For as fast as this year has flown by, there have been moments of time ticking by painfully slow. When I started the year, I made a resolution to 'feel' something because I felt so detached from everything and emotionally numb. I wasn't sure what that journey would entail, but at the time it was what I wanted most in my life. Now that the year is past I can honestly say that I succeeded, but as is life...with the joys come the sorrows and I felt both.
I'd like to think that somehow I mistakenly chosen the wrong 'personal goal' and somehow fate had determined mine should have been 'change,' but I believe now that change in an unhappy (but necessary) requirement when it comes to breaking out of the emotional box I had been protecting myself with. Change, oddly enough, was the consistent part of my life over the last 12 months as I experienced loss of a friend, hope that things would be
Yes, I realize the list above lacks words like joy and happiness and I did feel those too, but for every high the low was exceptionally low. The funny thing about this year is that no matter what, I never doubted that I would get through each moment. The belief that it was temporary and it would pass kind of drove me through the various emotions. So I sit here today and contemplate what do I hope/want/desire/wish for next year and I realize that this year was much more than I ever imagined. It taught me faith. Faith in myself (which I am still working on) and faith in others around me.
I don't know what 2012 has in store for me (and part of that is frightening,) but I'm going to make a point of embracing the possibilities that lie ahead. Both good and bad are an unfortunate part of life that allow us to break barriers and become more than we are today. So I am going to continue down the path of self rediscovery and allow myself to be open....
Next year is all about the Possibilities!