Thank Goodness...

TGIF!

I sit here and start and stop paragraph over paragraph. I notice I have not posted since Monday...my Not Me Monday...and think about how it seems like an eternity since this week started.

• I am not at a lack for words, there was the moment I had a vision of clarity and for that brief instant could revel in all the joy that are my girls without being a parent and just be.
• There were the day(s) I just put my head in my hands at work and took a deep sigh at the audacity, opinions, nerve, idiocy of some people.
• There was the OMG-I'm going to be sick to my stomach because tomorrow is the first step in the process I tried to avoid.
• There was the - holy crap my baby has pink eye and the Dr. won't fit her in his schedule.
• There was the moment I realized I am teetering on the edge with a little girl who is smart enough to know better, who needs answers to the questions I am trying so hard at protecting her from...those moments when I wish there was a blueprint for parenting on how to handle the tough questions.

Yes, this has been a week from hell. Thoughts are swirling in my head, but only one keeps coming to the forefront. My daughter - the very being that I believe saved me from myself and yet, my need to talk about it all, to get the confirmation that I am not alone or even to get some much needed advice to tell me that they have been there and in the end, it works out...I cannot put it here. To put it here would be to publicly display my fears, my hurt, my wants and my wishes. To put it here would provide all sorts of ammunition to be used against me or to prepare a defense towards ... neither of which I am willing to do.

I am not alone in this battle that wages behind the scenes and consumes part of my brain and a large portion of my heart. I am not alone and the other party...well, they lurk from time to time and until this is over I will not play games with what needs to be done. I will not speak my mind, because I know they will twist my words and not understand the gravity of their actions. I will not share my fears because they will just prey upon those weaknesses.

Instead I will say...I am not gone, I am still reading and commenting as much as my soul will allow and above all else, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend - I know you all deserve it!

Indepenence

Little Miss came by her name honestly. She is very much my child and very much the hubs daughter...she is our own Little Miss Independent.

It was an evening like many others...dinner time had arrived and I got set to feed her some ravioli's.

As I hold up a spoon full, she pulls back and shakes her head NO. I tried to talk her into it to no avail and so I did what any self respecting mother would do and put the spoon in her mouth, convinced she would eat it, realize it was yummy and dinner would continue. She promptly spit it out.

So what do I do? How do I get my happy, just been bathed child to eat...Yes, that's right...I gave her the bowl, I gave her the spoon and went back to cooking dinner for the rest of the hungry, waiting family.

Did she eat? Yes, and then some....

Independence or stubbornness...do you get what you want?