have time to party with the best of them and keep going...now I'm lucky if I find time to shower alone!! haha

I hope everyone has an amazing weekend...hopefully this beautiful fall weather will hold for a while!

Fractionl Friday

Hooray for FRIDAY!

Today is much better than yesterday and true to form...my brain is a bit scattered this morning, but in a good way.

1. Stolen - Yesterdays post. It was short and to the point...my day had been hijacked and I didn't post until late last night, so I titled it "Stolen" - oddly enough, this morning I pop in and guess what? Yep, my post has been stolen...haha...actually, in reader I can see it, editing it, I can see it - however on my page...I cannot. Could I spend time to actually correct this, probably. Will I, probably not. I actually think it is kind of funny and fitting since that is pretty much how I felt yesterday!

2. Ending & Beginnings - The end of summer is here, which means the beginning of Fall is arriving. I love summer and have only since taken to liking the fall. This is probably due to the fact that growing up we had one season with a few variations. Summer - hot, hotter, hottest, and HOLY COW! It wasn't until I was about 19 or so that I got to experience 'fall' with the leaves and crispy wind. I thought it was the greatest thing since slice bread - I still have a thing for it which brings me to my next random thought.

3. Apples - I want to pick apples. We have an orchard or two very near our house and they offer picking of fruits during the seasons (strawberry's, apples, peaches, pears, blackberry's and raspberry's.) Right now, apples, pears and some peaches are still available. Personally I want to go pick apples and then come home and slave away making a homemade apple pie (or 2 or

Rarely do I do anything in small numbers so making a pie for us and typically that also involves friends and neighbors too. My mother was a homemaker - she made EVERYTHING and could cook from scratch like nobodys business. I don't cook like this often, but there are moments when I like to and I think this would be a great 'mother/daughter' activity for DQ and me. I'm excited (can't you tell) - hopefully she will behave at school so we can go this weekend.

4. Halloween - Yep, I'm back on that kick. I had kind of lost my drive for the Halloween party I have planned, but am slowly getting it back. Realizing that it is very near the end of September, I might need to get the invitations in order so I've been searching for those as well as costumes for everyone in my house. Every year I get these ideas of what I want to be, a gypsy, a ladybug, an 80's rocker, a pirate etc. Then I typically fall back on some variation of a Gothic/Elvira/vampires person. I get so caught up searching for the costume and wanting to be each one that I never get one nailed down and am scrambling at the last minute. Not this year.... I'm searching and hopefully by this weekend I will have it purchased and waiting in my closet for the big day..hehe

5. Love - Bloggy love to be exact. Today is my 100th post at CafeKel and while, this is not my first 100...I'm excited none the less. Goteeman was kind enough to bestow on me the gift of bloggy love and I'm thrilled. Actually, his words were the most touching ... 'honest and transparent.' It's odd that those words can make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but when I stop to think about it, I spent a good portion of my growing up 'playing the part' of who I thought I was supposed to be and knowing that I've stopped playing me and started becoming me, well...it feels good.

So in honor of post number 100 - I want to share some bloggy love with you -

Kim @JoggingInCircles - funny and poignent- this lady shares her love of the world thru some amazing pictures and her love for her boys is inspiring. You notes always bring a little extra sunshine to my day!

Kellan @OnTheUpside - A lady who has it all together (in matching bags and tied with a pretty bow) she always has a story to share and a kind word to say. You give me hope that one day I will get thru this thing called mommyhood with my sanity.

Krissy @FirecrackerMom - She keeps it down to earth with no sugar coating life. A woman of amazing strength who raises her daughter, is a wonderful wife and juggles the mirade of crap life deals her with a fight that I can only envy. She's there to make me chuckle (sometime throw up in my mouth) and plot revenge in the need arises. Thanks for being a friend!

I want to say Thanks to all the people who stop by - I have found a home here in blog land and am so happy to have neighbors like you! Each and every one of you brighten my day in someway - I just hope I can do the same for you.

Have a GREAT weekend!!

Fractional Friday 2

Once again it's Friday! YIPPY - at least that's what I think I should be saying. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the weekend, it's just that I've been a little scatterbrained this week. Since I did the Fractional Friday post last week and really liked it (not to mention it is kind of fitting for a scatterbrained me) I thought let you all in on where my brain has been this week.

1. Foot - Not in a lot of pain, but it aches. I didn't run Thursday, but I've scheduled an easy run for this weekend so hopefully, this will go well.

2.IKE! - Ike has tormented my poor brain this entire week! While I hated the idea of Ike heading back to the Louisiana/Mississippi gulf coast area, I really hoped it wouldn't head into Texas either. As Ike headed more for the southern part of Texas, I began to panic. 'Hell' as I more commonly refer to it, is where I grew up, is where my family still resides and Ike, was making a Bee line straight for it. After Katrina, I don't do so well with Hurricanes and have been pestering my family now for days...good news is that Ike has moved north and now they are mostly out of harms way.

3. IKE! - Yes, Ike is the primary focus of my brain activity because while I was mostly concerned with my own family and quite happy Ike decided to take a hike to the north...Ike, is now on a direct course headed for the hub's family. Yes, we are both Texas born and raised and can attest the old saying about 'once a Texan always a Texan' is typically true. Both our family's reside in the great state so this weekend will not be such a relaxing weekend after all.

4. Homework - Oh I know all too well about homework...I've been in school for what feels like forever. I'm not really complaining because I CHOSE to go to school and I enjoy it, I just get tired of the homework. I finished my Bachelors and went right into my Masters and dream of earning a PhD. one day so I know I won't be rid of it anytime soon, but sometimes I wish there was a way to go to school without homework!

5. Soccer - DQ has soccer again this weekend and hopefully it will go better than last. We lost the game last weekend, which we were kind of sad (we haven't lost a game in 2 seasons). The kids had fun and that is what counts, but I'm not entirely thrilled with her coach. For the fact that we meet to practice 2x a week I think the kids should be more focused and armed with some more definitive plans of attack, but instead they are kind of unruly on the field. Yes, I am one of those parents who critique the coach and I am all for stepping up and offering advice (solicited or otherwise) I am just trying to give the coach a chance to get his footing before I voice my opinion. He is new so I'll grant him that, but if we don't get something more organized soon, he and I are going to have a little chat.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend - hopefully not as 'fractional' as mine!

What are your plans?