Fear is....

Fear is...
...being told, at 20 weeks pregnant, that you are in premature labor, you are bleeding and there is nothing more the doctors can do for you except pray.

Fear is...
...letting your 9month old child go as you get on a plane, headed to a war somewhere far away knowing this could very well be the last time you ever get to see her or hold her again.

Fear is...
...working for just enough to cover the daycare expenses and other necessities of raising a toddler and wondering if you will ever be able to provide you child the type of life they deserve.

Fear is...
...packing what little you can into the truck of your car, along with your cat and daughter and joining the hundreds of other motorist in a last ditch effort to out run one of the most devestating hurricanes to hit the US. All the while knowing you may have nothing left to return to and you were barely holding on to begin with.

Fear is...
...watching your child be hurt by the actions of others, careless, thoughtless, apathetic adults who have no sense of compassion and being powerless to do anything to prevent the pain that results.

Fear is NOT...
...checking on your child at 10:30pm and realizing she is not in her bed. (Not unsual as I find my child with make shift beds elsewhere all the time)

...not being able to find said child after searching all the usual places she ends up after deciding she does not want to sleep in her bed.

...searching for your child for 20 minutes, turning every light on in the house and shouting her name because the house alarm has been on since you tucked said child into bed and no doors have been opened.

Fear in NOT...
...Finding said child comfortably asleep under her sisters crib, neatly hidden by her sisters crib skirt, curled snuggly up with a blanket....

...That my dear friends is....
PANIC and the utter self restraint to not hug said child until their eyes bulge from their head in an effort to throttle them because you were seconds from having a heartattack!


*****edit******
On a side note, I wonder if perhaps said child did not think this was some clever way to get her mamma on a slightly early April Fools joke??? ;)

What is YOUR best/worst April Fools joke memory??

Happy St. Patty's Day

Today is the day fer the wearin' o' the green.Today is the day when the little people are seen.Today is St. Patrick's Day, so if ye'r Irish me lad,Join the celebratin' fer the grandest time ta' be had.

Ya' put yer hand up in the air, the other hand on your hip.Ya' tap yer toe, ya' tap yer heel, ya' bounce yer knee a wee bit.Ya' prance 'n dance around the room, n' circle one two three.The saints be praised, I must admit, ya' all look Irish ta' me.

****Enjoy the day (Irish or not) and I hope you all find your pot o'gold!

Happy New Year

Wishing you all the best in 2009.

Resolution Review

The great thing about blogs is that you can document things...namely New Years Resolutions.
The BAD thing about blogs is that you can document things...unfortunately New Years Resolutions.

As this year 2008 comes to a close I look back at what I thought I would accomplish, at what I wanted to accomplish and, well, what I didn't quite so much accomplish.

#1 Forgive and let go - After many days of contemplation, I am ready to forgive myself for my faults, for my shortcomings, and for my failures. I want to let go and move on so that those wounds can heal

Did I succeed? I'd have to say it's yes to this one. I'm not going to say the process is completely finished and I've closed the book on that chapter, but I can admit that there were many things troubling my mind and my heart when I started this year that I have been able to let go of. It's been a process, but I'm glad I can finally lay some of the heavier burdens to rest.

#2 Finish school - I am finally only a few hours away from completing my degree. I started this full time about 2 years ago and now the light at the end of the tunnel can be seen. My goal for this one is to get it completed this semester so I can walk across the stage in June. (classes are online so I can finish anytime, however graduation is every year in June)

Did I succeed? Yes! I walked across the stage with the hub this past June and then I got to spend a fun filled, adventure packed weekend with him (sans kids) in Denver. Unfortunately for us it didn't last long since now we are both pursuing our Masters, but hey...I've got one down and one to go with infinite possibilities...learning never stops!

#3 Run a marathon - this was one of those goals I had set for last year, I actually wanted to attempt the St. Jude half-marathon (which is in December) but because I got pregnant, it wasn't really doable. Good news is that I am not prego anymore and I am free to resume this goal. I've actually modified it a bit and now I want to run the actual marathon instead of the half.

Did I succeed? Yes, most importantly, yes. It is the challenge I needed in my life to push me onto the next step in this journey and while there were times I struggled with wanting to quit and times I told myself there was nothing difficult about it all...in the end I learned. I learned a little more about myself in the process and I completed my very first Marathon on December 6, 2008 as I ran to support the children of St. Jude.

#4 Finish house - Well, I guess completely is a little far fetched, but I would like to have the rooms painted and the master room decorated by the end of summer.

Did I succeed? Well, that is debatable. We've continued to work on the house and we did purchase a new bed and our color/decorating scheme has been decided on (thanks to the new bedding) but the house is still a work in progress...I imagine it will continue to be though.

#5 Certification - I would like to have one certification completed by the end of the year, preferably security, but anyone will suffice

Did I succeed? No. I'd like to say yes, but I have to admit while I did go thru training the week before Christmas in an effort to fulfill this goal, I have not achieved it just yet. I am scheduled to take the examination in January so hopefully...

#6 Lose weight - I want the rest of the baby weight gone as well as a few extra pounds, if I can stay on schedule with the marathon training then this should take care of itself...lets hope!

Did I succeed? If I have to start the sentence with "that depends" the answer should be NO, but I'm gonna call this a success. I did lose all the baby weight, which was my goal - however the few extra pounds have come and gone with the weather and who knows if I'll ever really let them go. It's not where I want to be, but it is a healthy weight and I've dropped a pants size (beyond what I was before I got pregnant) so I won't complain. I stayed relatively on track for my marathon training so I'm going to chalk this one up to 'muscle weighs more than fat right?!

What about you? Did you keep to your New Years Resolutions??

Holiday Memories

When the weather turns, the air gets crisp and fall comes to a close, I find myself fumbling thru memories of my childhood. Time has clouded much of the early years, but there are things that have left lasting impressions on me to this day.

One thing I remember most clearly was the smells. My mother was a homemaker and she was always crafting something, but this time of year brought about tamales, which are a staple where I grew up. Tamales are a very time consuming process - it takes HOURS to cook the meat (pork, chicken , beef) and then season it to perfection. Masa must be made, corn husks must be soaked, the tamales must then be assembled and rolled just so and then the finished product needs to be steamed for a few more hours. Dozens upon dozens would be made, sorted and wrapped for delivery during the holidays and these were primarily only made during the 'cooler' months in hell (november/december.) Each day I would arrive home from school to find pots of meat on the table, steamers on the stove full of tamales and my mother covered in masa as she continued to make more. The house would be warm from the cooking going on in the kitchen (no we did not have central heat back then, only a little space heater) and you could smell the food long before you even opened the front door.

I may not live that far south, but this is a tradition I have brought with me wherever I go. Just a few weeks ago I cooked up a batch of tamales for the family and friends - it was so very time consuming, but so yummy too. The change of seasons just makes me want to cozy up in the kitchen and cook.

Another memory I smile at during this time of year is the decorating for the holidays. I can remember the day after Thanksgiving going out in the garage and digging out all the boxes of christmas stuff. Decorations (mismatched and mostly handmade), multicolored christmas lights that played music for the tree, patchwork quilts, cross-stiched wall decorations and tinsel by the handfuls would be spread about the house in hopes of brightening everyones spirits.

Outside I would loveingly adorn our 'Lone' tree and massive bush with strands of lights from years past. Some would blink, some would stay solid, some were 'tiny twinkle' lights and some were the old school 'screw in light bulbs.' Rarely was anything uniform, it was typically som type of incoherant christmas mess, but it was as festive as a childs imagination could make it.

One of my more funny decorating memories is the year I decided to decorate my fathers 1976 Chevy Pickup truck that took up permanent residence curbside in front of our house. This truck had easily lived thru better years and my father would not part with it. It was loud (could hear him coming down the road 6 blocks away) had an am radio, windows that didn't always roll down (manual crank) and often times did not want to start. That season, it found itself parked and I decided (in my youthful wisdom) that it should be decorated. So I tied ribbons and bows to it, wreaths to the front and back, garland (cheap, non weather resistant garland) along the sides and then took shoe polish and wrote "Merry Christmas" upon the windows. It was definitely a sight to behold...but one thing about my parents is that they never said a word.

The memories I have are more than items bought for me - they are experiences that I was fortunate enough to have. Childhood goofiness I was able to relish in and little moments that have stuck with me thru the good and bad. I look back now and realize that while there weren't family traditions instilled in me(singing christmas carols around the tree), fancy family vactions to look forward to each year, or expensive presents to adorn the tree - my holiday memories are none the less happy. Yes, perhaps there are those memories that have been tarnished with time and perhaps still, some have been broken or lost - but I can say that the ones that meant the most to me have stuck with me thru the years and can be dusted off each time I need a smile. I just hope that I can help my own children to have the kind of memories they too will look back fondly on one day.

What is YOUR Holiday memory?

Happy Thanksgiving

The house is bustling about - the turkey is frying, the pastries and pies are all cooling while the sounds of chopping and chatting compete with the cheering and booing of the football game on TV.

This is my Thanksgiving Day in a glimpse...I have not had a big family thanksgiving day like this in - well I can't say when I remember the last one I had with my family - extended family (friends who are very dear family) but not blood line family. Even as I sit here and blog about all that is happening around me - I am oddly at peace and quite happy to just be apart of it all.

Thanksgiving is many things to many people - history has a weird way of twisting the meaning of thanksgiving if you let it, but for me - regardless of how it started or quite how we ended up here - I am very thankful to have this day to celebrate family, friends and life.

I have had the opportunity to share many of them with you, my wonderful bloggie friends, with whom my world would be a little dimmer. Today with my heart bursting at the seams, so much to be thankful for - I want to pass on my thankfulness to you - for being apart of my world and allowing me to be apart of your world.

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving!!

My Wish List - Giveaway

It's Monday and that usually means Monday Madness...Well it is Monday, so let the madness begin!

This is a special week - it's Thanksgiving which in turn means....*drum roll* Black Friday - the biggest shopping day of the year. If you are like me - typically I am working which means that by now, I have most of my shopping done, which has entailed many countless hours spent shopping online at my favorite stores searching for the best prices and working out 'free shipping.' (I am master at online shopping - hehe)

Anyhow, each year around this same time, the infamous question of 'What do YOU want for Christmas' comes up in conversation and typically the answer from most grown ups is 'um, oh I don't know' or "I haven't thought much about it." I am notorious for this type of answer and I used to get such dirty looks from my family until something spectacular happened.

One year, many years ago someone (I think it was my sister) bought me a pair of pajamas for Christmas and I fell in love. They were the coziest pj's I had ever had and I thought I was in heaven. Follow the next Christmas and what do I ask for but another pair of PJ's and so on and so forth...thus began my LOVE of pajamas. I am not a stay in bed all day kind of girl - but I can rock the PJ look ALL DAY (yes, my hubby still loves me) and admit that I probably have more pairs than I will ever know what to do with, but still - I ask for more.

What is your point - Kel?

Well, a few years ago I was introduced to this wonderful site PajamaGram and it became my all time favorite place to shop. I have ordered many birthday and Christmas gifts from here and they never fail to excite the lucky recipient. They come in the most pleasant little hat box wrapped with a pretty bow...(yes, can you tell I am in love?)

So, since it tis' the season for spreading a little love I have decided to giveaway a gift certificate to one lucky person who can share it and purchase a gift for someone else OR (if your like me) can indulge in your own personal pajama fetish. :)

Pajama Gram Giveaway

To Enter:
1. Leave a comment below with one thing that is on your wish list this year.

Additional Entry
2. Link back to this post on your blog
OR
3. Tweet about it (just be sure to let me know @cafekel)

**Entries will be accepted from November 24 - November 30 (Sunday) and close at 12am CST December 1st. The winner will be picked at random and will be announced Next Monday.

**You do not have to have a blog to enter, however you must provide an email address for me to contact you if you are chosen. You can provide it in the comment section or email me directly cafekel [at] gmail [dot] com.

Also this week - I will be traveling to visit family so I have lined up some AWESOME ladies to do guest blogging. I know you will enjoy reading them as much as I do so be kind and be sure to stop by and say HI!

So share the giveaway love and let me know what's on your Christmas Wish List this year?

Party Review

If you've stopped by anytime in the last month, chances are that I've mentioned the Halloween Party we were getting ready for - Yes, I stressed and obsessed over it for longer than I probably should have, but in the end - it was a BLAST!!!

I will admit, the days leading directly up to it were busy...busy...busy and there was little room for rest, but with the hubby's help (he was my sanity when I was running short) we managed to pull it all together and everyone left with smiling faces.

We had an appearance from Elvis (or perhaps better put-dead Elvis), a Jailbird and her bananna, a few skeletons and vampires, Cats galore and even some super famous crime fighters to name a few. We had games and prizes for the kido's (I'm pretty sure their favorite was pumpkin bowling) and we even got the Adults to play some games as well. Oddly enough, I think the adults enjoyed the games as much as the kids.

I think my biggest fear heading into all of this was 'what to feed them?' There are SO many awesome recipies out there - ideas to make ordinary treats with a little extra special halloween flare - that I had a hard time narrowing it down, but it seems all were happy with the variety of snacks and desserts. Conversations flowed easily around the firepit, dancing was a must in the house, kids playing tag with sounds of laughter filling every corner of the house...it was all very much worth the stress I went thru getting there.

At the end of the night, everyone headed home and we all slept like babies. One thing is for sure - I would do this again...Actually, I WILL do this again next year. There is just something amazing about watching people come out, chat amongst different social circles and just enjoy the evening. Halloween - its not just for the kids anymore!!

What's your best Halloween Memory??

Monday Madness - Columbus Day

Today is Columbus Day and I am enjoying my 3 day weekend, but I can't help but wonder how it is that I am so fortunate to HAVE today as a government holiday - or any of the other random holidays.

1. October 12, 1492 - That was the day Columbus 'discovered' america. If he had not done this perhaps, we would all not be here, BUT - technically we weren't the first ones here, didn't we overrun the Indians who were here...hence why do we celebrate it?

2. Discovery - Despite the fact there were Indians here at our arrival...it is debated as to who actually 1st discovered america. We know other people set foot here first, but Columbus was the first to widely distribute information about it. Either way doesn't that make it a 'rediscovery?'

3. Time Off - The government recognizes today as a holiday, but most places do not, because it is not a 'big deal' - so ... if it is really a give or take kind of holiday, why do we still have it?

Hope you all have a Great Monday!!

Holidays and Hurricanes

It's Monday and it is a Holiday. I want to keep send a special note out to everyone and say Happy Labor Day!! While I am off enjoying my day off there are others who have fled their homes from the gulf coast region as Gustav makes landfall.

I have been up all night, unable to sleep constantly checking his progress - when my hub asks what is wrong all I can say is that this feels a bit too familiar from the last time. We were there for Katrina and I remember all to well what it was like to have fled and waited and wondered what I would be returning to and then to come back to the desolation that remained.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by this - for everyone who is fortunate enough not to live in this area I send a very happy holiday wish out to you.

Have a wonderful day!
~K

Long Weekend Ahead

TGIF!

It is finally Friday and it is also the start to a long weekend...that's right, It's labor day weekend! I am more than ready for this weekend to be here and for the much needed day off on Monday. We are planning a fairly relaxing weekend - nothing major, perhaps a trip to the Zoo, a movie and some back yard B-B-Q time with friends, but not much else.

In the spirit of keeping things light and breezy I will keep this short and simple...

I hope you all have a wonderful and safe holiday weekend!

~K

Party Planning

I've always been a planner - I plan how my day will go, I plan what I will say to so-and-so, I plan what my house will look like some day, I plan how I will teach my children, I plan for what type of job I am going to have someday, I plan what kind of FUN parties I will have with my friends ... and the list can go on (but I won't bore you because I'm sure you get the idea.) The problem with this is that even though I am a planner, I am not always so good at the execution of the plan.

Case in point: I am in the planning stages for a Halloween Bash at my house.

Yes, this is mid-August and I realize that Halloween is in October, but there is SO much I am wanting to plan for...decorations (need lots of them), Food (what is going to be my theme) Invitations (evite or paper), People(how many), Games (kids and adults), and most importantly what am I going to wear?

These are just a few of the questions I've been racking my brain with lately...fortunately Google provides some links to some wonderful sites that share valuable information and my MIL has graciously helped in the decor department by sending the hub back with her stash of Halloween decorations. Now as for the rest...still yet to be determined.

In my mind, I have grand visions of happy people, kids games (bobbing for apples, toss the bag in the pumpkin etc.) food and merriment all around. In real life - I often wonder if this is a pipe dream or if perhaps I could pull it off. Up until this year, we have not hosted parties like this...typically our residence was too small and we stuck to the traditional 'have friends over for dinner' recipe. Now, however, we can do these things, but I am still a novice. What do I feed the masses? How do I get the most for our money? How do I make sure there is enough variety to keep everyone happy and keep the party lively?

This is where the part about "not being so good at the execution" comes in. See, I am obsessing now...I will probably obsess right up until the big day, buy WAY too much stuff and end up with only a few people. Most of which will be our close friends who will drink a bit, let the children run like wild banshees and enjoy some good conversation. So, why do I just plan for this type of party?? That's simple, there is something fun about a big lively party where everyone dresses up in costume that you just can't get from a few people 'hanging' out together (plus, people usually feel like a dork dressed in costume with just a few people.)

Yes, I'm sure I'm obsessing a little bit at this point - perhaps this is normal (I didn't obsess this much over my wedding and it was just fine). Instead of worrying too much I thought I would throw this out to all of you, wonderful readers - you know what you like.

What is your favorite part about attending party? What do you dislike the most when attending a party? Any great Halloween party memories?

Happy Memorial Day

To all the military members who serve everyday, past and present, today is for you.

Thank You!