College Life

I sit here tonight and wonder aimlessly thru my drafts looking for something worthy of a post ... nothing.

As I surf (should be working on the bathroom some more) and casually watch my Monday night TV show Greek, I think to myself...are college experiences really like this? Obviously, this is tv and so it cannot be anything exactly like this, but it is based on something, right?!

The show is based on the Greek system, college parties, boy/girl drama, finding hookups love, and finding yourself before you graduate...not so far fetched. None of this seems hard for me to grasp and yet, I think back to my college experiences and think...holy hell...I totally missed something if this is anything like college.

Yes, I was that girl. I did not like the greek system...the girls seemed superficial, the guys seemed egotistical and I...was exactly nothing like that. I took my snooty little nose, dressed in my all gap wardrobe and stared down at them like some lower class being. I was at school to learn and these people my peers were just blowing their time. Didn't they realize they needed a 10yr plan and that their actions had consequences and everything they did needed to have meaning??

As I look back on my 'college dayz' I see a miserable, lonely, self absorbed little girl. I can remember one frat party where I drank a few too many, some guy treated me like another ditzy airhead chickie and I...well, I punched him, he dropped his beer and it shattered. Oh, it was not pretty, he was furious pissed upset and I...I quickly made my exit, never to return again.

I did not have uber late night study sessions with classmates, I did not hang in the 'lounge' and meet people or sit on the green and play games. The time I spent in the cafeteria was to eat and go and I preferred Denny's...even then I was alone. Short of my stalker 1st roommate during summer school (can you say NERD that I went to summer school to start early prior to my freshman fall semester) I didn't really have friends.

SO...what I'm curious about for all you wonderful peeps out there is...what were YOUR 'college dayz' like? Did you party for 6 years? Did you go for a semester and realize this was not your cup of tea? Did you pledge a sorority and find sisters for life? Did you study hard and meet your soul mate in the library?

Tell me all about what YOUR experiences were like??

When is young too young?

One night over dinner, a woman at a restaurant remarked about my daughters and how she
"thought girls were easier that boys."

I politely smiled and responded with "I think they are equally difficult, it's just that girls are a bit easier when they are young and then they switch places and boys become easier during their teen years." She looked over at me and said - "actually, the difference between boys and girls in their teen years is that girls will tell you what they are doing and boys will just say 'ok, mom' and do it anyway."

It was a conversation between strangers and personally I cannot attest to raising teenagers yet, but I was confronted with a situation I was not quite ready for (I think I say that a lot these days) that made this conversation come blaring back into vision.

SEX - when do you bring it up? When does the topic of sex become a conversation to have with your children?

Shortly before bed one evening, DQ is getting dressed and I am waiting to read her bedtime story when she starts telling me that a little boy was telling her about a "girl who sucked a boy's thing." Out of the blue this revelation is told to me and I am caught off guard so I ask, "sucked his thing? What thing?" Hoping against all else that she is not talking about blowjobs, but she informs me by pointing that is indeed what she is referring to.

WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY NOW?? (mentally searching for the right answer)

So I probe a bit more into the conversation she and this little boy had (at school) to which I finally ask, "And, what did you say to him when he told you this?" DQ says "I told him Ewe - that was gross." Stuck somewhere between wanting to laugh at the comment, be a good parent and explain this correctly to her [without a lifetime of screwupedness], and wanting to shelter her and let the conversation go (she's only 6 - this cannot be the age for the sex talk can it?) I ventured into the realm of 'good parent' and tried to explain how to handle this situation if it were to come up again.

I am not entirely sure, but I can't imagine I need to explain what "sucking his thing" is to her(not yet anyway), I was however more concerned with the fact the conversation took place and what other conversations are being had by these children. I decided to explain to her that this was something she should not do, no one should ask her to do this, or touch it or show it or see it. These are private parts for NO ONE to see and if someone asks she should say NO as loud as she can and run away. She should then go tell an adult.

She took it all in stride and went on like it was no big deal, all the while, me-the parent, is still searching for the answers. I have to admit *hangs head in shame* my first thought when she told me this was to tell her that is gross, nasty and bad and tell her that is how babies are made. I thought if I could scare her, perhaps I could protect her, but just as fast as the thought appeared, I also realized that not knowing the truth is sometime more destructive in the long run than having some accurate knowledge.

I was preparing for 'the talk' at about the age of 8...never in my wildest dreams did I think these topics would show up now. Now, I'm not sure what will come up next - when did kids stop talking about playground topics and start talking about sex topics?

What do you think is the right response?

My Teacher Likes It

I've said it once, I'm sure I'll say it a million more times during my lifetime...
Raising girls is not an easy task.

Then again, I don't think raising boys would be much easier. Either way, I tend to my daughter on a daily basis and despite my best effort, she has a way of making me question my success as a mother. (How do we measure success as a mother?)

See, my daughter started 1st grade this year and because we start school so early here, she has been in school for 3 weeks (plenty of time to get the hang of things.) My daughter LOVES to talk - always has and talking is her biggest problem area in school.

She is smart and does very well in the academic area, however, her conduct for talking has always been less than stellar. Last year we implemented a reward systems based on her daily color conduct chart. There were rewards for Green - Excellent and punishments for each color there after. The punishments were not severe, yellow was a loss of dessert with dinner, blue was a loss of a movie, dessert and cartoons the next morning before school and so on. She struggled with green last year. More often than not she had yellows, but there were those rare occasions where she would have a week of all green and her reward was a day at Chuck E Cheese. (She still asks for that as her BIG reward)

In preparation of this impending year I put a lot of thought into her behavior and what we would do about it. This year, she will get letter grades E, G, S, N, & U and for each there should be a reward/consequence. E&G = reward, S = loss of a privilege and N&U = punishment (I pray everyday I don't see these letters.) Being that she is getting older (thinks she is grown) I want to provide her more of an incentive in the areas that I think she will struggle...E. It's not that I think she can't do it, but more along the lines of probably won't do it because she likes to tell me, "Mom, it's ok...I just like to talk."

So with a system in place we start the year. Her goal is to get an E and for every E she gets during the month, I will give her $1 at the end of the month to do with as she pleases. For an entire week of E&G I will take her to Chuck E Cheese or some other activity of her choice. She is excited with this idea.

The first week comes and goes and there are no E's. She did good, G & S...and some almost E's but almost doesn't count I explain to her. Week 2 comes and goes and she has E, G, and S. She is very excited to have earned $2 that week - we mark it on her calender so she can keep track of it. Week 3 begins and so far this week she has gotten E's on both days.

She is VERY excited.

I am very excited for her.

Then she informs me...her TEACHER likes her to get E's.

But...but...what about me? What about MOM? You know, the one who wants her to do her best? Doesn't mom like her to get E's?

I won't complain too loudly, because at least she cares...I just wonder if my success as a parent - my ability to motivate my child to do well is really a reflection of me or her teacher?!

I am amazed at how one little girls statement can reduce me to a questioning idiot...now I just stare in the mirror and repeat... I am the momma. I AM THE MOMMA!

Do your kids ever make you question yourself? Did your teachers or your parents opinion matter more?