Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Resolution Review

The great thing about blogs is that you can document things...namely New Years Resolutions.
The BAD thing about blogs is that you can document things...unfortunately New Years Resolutions.

As this year 2008 comes to a close I look back at what I thought I would accomplish, at what I wanted to accomplish and, well, what I didn't quite so much accomplish.

#1 Forgive and let go - After many days of contemplation, I am ready to forgive myself for my faults, for my shortcomings, and for my failures. I want to let go and move on so that those wounds can heal
Did I succeed? I'd have to say it's yes to this one. I'm not going to say the process is completely finished and I've closed the book on that chapter, but I can admit that there were many things troubling my mind and my heart when I started this year that I have been able to let go of. It's been a process, but I'm glad I can finally lay some of the heavier burdens to rest.

#2 Finish school - I am finally only a few hours away from completing my degree. I started this full time about 2 years ago and now the light at the end of the tunnel can be seen. My goal for this one is to get it completed this semester so I can walk across the stage in June. (classes are online so I can finish anytime, however graduation is every year in June)
Did I succeed? Yes! I walked across the stage with the hub this past June and then I got to spend a fun filled, adventure packed weekend with him (sans kids) in Denver. Unfortunately for us it didn't last long since now we are both pursuing our Masters, but hey...I've got one down and one to go with infinite possibilities...learning never stops!

#3 Run a marathon - this was one of those goals I had set for last year, I actually wanted to attempt the St. Jude half-marathon (which is in December) but because I got pregnant, it wasn't really doable. Good news is that I am not prego anymore and I am free to resume this goal. I've actually modified it a bit and now I want to run the actual marathon instead of the half.
Did I succeed? Yes, most importantly, yes. It is the challenge I needed in my life to push me onto the next step in this journey and while there were times I struggled with wanting to quit and times I told myself there was nothing difficult about it the end I learned. I learned a little more about myself in the process and I completed my very first Marathon on December 6, 2008 as I ran to support the children of St. Jude.

#4 Finish house - Well, I guess completely is a little far fetched, but I would like to have the rooms painted and the master room decorated by the end of summer.
Did I succeed? Well, that is debatable. We've continued to work on the house and we did purchase a new bed and our color/decorating scheme has been decided on (thanks to the new bedding) but the house is still a work in progress...I imagine it will continue to be though.

#5 Certification - I would like to have one certification completed by the end of the year, preferably security, but anyone will suffice
Did I succeed? No. I'd like to say yes, but I have to admit while I did go thru training the week before Christmas in an effort to fulfill this goal, I have not achieved it just yet. I am scheduled to take the examination in January so hopefully...

#6 Lose weight - I want the rest of the baby weight gone as well as a few extra pounds, if I can stay on schedule with the marathon training then this should take care of itself...lets hope!

Did I succeed? If I have to start the sentence with "that depends" the answer should be NO, but I'm gonna call this a success. I did lose all the baby weight, which was my goal - however the few extra pounds have come and gone with the weather and who knows if I'll ever really let them go. It's not where I want to be, but it is a healthy weight and I've dropped a pants size (beyond what I was before I got pregnant) so I won't complain. I stayed relatively on track for my marathon training so I'm going to chalk this one up to 'muscle weighs more than fat right?!

What about you? Did you keep to your New Years Resolutions??

Monday, December 29, 2008

Forgiveness...I've come this far

January 11, 2008 I posted the following entry below on my old blog, the first of 5 resolutions for this year...
It's been a few days since I posted, I'm not sure why it has been so hard - it just seems that I can't find the words to express my thoughts lately. There have been so many of them since the start of the new year and many times I have started to post, but stopped only to find myself writing a jumbled mess. Even today it seems this too will turn out that way, but just maybe this process will help me begin to sort it all out.
I don't know if it is my need to have a new years resolution that has sent me down the path of my past, if having all the emotional/hormonal stuff that comes with having a new baby, or if it is cosmic fate that is leading me to re-exam my past, but I have been dealing with some of the things that I never really let go of before. I know that during the "growing-up" process we learn to make choices, we learn who we are and what we stand for, but what happens if during those crucial years you never learn those things...what if all you learn is how to deal? How to deal with pain. How to deal with rejection. How to substitute fake for real and find alternate methods of love when life makes you feel as if you never had any? I believe the growing process never stops, but somewhere inside me I had started to believe that I had become grown and was just tweaking who I was.

I look at my past and try desperately to figure out who I was then, but even now there is no clear answer. I was a lot of things, the only thing I know for sure is that I was searching for something that seemed so elusive, that I just started to accept anything in its place. I wasn't a bad person, I did have some confused ideals at the time, but I wasn't bad. I wanted to be loved. Even now I struggle with the need to be loved...not that I am not loved, I guess truth is I have a hard time accepting love or letting myself be loved.

Why was it so hard for me? When did it start? Where does this feeling come from? Those are the questions I wish I had answers for, but I don't. It scares me because I would never want my daughters to feel the way I did. About 15 years ago I started to wonder down a path, I was damaged and broken and didn't even know it. I struggled at every turn trying to cover the issue, fix me, but I never knew I was broken. About 4 years later I met someone who touched my life and helped me believe in myself again. It was brief, but the impact was immeasurable. Truth be told, I slid down hill a bit and as fate would have it, this same person came back into my life and helped me get it back together. They restored my faith in me and I never even knew it was happening. Despite this, I had never worked thru some of the issues I had, I never healed my wounds...I only covered them up and hoped like hell they would go away, but they didn't.

Recently words were spoken that had a profound effect on me. Just a few simple words sent me right back to those moments, ripped the old wounds open and left me feeling helpless. I struggled with the belief this could happen, of course not - that was such a long time ago, it is impossible. Not true. I have revisited those memories and I don't want to feel that way again, I don't want to be able to be controlled by them. After many days of contemplation, I am ready to forgive myself for my faults, for my shortcomings, and for my failures. I want to let go and move on so that those wounds can heal.
Resolution 1: Forgive and let go
Even now as I look back on the year I can remember vividly where I was at that moment and all that I was feeling, struggling with. In an effort to make good on this resolution I set out with good intentions and read a few books, wrote open letters and focused on why I was so hurt after all this time. Now as 2008 comes to a close, here is what I learned.

Forgiveness is something only YOU can give YOURSELF.

To the person who taught me "love hurts" - I forgive all the wrong doing on both our parts. I was too young to truly understand and I let you manipulate me for your own gain and then make me believe it was my fault. While you were the first real 'emotion' I let myself feel, you were not the last, and I thank god every day I am still here today.

To the person who taught me "relationships don't last" - I forgive us. I forgive us for so much of what we did to each other that left such an imprint on me as to what 'relationships' are like. Not every relationship is a failure waiting to happen.

To the person who taught me "to question my confidence" - I forgive. Not by words but purely actions did you manage to convey this lesson and I have hated you for a long time. Belief in myself can be freely given at anytime and the time is now.

To the person who taught me "I am selfish" - I forgive me. You gave so much and I took it all when in the end I could only give a little, I am sorry. I will never be able to tell you how much you did for me, but no longer do I need to carry the shame in knowing what I did was wrong.

To the person who taught me "dare to dream" - I am forever grateful. We've fought many battles and while the war may not be won, I know that with you in my corner anything is possible. You give me strength to be better than I was today and for that Thank you.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas

I hope yours if filled with holiday cheer, love and hope for a bright new year!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Elf Restroom

The hub is a dork...I love this man with all my heart, but I have to admit he is a dork, and yes he approved this blog.

Over the weekend we traveled to visit his family (9hrs away) and we brought Jr back with us. During one of our gas/bathroom stops along the way I head into the store to take care of the bathroom part of it while the hubs gets gas. He finishes up and heads inside before we hit the road where he meets Jr (who is still in the bathroom.) While the hub is in there he mouths (in his best Elf impersonation)

Hey! Have you seen these toilets? They're ginormous.

Which wouldn't be a big deal, except for the fact that Jr has already headed out of the bathroom and now the hubs is unknowingly talking to strangers in the Men's room.

Note to self...check before making funny movie references in a public restroom!

Only one more day....

Monday, December 22, 2008

Monday Madness - Christmas Cards

Have you ever tried to coordinate the family Christmas Card photos? OMG - I usually leave this up to the professionals, but this year, decided to try it ourselves.

Take 1: Little Miss wants to take the photo, DQ thinks funny faces are great and Jr, well he doesn't want to get near this crazy bunch.

Take 2: The hub and Little miss are enthralled with something on the ground. Jr on the other hand hasn't decided he likes us yet...

Take 3: DQ is tired of smiling, Jr has decided 'we aren't so bad after all' and little miss is all about having a good time.
Take 4: Little Miss has a booger and Jr has decided he's tired of smiling. 3 out of 5 facing the camera...headed in the right direction. Take 5: Ok, we've got 4 out of 5 looking at the camera, can we get one more??

Finally - although it may not be perfect we are all smiling and looking at the camera and I'm tired happy.
So if you get a card and it's not quite right...just know we tried (really hard) this year!
Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Fractional Friday

Well it's the Friday BEFORE Christmas and I can only imagine that if you're anything like me, it will be as busy for you as it is for me.

I took this past week off of work and spent my time in a training class. Funny thing was that when I walked into the class on Monday, I found that I was the only currently employed person taking the class. Now, this was a company funded class given at a local public training facility...but can you imagine the look on my face, as we all introduced ourselves and it was revealed people were 'unemployed' and looking to increase their marketability by taking this class? Hum, I think my company is trying to tell me something.

I've slowly gotten my house to look like Christmas is finally here. The tree is up, the outside lights are up, presents have been wrapped, but yes, there are still a few left to get. Go figure, when I thought I was all done weeks ago, I found there were still a few I needed to's never ending!

Christmas - family - shuffle. That's right, I like to call it the family shuffle because that is what it feels like each year as we attempt to juggle the different family sides. The hubs family, my family, our family etc. I'm sure you are all aware (as you each have your own families to make work) but oh how I wish I could just push the 'easy' button and it be done!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

To Give

Belle of the Blog is having a most awesome giveaway on her blog that is in keeping with the spirit of the holidays...the spirit of giving. Inspired by Ferrero Chocolate and Share Our Strength, to enter, one must post about an act of kindness they've received and why it touched their lives. I've been fortunate enough to have many angels in my life along the way, but there is one who has a special place in my heart and here's why.

My very first year of college was a difficult one, partly because I was coming out of a difficult time in my life and partly because, well teen years are just plain difficult. I graduated high school and immediately started college, living in the dorm and struggling to make ends meet, I soon found myself working a job at the local mall. I had never worked retail before, but I was in the company of some really amazing ladies and I loved every minute of it. Months went by and I became friends with R who introduced me to her brother Woody. Both R and Woody were older than I and a lot more together than I was so when I found myself homeless, due to the closing of dorms for Christmas break, they opened their home to me.

That winter Woody became like the brother I never had, we talked and he was interested in my thoughts...nothing like the other guys who were interested in anything but my thoughts. Remember I mentioned I wasn't in the best place in my life and due to other circumstances I needed to move out of the dorms(permanently), only problem was I didn't have anyone I could move in with and I needed 1st and last months rent to move into an apartment, money I did not have. After a few weeks of spending time with Woody he offered to give me the money for the down payment on one condition, that I agree to help someone else along the way when I have my act together.

It's easy to look at this little story and see that what he did was perhaps not such a grand gesture, but in truth, it had a bigger impact than he could have known. At that point in my life I was teetering on the edge of a cliff and if I'd have fallen off, there would have been no return. Woody, a guy who barely knew me, took a chance on me. He challenged me to be better than I was at that moment in my life and while I could have just as easily taken the money and ended up a much different person, the fact that he believed in me was enough to give me the courage to step away from the edge of that cliff and get my life back on track.

Woody moved shortly after that christmas and I have not heard from him since then, but I still think fondly of this guy who took a chance on me.

Has someone inspired you with an act of kindness?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dear Lost

Dear Lost,

You called the other day and after many 'unanswered' calls I finally picked up. The conversation had been played in your head many times, only this time it wasn't your script that you were hearing, but the silence on the other end of line - silence that mirrored how empty I felt as I listened to you talk.

What was wrong with me? I usually have so much to say in return, the words of wisdom, the antics to lighten the mood and make it all seem better than it really is - my ability to find the silver lining hiding within that dark, monsterous cloud.

I had none.

Instead as I listened to you talk, listened to you go on about how bad things were, how terribly wrong everything had gone in your life - there was no empathy, no sympathy - nothing but the hard, cold anger coming from somewhere deep within. Some place I did not even realize had give birth to such bitterness.

I knew, some time ago, things were going down for you and I could not face how I felt - I could not pretend to smile in the face of it all, so I stepped back and just stopped. Over and over in your life, time after time, again and again you have faced this same crap - it seems to always be just around the next corner and when life starts to get better, you manage to find your share of crap hiding under a rock.

I tried with you - I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, I tried to support you because that is what I thought I was supposed to do, but one day you took that away from me. In an instant, your blind rage ripped the rose colored glasses off my face and left me hurt and humiliated. I have never fully forgiven you for that day. It is this seed that has grown over time, this tiny little speck of nothing that has turned into so much more. It was this action that has found the equal and opposite reaction of today.

I know all too well just how difficult this time of year is for people, how lonely it can be. I do not know if you hoped I would open my doors to you - welcome you into the warmth of my world to shelter you from the storm now brewing in your own, but I did not. A mere passing thought, as I listened to you talk that in the end was met with three solitary words.

I. Am. Sorry.

I am sorry for all that you have gone thru. I am sorry for all the pain in your life. I am sorry that you chose to make bad choices when you felt you had none other to make. I am sorry that you feel so alone with so many around you. I am sorry I cannot, no, will not, give more to you than what I can give at this moment.

I Love you from the depths of my soul and it is because of this that I can only say I am sorry. We all must find our way, carve our path, and lie in the bed of choices we have made. Those were your choices to make and now I too must do what is best for me and my family. Choices I do not know if you understand yet, but hopefully one day you will.

I know you love me too - it is evident in the way you put on a brave front when I did not respond as you had hoped. Evident because you did not ask, even though you know I would have a hard time saying No. Evident because you have chosen to move forward as best you know how.

The time will come when my anger subsides and it is all right again. The time will come when I can give more of myself to you, more energy, more sympathy, more of what you need. The time will come - it always does.

Only in Time,

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Intruder Alert

The other day, while I was at work, I received a phone call -

Mrs. Kel, we've received a signal that your house alarm is going off, would you like for us to call the police?

I rushed home that day, fear and anger cursing through my veins. How dare someone choose to violate our house, our stuff -intrude without being invited. I was mad, but not because our 'things' might be gone, but because the thought of irreplaceable things, like our photos(on my computer) or little token mementos the hub has given me might forever be lost.

In that space, fueled by my own blinding rage I ripped open the door to my house and proceeded to inspect each room like a mad woman. I'm not sure what I thought I would find or even if I'd really thought thru what I would do if I did find someone (perhaps threaten them with my cell phone) but I did not find anyone and everything looked just as it did when we left that morning.

That morning I lost a little innocence, my false sense of safety and yet I gained an insight into a part of me I had never seen before.

I've worked hard for what I have today. The hub and I have worked together to build a comfortable life for our family and while there are things I would be sad to see gone, material things that can be replaced, I know that my families safety is what matters most. In that brief moment, knowing my family was safe despite everything else that might have taken place was what mattered.

And I know my weapon of choice if ever caught off guard is most likely my cell phone!

Do you remember your first thought in a panic?

Monday, December 15, 2008

Monday Madness - Gingerbread House

1. Gingerbread House Kit (ready to assemble)

Only 11 more days 'till Christmas...Have you been good this year??

Friday, December 12, 2008

Fractional Friday

Yay for Friday! I'm so stinkin' happy its Friday, I will probably dance a jig all weekend long! :)

1. We finally got our Christmas tree yesterday (I know, way behind the power curve) AND I crawled up in the attic and got all the Christmas decorations sooooo...hopefully tonight we can decorate the tree and finish decorating the house...oh boy I just LOVE Christmas!

2. Christmas gifts have been bought, now I need to get them wrapped and given. I did a really good job this year of staying within the budget and I got most of my shopping done prior to Thanksgiving, but there have been a few little things that have come up between then and now...Problem is that I am HORRIBLE at getting stuff to the post office. Hopefully everybody's stuff will make it there on time.

3. Christmas cards were purchased and shipped 2 weeks we are half way into December and I still don't have them addressed. Once again, it's this love/hate relationship with the post office that has me going crazy. I don't mind getting it all done, I just hate the long lines at the post office (and yes, I need stamps)...ugh!

4. Time is running out - I have a training class scheduled for next week (8hrs a day), I've got a regular school class coming to an end which requires a final paper that I've got to get finished and family holiday time starts next week - seriously where did the time go this year??

How are YOUR weekend plans shaping up?
Only 13 more days till Christmas!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Where is it?

Me - DQ, come with me and get your bag from the car so I can go to work.
DQ - What bag?
Me - The bag your book came in, you have to take it back to school today.
DQ - Where is it?
Me - In the car (opens car door) DQ, where is your bag?
DQ - I don't know, I left it in the car.
Me - No, its not better get in the house and find it before you go to school.
DQ - Will you help me find it?
Me - Seriously?


Me - DQ, how was school?
DQ - Good, but I lost my lunch box.
Me - How did that happen?
DQ - Well I finished my lunch, got up to leave and then remembered it so I went to get it and it was gone.
Me - Seriously...gone? Did you look for it?
DQ - Yep, everywhere and I couldn't find it. Can you take me to the store to get another one?

Me - DQ, where's your gameboy, I need to charge it for the trip.
DQ - I don't know.
Me - Well you need to get up and go find it.
DQ - (after frantic 30 seconds of searching) Mooooooom - I can't find it, I don't know where it is?
Me - Keep looking. Did you look on the shelf? The Night stand? In the Gameboy case where it should be?
DQ - Yes. Yes. Yes. It's not in either place. Will you help me find it?
Me - Seriously??

My child, finder of little, loser of A LOT.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Need a Smile?

A little giggle from me to you!

What makes YOU giggle?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Holiday Memories

When the weather turns, the air gets crisp and fall comes to a close, I find myself fumbling thru memories of my childhood. Time has clouded much of the early years, but there are things that have left lasting impressions on me to this day.

One thing I remember most clearly was the smells. My mother was a homemaker and she was always crafting something, but this time of year brought about tamales, which are a staple where I grew up. Tamales are a very time consuming process - it takes HOURS to cook the meat (pork, chicken , beef) and then season it to perfection. Masa must be made, corn husks must be soaked, the tamales must then be assembled and rolled just so and then the finished product needs to be steamed for a few more hours. Dozens upon dozens would be made, sorted and wrapped for delivery during the holidays and these were primarily only made during the 'cooler' months in hell (november/december.) Each day I would arrive home from school to find pots of meat on the table, steamers on the stove full of tamales and my mother covered in masa as she continued to make more. The house would be warm from the cooking going on in the kitchen (no we did not have central heat back then, only a little space heater) and you could smell the food long before you even opened the front door.

I may not live that far south, but this is a tradition I have brought with me wherever I go. Just a few weeks ago I cooked up a batch of tamales for the family and friends - it was so very time consuming, but so yummy too. The change of seasons just makes me want to cozy up in the kitchen and cook.

Another memory I smile at during this time of year is the decorating for the holidays. I can remember the day after Thanksgiving going out in the garage and digging out all the boxes of christmas stuff. Decorations (mismatched and mostly handmade), multicolored christmas lights that played music for the tree, patchwork quilts, cross-stiched wall decorations and tinsel by the handfuls would be spread about the house in hopes of brightening everyones spirits.

Outside I would loveingly adorn our 'Lone' tree and massive bush with strands of lights from years past. Some would blink, some would stay solid, some were 'tiny twinkle' lights and some were the old school 'screw in light bulbs.' Rarely was anything uniform, it was typically som type of incoherant christmas mess, but it was as festive as a childs imagination could make it.

One of my more funny decorating memories is the year I decided to decorate my fathers 1976 Chevy Pickup truck that took up permanent residence curbside in front of our house. This truck had easily lived thru better years and my father would not part with it. It was loud (could hear him coming down the road 6 blocks away) had an am radio, windows that didn't always roll down (manual crank) and often times did not want to start. That season, it found itself parked and I decided (in my youthful wisdom) that it should be decorated. So I tied ribbons and bows to it, wreaths to the front and back, garland (cheap, non weather resistant garland) along the sides and then took shoe polish and wrote "Merry Christmas" upon the windows. It was definitely a sight to behold...but one thing about my parents is that they never said a word.

The memories I have are more than items bought for me - they are experiences that I was fortunate enough to have. Childhood goofiness I was able to relish in and little moments that have stuck with me thru the good and bad. I look back now and realize that while there weren't family traditions instilled in me(singing christmas carols around the tree), fancy family vactions to look forward to each year, or expensive presents to adorn the tree - my holiday memories are none the less happy. Yes, perhaps there are those memories that have been tarnished with time and perhaps still, some have been broken or lost - but I can say that the ones that meant the most to me have stuck with me thru the years and can be dusted off each time I need a smile. I just hope that I can help my own children to have the kind of memories they too will look back fondly on one day.

What is YOUR Holiday memory?

Friday, December 5, 2008

26.2 Lessons

I've planned this post for many months. I've spent countless hours rehearsing what I would say, imagining the profound marathon wisdom I would have to share with each and every one of you. At some point in my training, near the end - after a few REALLY long runs, I even imagined I would have some sort of humorous story with how all the pain and cold mornings were really worth every ounce of energy I put into it.

But, as I sit here everything that I imagined I would say falls flat.

I started this journey with an idea over 2 years ago and 1 year ago I put this idea into motion. I had no real idea what it would take to bring this tiny little dream to life, but I never thought it would be tough.

Running is not hard. You put one foot in front of the other until you find the end. Sometimes the end is just around the corner and sometimes the end is up a very steep hill, either way it's only a matter of continuing to move in a forward direction.

I made a plan, established where my weaknesses were and found a way to combat them with support, support I am so grateful to have had. I determined my goals and set out with every intention of fulfilling them, never doubting that I wouldn't. In the end I ran a race that consisted of 26.2 miles that eventually led to a finish line. I could give you a mile by mile recount of the miserable cold (hello 39 degrees), the St. Jude Children's faces (both living and not), the support from people running or just cheering us on, and even a finishing time that is no where near where I had originally planned on crossing the finish line at (yes, I completely overestimated my time,) but what I came to realize during that final run was much more that I ever thought possible.

On this journey, that seemed so grand - almost like 'who am I to dream the impossible' I learned that it is not impossible at all. Dreams are meant to be far reaching, to push the limits of what we know, to force us to stretch beyond what's comfortable. Dreams are not what break us, as I originally thought from the loss of a few of my own, but instead dreams are what help push us to be better than we are today.

A marathon is not about speed so much as it is endurance and for me, it was about the will to keep going when everything about that moment told me I wanted to quit. Life is like this sometimes. You see, we can train and prepare and plan for what we think lies ahead, but the truth is we don't really know what that moment will be like until we face it. In life we build off our past experiences in an attempt to repeat what went right and to learn from what went wrong. We all face a moment where we question what we believe or where we must decide to look ahead and let go of the past when all we know is the past we've held onto for so long. There are moments when the sun is shining and the band is playing and we think 'life doesn't get much better than this' only to find when we turn the corner at the next mile, we are alone in a cold wind fighting our way uphill. Its those moments when we must choose to continue to keep moving forward or we might never find our way to the end.

This past Saturday I found my end. I felt the spirit of love and hope for what 14000 people were committed to doing on that morning, I felt the pain and fear of defeat as I faced mile after mile mentally ready to throw in the towel and I felt the exhilaration that comes with crossing under the archway of balloons, greeted by the ones I love and knowing that I did it.

I started this journey as one woman only to find the woman I ended as, is so much more than I could've hoped for.


I woke up as the sun broke into dawn, it was just another day and yet it was a special day. I busied myself with all the little things I needed to get done before I left, picking up the last of this or putting away that. I was outwardly calm, but you could feel the electricity in the air all around.
I arrive early and wait. Finally I am able to get in and the mountain of paperwork begins. Sounds from the rooms next door filter in and out, people come and go, it's a busy day. I wait. I wait and talk to the hub in an effort to pass the time...fill the silence, calm my growing nerves.
My time comes and I am led down the hall into the cold, sterile room. There are strangers all around and while everyone is concerned about me, no one really cares about me. They move in fluid motion, like a well choreographed dance and the lead is you.

Seconds tick into minutes. Minutes roll together. I cannot feel anything and then I hear the most beautiful thing. I hear your voice and I know every moment has led to this one, this one moment when everything else fades away and all is right with the world.

On this day, exactly one year ago I held you in my arms for the very first time. My heart overflowing with a love for you that I did not even know was possible. A love that I had only felt for one other. A love that now was for you too.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Two more days...

It's my blog and I'll obsess if I want to, obsess if I want to, obsess if I waaanttt to (come on, you know the song)

I run my very first Marathon on Saturday - the big day is finally here and I am paranoid something will go wrong (ie stomach issues during the race) No I've never had any issues during my runs, but there's a first time for everything. :)

Ok, so I am obsessing. (don't say I didn't warn you - see song above) I am excited, nervous, pumped, terrified...oh and any other adjective you want to throw in there for good measure. I've been psyching myself up for Saturdays run all week long. You know, trying to read the motivational quotes:

“Faith is born of definiteness of purpose operating in a positive mental attitude.”

"Let nothing dim the light that shines from within."

“It’s not the fittest who survive, nor the most intelligent, but those who can best adapt to their environment.”

Suffice it to say I can continue on with little gems like this for days, but despite this I am nervous as all get out! This has been a vision for me for over a year - back when I got pregnant with Little Miss I had the brilliant plan to run the St. Jude Marathon. It didn't work out so well (because I was due with Little Miss on the date of last years race) but as soon as I could start running again I did.

There were days when I started running I never thought I would be able to go over just a few miles. There were days when I could run a few miles, that 12 or 15 seemed unbelievably long. Then there are those days that 20+ miles passed me by and cloud nine was my new home. These are the moments that I'm holding onto, this is what I've run all these long months and countless hours for, the moments where I dragged my sorry butt out of bed at 0'dark thirty, leaving the comfort of my warm bed only to face the cold so my feet could pound out a few more miles before my family got up.

I've worked for it and I have no doubt I will achieve my end result...but it doesn't stop the obsessing until its over. So.....

It's my blog and I'll obsess if I want to, obsess if I want to, la la la la la la la

Do you obsess over stuff too?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been a good girl all year long - promise! I hope it's not too late, but I need to revise my previous Christmas Wish list.

I had a minor - OOPS - and now I find blogging a bit difficult.

Can I please have a new monitor for my laptop - this one kind of got broken.
I promise I won't accidently drop my laptop again and break the new one. Cross my heart!


What do YOU want to ask Santa For? (its ok, go ahead, I've got enough cookies to go around)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Seperation of Church and State

I don't break into political song and dance around here because I believe everyone is allowed their own opinions and mine - well, they are mine. I don't like to have your beliefs forced down my throat nor do I like to be preached to at every turn - in turn I will not preach to you. I do however believe that a good healthy debate stemming from a difference of opinions is a good thing decide.

I noticed something that perhaps I have always known, but never really bothered to pay attention to. Every so often I receive the email forwards claiming that I need to 'forward if I believe' or 'send to 10 of my friends if I'm not afraid to share God' etc. I am not a forwarder...this is not something I do often - but that being said...

Religion is a touchy subject - prayer especially. The use of the word "God" in the pledge of allegiance has been questioned, prayer in the schools has been questioned, overall faith has been questioned in an effort to keep peace between differing faiths and yet organizations are willing to observe other 'non-traditional' faiths and shun the use of a protestant faith in a public setting.

I do not understand?

You see, during Thanksgiving we had a luncheon at work and one of the things we did prior to the meal was 'say a blessing.' You are not obligated to bow your head, hold hands, stand, sing praises or anything else - but as a whole we all acknowledge a belief (whatever it may be) and take a moment to say 'Thank you' for the comfort it provides us.

Growing up in the far south - football is part of our blood and a game (regardless of what the sporting event was) did not take place without the aforementioned prayer said over the loud speaker prior to the events beginning. No one was offended, no one questioned your beliefs, no one cared if you participated openly or not - we asked for one common thing - Our children to be safe during the game.

On a battlefield, there is no difference. The military is made up of many different races, religions, beliefs, but even those who do not share in the belief of a higher being can unit in one commonality - prayer before battle. Prayer for the safety of all involved - a single act of unity among the group who despite any and all differences, can come together, acknowledge what lay ahead and ask for safe passage thru whatever life brings their way.

What I do not understand about all of this, is simply, if we can find a way to accept our fellow Americans as equals and individuals then why can we not find a way to allow beliefs to be just that - individual beliefs, no less and no more than our own? Why does one student praying in class have to be made an issue? Why does the use of the word 'GOD' have to be made an issue?

Our country was started as a way to escape religious persecution and yet, here we are - a few hundred years later finding a way to let this issue become just that ... an issue.

I am not advocating teaching religion in school, I am not even saying that I believe separation of church and state is bad - I believe this is a necessary thing and that in many cases, parts of religion are wrong, but I do find comfort in the silent acceptance it brings because ultimately we are all wanting the same thing - for everything to be alright in the end.

What are your thoughts?

Monday, December 1, 2008

Monday Madness - Happy Monday

It's Monday and even though it is MONDAY - I am happy to be home. Yes, you heard that right - Kel is happy to be back on a is why.

1. Driving in the car for 8 hours is oh so enjoyable with 2 kids in the back seat. That is 8 hours one way and 8 hours to get home. I've never been so happy to be back in my own home, my own bed, my own stuff...oh it's great!

2. I don't have to eat Turkey again for another whole year. I enjoyed eating a thanksgiving meal not once, not twice, not even three times in the last two weeks...I had Thanksgiving 5 times in two weeks...4 in the same week and none of which were left overs.

3. Family is nice but there is a limit. Don't get me wrong, I love my family - I've even been blessed with a nice in-law family whom I get along with(unless I stick my foot in my mouth and make them mad, but that's another story) but we do not live close, we do not spend uber amounts of time with either side of our familys so suffice it to say that even though I love them, and I love spending time with them, too much time makes me want to shoot myself. (Then again it could be resultant of #1)

4. I get to announce the winner of the Pajama Giveaway!!
As generated by Random.Org our lucky winner is Mommaof4wife2r. Congratulations and I hope you enjoy your new PJs!!

I also want to give a big THANK YOU to all my guest
bloggers who did an amazing job while I was away. Your stories made me smile,
laugh, and remember what's important - having wonderful friends like you make
life so much more! Thank you!

What are you HAPPY for this Monday?