Not so Special K....

It's been 4 weeks since the start of the Special K challenge I chose to embark on and I'm sure you're all waiting with baited breath to see if it was at all successful..........




dum, du dum dum dummmmmmmmmm




Um, yeah, I suck at challenges! No I did not succeed at 6lbs.

I started out good, stuck with the plan then started to deviate from my snacks leading into the oblivion of veggie sticks and protein water. Cereal got old (as I am not a breakfast person to begin with) and about 2 weeks into the Special K challenge I dumped the cereal breakfast and just stuck with a modified diet of carrot/celery sticks, cereal meal replacement bars and a regular dinner.

I lost about 3 lbs up to this point and was convinced I would succeed. Then crap hit the fan and I wallowed a bit in my bag of Hershey's cherry cordial filled kisses (can you say heaven in a little piece of foil?) I reverted back to my favorite drink of choice...coke...and slid all the way back down the hill I'd so diligently crawled up.

So here we are - to the day I must admit, I sucked at this one and have not gained anything over where I started, I am 2 lbs lighter than when I was but we are not going to count that.
I'm not happy with the results, I am not happy with how I look...but I am getting there - I just wish spring was here already and this dreaded coldness would leave!

Instead I'm going to get the rewards I promised in the mail and look for the next challenge.


Any suggestions???

Beauty is skin deep?

As I stood in front of the mirror this morning, smearing on Nivea Anti-Wrinkle and Firming cream, I had a thought...am I being suckered?

Early in my youth, I like most people believe my beauty will last forever (ok, not forever, but pretty darn close.) Growing up in Hell should have required use of LOTS and LOTS of sunscreen, but instead we chose to slather on baby oil and Tropicana Tanning spray. We were always oiled down and positioning our lounge chairs to maximize sun exposure. The ever elusive brown skin we were after was just the other side of that little plastic bottle and I was sure that my naturally, pale white skin was really just some evil trick and that god had intended me to be much darker.

I don't have a history of skin cancer in my family so when the fear of 'sun exposure' made all the headlines, I didn't worry. Aging and wrinkles and leathery skin - were of no thought, because I had to be like, um... 60 to get that right? I was sure I would be old and on my death bed long before I saw the dreaded outcome of so much sun exposure. Youth - oh how I long for that complete naivety again. Somewhere around my 18th birthday, I met a woman who introduced me to facial products and a regime of skin care. She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever met - only she was not your typical tall, slender, bronzed beauty. She was instead, a plus sized woman with porcelain white skin and jet black hair. She spent many years educating me to the wonders of skin care and what a value sunscreen really is. She convinced me that aging starts now and I will be much younger than 60, not likely on my deathbed and much too late to reverse the damage if I did not change my horrible ways.

I tried - I began using lotions, masks, facial peels, body scrubs, herbal makeup blah, blah blah - but for a girl in her young 20's it's really hard to believe I will ever grow old and not look like I did back then. Eventually it all stopped and I fell back into my old habits somewhere around the time I was criticized for having such pale skin. (Ok, I was called PASTY and who really wants to be referred to as 'the pasty girl?) Time went on and I had a child, work took precedence, life happened and a few years later I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the face looking back at me.


Who was this woman with the dark circles under her eyes? The lines in her brow, the wrinkles, the bags...where had the youthful glow, I used to have, gone? I knew I had to change and so I dug in the recesses of my mind and found that beauty regimen I had forgotten about, headed to the nearest store and stocked up on products all claiming to "eliminate" this or "reduce" that. I was convinced I would find a much more 'youthful' me - the 'beautiful' me I had lost, just inside that container labeled $29.95.

I did not find the me I had lost, but what I found was much better.

No, I did not find a miracle cure in a bottle and I am not here to sell you on Nivea under eye anti-wrinkle cream or Oil of Olay vitamin C capsules or any other number of a host of products. Most of the products I tried did produce some type of result in the initial phase, but never completely 'removed' the aging I was trying to escape. What I learned in the process though, was that the laugh lines in my face show that my life is full of love and good memories, the wrinkles in my brow - are worry that only a mother can know as she watches her child become an independent little person. The lines and circles that appear under my eyes are from many sleepless nights when a child is sick or the love of my life is away or a dear friend is needing comfort from the loss of someone close.

The me, that I see each morning is not someone to be ashamed of but someone to appreciate because she is living life - the good, the bad and everything in between. This is not to say, I am going to throw in the towel just yet because I still want to look my best, but no longer am I so concerned with the routine of products I must apply each night before bed or each morning before work. Don't get me wrong, I still apply a little 'firming' cream here or there but I'm no longer trying to hide from the me I'm becoming, instead I try to cover up some of the more obvious "party like a rockstar" moments.

Do you believe in Aging gracefully?

First Impressions...

...Are not always 'spot on.'

I have been going to the gym since the temperatures have dropped some and my beloved daylight slips off much too early in the evening. I thought some indoor running might compensate for this lack of energy to really go 'out' to run and here lately I've been taking DQ with me.

There are classes for the kids and the other night, after I finished my run - I stopped in to get DQ from the tumbling class she choose to attend. While in there I noticed a little girl, 7ish who was not so little. She was actually a rather 'large' little girl who was trying to do cartwheels and flips and stuff the other girls were doing. She, however, was having trouble getting her legs high enough in the air to go all the way over.

I sat and watched this little girl try many times to do this and I was inspired by her will - personally, I would have stopped after a few rounds ending on the floor, but she did not. As I watched, I could only feel pity for this girl - obviously we live in a time where a lot of children are not healthy, but times have not changed that much since I was a little girl and kids are hurtful.

I sat there and watched and waited as the kids finished their class and at the end of the class a woman, very much resembling this girl, walked in and waited. I noticed this woman, I could not miss the resemblance between her and her daughter - she was not there to work out (she was in blue jeans), with her overall disheveled appearance. I smiled as I past this woman on my way out all the while wondering why she was at the gym and why she was not setting a better example for healthy living for her child.

In the days that followed, I noticed this woman more often. It turns out she works at the gym in the child care center any one day she stopped me and asked if DQ could sit with her girls and have some snacks. This woman, who did not know me from anyone else, went out of her way to be nice to my daughter, the only other little girl waiting for the class to begin.

I know it's not much, it's really more like nothing, but something inside of me is ashamed. Not for the way I treated this woman, but for the way I originally 'thought' about this woman, based solely on what she looked like. I don't think of myself as someone who judges based on appearances, I try very hard to look past them because I know very well how deceiving they can be and yet on this occasion - while I didn't treat her any differently I looked at her differently. I saw her as someone who was hurting her child by not taking steps to teach her a healthy life.

I don't know this woman, I don't know her story, I don't know what she does or does not teach her child, but in that moment I passed judgement from one mother to another. Motherhood is hard enough with out judgement from strangers...life is hard enough without judgement from strangers.

Classy Chaos recently posted about appearances - it struck a chord with me because I've worked a long time to not be that person who sees 'hired help' or someone of a different social class and dismisses them based on that alone. I go out of my way to speak, smile, acknowledge people and perhaps I had gotten complacent in my efforts. Perhaps that is what makes this so much more personal for me - I thought I was beyond this behavior and yet I see that just because my words are not verbalized....my thoughts still affect my actions.

I still do not know this woman's story, I do not know what she does or does not teach her child, but I know that she tries, she provides her child with an option to be active and the tools to learn a healthier lifestyle. In her own way, this woman taught me a lesson, one I still need to work on.

Have you ever had a first impression turn out to be wrong?

Battle of the Spanx

What woman does not want to look her best?

Certainly I am no exception, but looking great is not always an easy task. Looking great requires time and energy, sometimes it requires a little creativity and inginuity and for me, it requires quite a bit of effort and up keep. Hence, this post.

• 3:00pm - Decide to get ready for evening out.
• 3:10 - shoo baby away from toilet paper roll, Place dress in a handy but unreachable (by grubby baby hands) place, set shoes next to dress.
• 3:15 - find spanx so that slimming dress will look even better!
• 3:25 - Stare at spanx and wonder how to get big thighs in without using large crane like machine.
• 3:26 - begin process of squeezing oversized body into undersized undergarments, suck in and hold breath while jumping furiously up and down.
• 3:30 - gasp for air as I have finally gotten in and did not pass out in process
• 3:32 - Admire slimming figure in mirror - attempt to figure out how to breath while encased in spandex
• 3:40 - Track down missing baby, remove toy from mouth that was found in sisters bedroom and return to bathroom with said child, DO NOT STEP on toys placed strategically on floor to occupy child.
• 3:50 - Begin curling hair
• 3:51 - realize that I have to pee
• 3:52 - set curling iron down and begin process to remove slimming wrap
• 3:55 - pee
• 3:56 - keep baby from unrolling all the toilet paper
• 3:57 - begin process of putting spanx back on
• 4:00 pm- jumping complete, breathing again, begin curling hair
• 4:10 do not let said baby grab the cord that has dropped within reach while curling hair above ear - must apply ointment for burn
• 4:15 - stop child from unrolling toilet paper, resume hair curling
• 4:16 - realize I am finding it difficult to breath, chalk it up to price to pay to look fab
• 4:20 - notice child is not in bathroom anymore - go in search of baby
• 4:30 - child hungry, must feed child before getting dressed.
• 4:50 - return child to bathroom to keep an eye on her, must pee AGAIN....damnit
• 4:51 - decide it can wait, must finish hair
• 4:52 - stop child from unrolling toilet paper AGAIN
• 5:00 - Running behind schedule, really need to pee...
• 5:01 - remove spanx and pee
• 5:03 - attempt to put spanx back on without jumping...wiggle, stretch and pull...give up and jump
• 5:08 - must re-fix hair that was undone during jumping
• 5:10 - give up and let child unroll ALL the toilet paper
• 5:20 - Baby sitter arrives, hand child to her and finish makeup
• 5:30 - slip slimming dress over the suffocating spanx and admire finished product. Stunning!

Smile sweetly at hub as we exit and try to figure out how I'm going eat dinner?

When is young too young?

One night over dinner, a woman at a restaurant remarked about my daughters and how she
"thought girls were easier that boys."

I politely smiled and responded with "I think they are equally difficult, it's just that girls are a bit easier when they are young and then they switch places and boys become easier during their teen years." She looked over at me and said - "actually, the difference between boys and girls in their teen years is that girls will tell you what they are doing and boys will just say 'ok, mom' and do it anyway."

It was a conversation between strangers and personally I cannot attest to raising teenagers yet, but I was confronted with a situation I was not quite ready for (I think I say that a lot these days) that made this conversation come blaring back into vision.

SEX - when do you bring it up? When does the topic of sex become a conversation to have with your children?

Shortly before bed one evening, DQ is getting dressed and I am waiting to read her bedtime story when she starts telling me that a little boy was telling her about a "girl who sucked a boy's thing." Out of the blue this revelation is told to me and I am caught off guard so I ask, "sucked his thing? What thing?" Hoping against all else that she is not talking about blowjobs, but she informs me by pointing that is indeed what she is referring to.

WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY NOW?? (mentally searching for the right answer)

So I probe a bit more into the conversation she and this little boy had (at school) to which I finally ask, "And, what did you say to him when he told you this?" DQ says "I told him Ewe - that was gross." Stuck somewhere between wanting to laugh at the comment, be a good parent and explain this correctly to her [without a lifetime of screwupedness], and wanting to shelter her and let the conversation go (she's only 6 - this cannot be the age for the sex talk can it?) I ventured into the realm of 'good parent' and tried to explain how to handle this situation if it were to come up again.

I am not entirely sure, but I can't imagine I need to explain what "sucking his thing" is to her(not yet anyway), I was however more concerned with the fact the conversation took place and what other conversations are being had by these children. I decided to explain to her that this was something she should not do, no one should ask her to do this, or touch it or show it or see it. These are private parts for NO ONE to see and if someone asks she should say NO as loud as she can and run away. She should then go tell an adult.

She took it all in stride and went on like it was no big deal, all the while, me-the parent, is still searching for the answers. I have to admit *hangs head in shame* my first thought when she told me this was to tell her that is gross, nasty and bad and tell her that is how babies are made. I thought if I could scare her, perhaps I could protect her, but just as fast as the thought appeared, I also realized that not knowing the truth is sometime more destructive in the long run than having some accurate knowledge.

I was preparing for 'the talk' at about the age of 8...never in my wildest dreams did I think these topics would show up now. Now, I'm not sure what will come up next - when did kids stop talking about playground topics and start talking about sex topics?

What do you think is the right response?

I can't have a Big Mac?

Everywhere we look there is something new pointing to the dangers of being overweight. Now laws are being passed banning this or enforcing that in an effort to make consumers aware of what we eat.

Yesterday a headline read: "L.A. wants to clamp yearlong ban on fast food" in which

"The City Council was poised to vote Tuesday on a moratorium on new fast-food restaurants in a swath of the city where a proliferation of such eateries goes hand-in-hand with obesity."

We are now going to have our choice of food restricted by the city and/or state because they are grouping all of us as obese? What about those of us who are not? I know McDonalds might not be the healthiest choice for dinner, but on occasion I like to go and eat a Quarterpounder and fries.

A few weeks ago this article was released "New York City Resturants post calorie information but others lag behind."

The new rules are part of an anti-obesity campaign that has also included a recent citywide ban on artificial trans fats in restaurant food.

Calorie information has long been made available to the public via websites and pamphlets in the eateries, however in many instances (as made public by the movie SuperSize Me) many times this nutritional information is not properly posted or is unavailable at locations. With the ruling in New York, the calorie information will be posted next to the food item in the same size font as the price. Talk about a shocker.

As an avid eater food conossour I am always interested in food trends and health. In early July, the latest results of of the 'fattest states' were released. My state ranks #3 on this list, so perhaps I should care less about the regulations, but I think perhaps there is more to blame than just the food.

1. Activity -It is a well known fact that we, as americans, are not the most active group of people. If you think about it, most of us spend 8-10 hours in an office, typically behind a computer. The only real workout we get is our fingers going type-type-type on the keyboard. Technology affords us the luxury of not having to get out of our chairs by enabling us to email documents instead of hand walk them, google information instead of manually searching thru stacks of books. Just for giggles wear a pedometer to work one day and see how many steps you actually take from the time you leave your house to the time you leave work - if I don't make a conscious effort at work to get up and move, I don't get very many at all
2. Cost - Along with health news there is massive information floating around drawing our attention to the economic turmoil all around. Recession, depression, economic downslide, fall of the dollar-these are all terms that have been spouted at some point in time. Fall out of this...higher grocery prices. Milk is right at $4 a gallon. Come on - seriously, a cow's milk cost that much and we're not even talking organic. Fresh vegetables have gone up, fresh meat has gone up...what items are cheaper in the stores??? Frozen, prepacked goods and canned items. The larger your family, the harder it is to buy all fresh all organic.
   

It's a sad thing when I can go to the grocery store and buy 2lbs of lean ground hamburger meat, a package of buns, lettuce, tomatos, pickles and cheese and spend $20 when for the same $20 I could have gotten 2 value meals and 2 kids meals for the same price - which included fries and a drink. Bottom line, fast food is cheap.

I thought it only fair to mention this article "Heavy? It might be your neighborhood"

A new study found that the year your neighborhood was built may be just as important as diet and exercise for shedding pounds. Those who live in neighborhoods built before 1950 are trimmer than their counterparts who reside in more modern communities, the study reported.

I agree with the take away message of the study:

“The take away message is that we’ve got to start building communities the way we used to. Prior to World War II, we basically built walkable communities, but for last 60 years we’ve been building sprawl and people don’t have to be physically active as part of their daily lives.”

I like having things within walking distance and am more apt to walk there as opposed to drive across town for the same thing (especially with the rise in gas prices.) But even still, food is only part of the problem, activity levels are another part.

Don't get me wrong - I'm an advocate of healthy eating, teach our children and ourselves how to eat properly and it will go along way. I'm also a fan of being busy. We do not sit in front of the computer/Wii all day, we get out and take bike rides or walks in the neighborhood and play sports. I just don't think that rules and regulations should be imposed on me and my family's choice of foods.


What are your thoughts on National Obesity and the changes taking place?

Wrap Up

Well it's finally friday - TGIF! I thought I would wrap up my week of body image with a quickie.

Yesterday evening the hub and I went out to a rooftop party downtown. We have been talking about the festive summer rooftop parties for 3 years, but until last night, had not attended one.

Let me say - it was a blast! We don't go out very often without the kids so this was a real treat, but the party itself...I wish I had done it sooner.

What I noticed most about the party was not what people were doing to make it great, but more the diverse crowd that was there. People of all ages, decked out in their summer, party attire, out to enjoy the music. By all ages, I'm saying ages between 18 and 60 - EVERYONE was having a good time.

To be comfortable enough with yourself, to dress in the latest fashions and party like a rockstar at ALL ages is one of the coolest things I think I've seen in a long time!

So go have a great weekend and enjoy being you!

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

Cut

I've been on a body issue week and the first few posts seemed rather easy in their relevance (at least in regards to my life.) Now, I've admitted that I have a few body issues, but for the most part my issues are resolved to a couple of major ones and most of the rest don't apply, however in my search for a song I heard recently on the radio I came across another one by the same artist that struck a chord with something I've long since forgotten about...pain.

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

Let me start by saying that, personally I was never a cutter, but I've been very close to a few and even though I did not carry out this act, I was addicted to pain and found relief from my misery by inflicting it on myself. I'm talking physically hurting myself, pushing my limits just to see how far I could take them - someone once told me "pain makes us stronger" - I took that literally.

This was many years ago, when I felt powerless, confused and trapped. The circumstances outside of my control led me to seek the only things I could control; me and my body. I am not alone in this, unfortunately, because not everyone gets past it. It can be a very dark place in someones life and can carry on for a long time. Fortunately for me, I was able to move on and found wonderful people who were able to accept me for what I "thought" was me which helped me to start the process of accepting myself.

To those angels who carried me thru some dark times...I can never thank you enough. I often wonder where I would be today if I hadn't gotten past those feelings, the hurt, the feelings of powerlessness. It's hard and our coping mechanisms for our emotions come in all forms, shapes and sizes. So do the people it affects. It is not always obvious, on the surface, who is facing these demons - I was active in sports, school, socially...yet in the quiet hours alone I would face my thoughts and hide in the only comfort I knew...pain.

Why do I reveal this? It's simple - this is not me, not anymore, but it was me, a long time ago. Each day I go thru life, one day further from that person and those thoughts get buried underneath everything that is now, but this still happens around me.

You are not alone.

Watch Video:

Cut (Plumb)

Video Code provided by MusicRemedy.Com

Swimsuit Brigade

Continuing with the Body Image theme I thought I would take today to highlight another brave woman who is calling it like she sees it. **don't worry I'm clothed!** hehe

I became aware of Suzanne and her campaign for the 2008 Swimsuit Brigade (2 years running) shortly after I accepted the sexy challenge. "What a honest, self empowering, contradiction to what we see each and every day" I thought, but I would never do that. I, like most women out there, dread the summer months. No, not because it is hot - I actually look forward to the heat, longer days, the ability to play out doors and the variety of activities that become available for me and the family during this time of year. Unfortunately, as much as I enjoy the outdoors and swimming...I hate wearing a swimsuit. Once again, the battle scars that reflect the life (and love) I've had, make me want to hide myself in the shadows of a clothed body.

Seriously?

Yes, despite my last post (or any other previous information put out here) I am very self conscious of my body in a bathing suit. I can say that a lot of this self loathing for the way I looked started years ago with my first failing marriage. I hate to admit it (because I like to think I am mentally stronger than this) but I let this person mentally abuse me and belittle me and learned to hate my body because it was not the "perfect" size, it was not tight or toned or curvy or voluptuous or any of the other 'wants' he desired at that time. I have since come to terms that I will not be "perfect" however these things still lurk in the back of my mind. So in reality, while I can pose 'seductively' I do not feel as exposed as I do in a mere bathing suit.

Sad..I know. Hypocritical..possibly.

This is not to say that I don't believe this should be ignored or over looked just because I'm "shy." There are many of us out here who, for whatever reason (media, past experience etc.) believe we should be ashamed and cover up ourselves.

So today I am casting off my bathing suit cover up and joining the 2008 Swimsuit Brigade.
Will You?

Sexy

Last week, the Sexy Diva posted a video of herself doing a 'sexy' dance and then proceeded to challenge the rest of us Sexy Women to do the same. Ok, so she didn't say we had to post the sexy dance, we could do a sexy picture or a sexy thought or pretty much anything that made us feel sexy. So me being me, and not being able to resist a good challenge, decided to participate.

Well this participation couldn't be just any ol' 'sexy' photo - I was determined to make it one CrAzY sexy photo, silly and probably over the top. To me, the best part about being sexy is being fun. Now where in the world am I going with this post...just stay with me and you will see.

This got me to thinking about "sexy" or really what it is that I think is sexy compared to what I am led to believe is sexy from the media. Now we all know sex sells, why else would we have half naked women running around commercials about cars (or any other product?) No, I am not a prude and can appreciate the human body with the rest of them, but if I look at it from a mothers stand point - what do I want to teach my children?

Do I really want my daughters growing up in a world where they think they have to show skin to be sexy? To be liked? To be popular or cool? No, but in reality, this is what is portrayed by the media and in all honesty, I am no better.

Case and point: My first idea for a photo to this challenge...

Once upon a time, I thought of myself as sexy. Over a decade ago I would have gone up against anyone who challenged that just to prove them wrong. 10 years later, that belief is gone...I wouldn't even attempt to consider myself "sexy" outside the 4 walls of my very own house, but even still...I proceeded to play along.


The thing about being a woman, about growing up, is that no matter what age I am, I still want to feel sexy. I want to make my husband smile that sly smile when he thinks of me, I want to be as attractive outwardly as I feel inwardly. So what has changed me from the what was to what is?

Battle scars of life.

• I have had 2 beautiful little girls - I've got the scars and stretch marks to prove it.

• Saggy body parts - I've gained and lost weight over the years, gravity is now taking it's toll

• Wild Youth - I wanted to be cool when I was younger, I now have scars from piercings years ago

But are all battle scars of life bad?

• Are the laugh lines that are beginning to appear from a life filled with good times considered unsexy?
• Are the wrinkles around my eyes really that bad if it shows the sleepless nights I've spent with a sick baby?
• Are the callouses on my feet that bad if it reveals my love of late night dancing with my friends?

We look at life as we grow older and try to hold on to pieces of our youth because this is what we see each day, all around us...but what if we changed our perception of what is sexy? What if what was real became what is sexy?

The moments we don't care about our hair or striking a perfect pose for the camera?





The moments we are caught 'in the moment' and unaware of anything around us?


The moments when life falls into place and we couldn't ask for more?







I'm talking about life...what if life became sexy and by enjoying life, we believed we were sexy. Wouldn't that be a concept?

Will you show the world your inner sexy? What do you think is sexy?

Monday Madness

After a very interesting and challenging weekend (thanks Krissy) I have decided to dedicate a few days this week to body image. I never really stopped long enough to acknowledge the role in played in my own life until this past week...so todays Monday Maddness is

Body Image

1. 90 Calorie Snacks. Are they really that much more healthy for us or do they just package 90 calories worth of snacks for us?
I am known for stocking my pantry with these because I am too lazy to portion out my own stuff in baggies...I'm such a sucker for marketing.

2. Air Brushing. Does every magazine have to airbrush away the wrinkles on the models?
I buy the creams and lotions, but not yet has my face turned back 10 years of aging.

3. Sexy. When did Cosmo and Maxim become the experts on Sexy?
I know, I buy the magazines too, but theres got to be more too it than smoky eyes and a come hither look, right?!

4. Makeover shows. We make them popular by watching, but are we watching to root for the people going thru it or are we watching to prove to ourselves that it really can be done?
I used to watch the swan and think that could be me with a little more effort and a lot more money...nope, still haven't gotten there, nor do I have 10 weeks to devote to "the biggest loser" ranch. Guess I'm S-O-L.

What are your biggest peeves with the unrealistic expectations the media portrays of women?

*As a note - I want to say Thanks to all of you for your wonderful ideas and inspirations for how to keep the blogging going! It was much appreciated!!!
~K