Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I'm not saying the bottom is about to fall out, but there are definitely some interesting things going on all around us. Economically, the US seems to be in shambles and the world is not super hot either. Politically - well, for us, it's an election year so take it for what it's worth. In my life personally...strange things have been popping up and while I don't believe in coincidence - I am refusing to believe there is something bad brewing around the corner.
I am typically a non-optimistic person, I am a type A personality, perhaps a little OCD, demanding most of the time and extremely persuasive when I want to get my way. I 'feel' with my gut in a lot of situations, however I don't always heed my own advice.
I had a friend recently find themselves in a predicament where the outcomes could prove very bad - personally, I don't believe it will come to this extreme and that in the end, while it may be a bit rough getting to that point, the end will be ok. Shortly after this news of my friend popped up in conversation, I was thinking to myself - things like this don't usually happen to me, and slightly enjoying this fact (and slightly worrying that somehow I'd escaped this flaw in karma only to realize it will catch up with me all at once at the most in opportune time) when out of no where, I got my own dish of 'not so great news.'
It is nothing major, nothing I feel overly concerned with, but it makes me stop to wonder...is this the beginning of something else? Should I be digging out my golashes, my rain coat, big umbrella and my super duper rubber ducky floaties (you know, just in case the water starts rising.)
Do you think the 'bad' loads up before dumping in your lap or do you think good and bad get fairly evenly dispersed within your life?
Monday, September 29, 2008
I do not watch the news on tv - it turns me into a nerve wracking crazy woman. I will listen to radio news, but it is not often. I am addicted to the internet news. I know this sounds crazy, but I can read the headlines and then pick and choose what stories I want to read, so in a way, I am current on selective news. (Not entirely true, because I read most internet news) Anyhow, it is me or has anyone else noticed the crazy headlines popping up in the news front? Hence todays Monday Madness - Headlines
1. 11 Kids left at Nebraska hospital in 24 hrs
I read all about the child safe haven law and it's 'oversight' on the age thing prior to all of this happening, but seriously? These are not babies, these are teenage children - do you really think they will not have opinions of their own, come back to find the parents, or be scarred for life? There has got to be a better option than just 'walking away' from your kids.
2. Police say teen ploted to kill mom for "breast implants."
Come on now, BOOBS?! Plan: Kill mom, sell car, take cash from bank account and buy fake boobs for girlfriend....does anyone see a flaw in this plan?? What happens when the girlfriend dumps you after she has her new found assetts?
What's the stranges thing on the news you've seen lately?
Friday, September 26, 2008
It's that time of the week again...Friday...and all I can wonder is where has the week gone? I swear, each week time speeds up a bit more and I misplace more and more of my day.
So with that in mind, here are a few thoughts that are occupying space in my brain.
1. Little Miss - she's been sick the last few days so the hub and I have been 'tag teaming' her and juggling work. This makes for some tired parents.
2. Failing - as a mother, that is. There are moments in my days as a mother where I act, react, or overreact and instinctively know I have missed the mark. In other words, I have failed as a mother and it is only until that moment that I realize how very wrong I was. It is a horrible feeling.
3. Partys - October is next week which means our Halloween party is not far away. I've been diligently working on it behind the scenes so now is the time to start putting it all together. You can bet I will be asking for input in the near future, but who would have thought, something that is supposed to be simple and fun could turn out to be this much work? I sure didn't!
4. School - I am enrolled in school full time, working on my Masters. I enjoy school, but I have moments of 'total control' where I feel I can get it all done and make major headway and then there are moments of 'total laziness' where no matter what I do it's probably not going to get done and I will invariably end up behind the curve for a bit. For a while I was in front of the curve running like mad...then it kind of caught up with me and now I've been run over and am just starting to get up and dust myself off. It's much more fun to be in front of the curve!
5. Time - Just this morning I was wondering where it had all gone? Life has been crammed full of things that eat up my time and it seems I am running from here to there. I am not complaining (too loudly) because I feel I am very blessed to have the ability to do all that I do, but sometimes I just wonder, where did all my time go? Seriously, I used to have time to party with the best of them and keep going...now I'm lucky if I find time to shower alone!! haha
I hope everyone has an amazing weekend...hopefully this beautiful fall weather will hold for a while!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Do you ever wonder if people are really your friend?
I have these days, where I feel like my friends are not really my friends at all - more like I'm in a fish bowl and they are all staring at me thru the glass. It's like I can see them but yet I can't really hear them and if I move one way or another it distorts them into funny shapes. I guess I feel kind of like everyone is watching me, waiting for me to goof up.
I've had many friends lately that I just can't read. We get together and one minute things seem great and then it seems like I've offended them and then the next life is great again. I've had long time friends seem to drift away and all I can do is wonder what caused this drift?
Truth be told, I am at this point in my life where I have way more questions than answers. There was a brief time a while back, I was seeking the answers to these questions and thought, maybe I'd found them. (That is a post for another time) Did it provide answers - not really, perhaps some clarifications on my part, but no real concrete answers.
Something is changing...it's in the air, I feel it in my bones. I don't know what it is, but I sense it all around and while part of me is excited at the prospect, part of me is scared of letting go. I'm not even sure what I'm letting go of yet, but I know I'm not ready to give it up.
I know this all sounds strange and cryptic - it's just how I feel.
Have you ever had a gut feeling? Was it right or was it wrong?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The hub is a very smart man, granted he is not perfect and has been known to completely do something goofy, but in general I can count on him for anything.
Being the 'loving wife' that I am (*cough cough*) when my hub came home boasting that he found his dream computer (dream computer for now) I decided I would buy it for him and surprise him with it. It was a custom built, monster with all the bells and whistles he could imagine. A few weeks go by and true to form, I tell him about it and he is as giddy as a kid on Christmas morning.
The day arrives that I am supposed to pick it up but as soon as I get to work I realize that I forgot the money (envelope with cash in it) at home. I don't typically pay with cash, but I couldn't find my checkbook to this account so I just stopped by the bank the day before and make a withdrawal. This much cash makes me nervous...I set in in a safe place at home and completely forgot about it.
The hub comes to work about an hour or so later than I do so I sent him a quick text message "Bring me the money for your computer when you come to work."
About an hour later I get a phone call ...
Hub - Hey.... I made a mistake.
Me - Really? What might that be? (Thinking he forgot something for DQ)
Hub - Yeah, remember how I needed to stop by the post office and mail my ballot...?
Me - Um, yeah.
Hub - Well....you see...I had both envelopes
Me - Don't even finish that sentence, if you're going to say what I think your going to say.
Hub - They were upside down and I accidental put the wrong one in the box.
Me - OMG - seriously?
Hub - yep, I'm sorry
Me - Which post office are you at?
Hub - It was this one on Main Street and I need to get to work and they are not open.
Me - OMG - that was cash in an unmarked envelope...holy crap. You better hope they give it back, I'll be there in a minute to wait for someone to get there.
Hub - *chuckling* Nah, I didn't really do it, but I almost did...isn't it funny! hahahaha
Me - No, this is not funny!
Hub - Yes, it is funny...do you still want your money or do you want me to hold on to it?
Me - I'll take it.
Yes, people...my hub tried to give me a heart attack by claiming he had 'mailed' away my money. I was not a happy camper to say the least and he had officially signed his death warrant...sometimes, I hate that he is a jokester!
What's the worst joke someone has played on you?
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
101 Things in 1001 Days
June 25, 2011
1. Take a train ride
2. Have something published
3. Complete Masters degree
4. Visit New York
5. Travel outside the US
6. Attend BlogHer
7. Have an all girls weekend AWAY
8. Get a certification
9. Visit the Empire State Building
11. Finish in the top 3 in a race.
12. Run a race with my daughter
14. Take a cruise
15. Dance in the rain
16. Get paid to decorate a cake
17. Go to a parade
18.Pick fresh strawberry's
19. Go Skiing
20. Take a mental health day
21.Go to a Memphis Football game
22. Complete the babie's 1st year photo album
23. Attend a wine tasting
24. Learn to make Tiramisu
25. Take a cooking class
26. Take a strip aerobic class
27. Donate my hair to Locks of Love
28. Grow a garden
29. Go to a concert
30. Go to a midnight movie
31. Participate in Postcrossing
32. Go to a spa with my sister
33. host a holiday at my house for all my family
35, Finish the sun room
36. Finish redoing the bathroom
38. Buy a new car
39. Switch over to a full keypad phone
40. Buy a designer suit
42. Catch up with an old friend
43. Go fishing
44. Take a scrapbooking class
45. Go camping
46. Pay off all my credit cards
47. Eat ice cream in the park
48. Watch the fireworks from the beach
49. Lay under the stars with the Hubby
50. Buy a designer handbag
51. Buy a pair of Manolo Blahnik
52. Decorate a gingerbread house with my daughters
53. Play in the fall leaves
54. Have a snowball fight
55. Build a sand Castle
56. Build a snowman
57. Win over 500 dollars at the casino
58. Have an adventure with the hubby
59. Watch the sun rise
60. Get to my goal weight
61. Start a saving for each of my girls
62. Renew Passport
63. Create a photo video montage of the baby
64. Have a professional hair makeover
65. Meet a bloggy friend in real life
66. Go back to Disney World
67. Take a dance class
68. Take a trip to Las Vegas
69. Stay in a Cabin in the Mountains
70. Have my teeth professionally whitened
72. Update my will
73. Read a classic book
74. Have lasik surgary
75. Make a fresh flower arrangement for a friend
76. Send a "Thinking of You" note to someone
77. Go on a picnic
78. Find a job in alignment with what I want to do
79. Determine career path
80. See a stand up comedian
81. Go one week without drinking soda
82. Go one week without swearing
83. See Niagria Falls
84. Attend a rooftop party
85. Update my resume
86. Go to a drive in movie
87. Play laser tag
88. Start a 401K
89. Write the hub a Love letter
91. Have a dress made just for me
92. Play the Lotto for BIG money
93. Pick a child in the Christmas Angel program
94. Make Smores while camping
95. Drink 8 glasses of water in one day
96. Read the Harry Potter Series to my daughter
97. Blog about each of my items
98. Run a half marathon in less than 3 hours
99. Watch a classic movie
101. Celebrate the completion of this list with dinner out
Monday, September 22, 2008
School has started back up and Fall is in the air which means sports season is in full swing - specifically Football for most households. Mine is no different...the hub is a football fanatic and I, well - I am not so much. Funny thing is that I used to be a cheerleader and spent many nights at football games - now, well, I just don't get that excited watching it on T.V. - get to a game though and I'm all in. The hub on the other hand is quite an interesting species when this time of year rolls around...from what I can tell, many people change when this time of year rolls around.
1. Snacks - Chips, dips & Beer. There is something about a game on the TV which requires the need of Chips, Dips and Beer to be readily available each and every Sunday. All other food is null and void (with the exception of perhaps chicken wings) these are the standard Sunday staple.
(I like these snacks too, but every, single, sunday during the season...they get a little old!)
2. Support - Wearing of the Jersey. The hub specifically, has a few Jerseys of his favorite teams, he will invariably change the Jersey to match the team he is watching/supporting. Our friends are Jersey wearers too and will don them to support their teams while watching them on TV...not in person at the game.
(I don't get it, the team will not know if your wearing it and just because he is wearing the jersey, it will not make the team win.)
3. Sunday - Games are an all day affair. It is not "lets just watch team X play." Oh no, that would be too simple, instead lets watch game, after game, after game. Not all of them are favorites, but they are ALL football games therefore they all fall under the realm of "Watching."
(Seriously...all day? Can't the channel be changed to something else at sometime during the day?)
What is YOUR football routine?
Friday, September 19, 2008
Hooray for FRIDAY!
Today is much better than yesterday and true to form...my brain is a bit scattered this morning, but in a good way.
1. Stolen - Yesterdays post. It was short and to the point...my day had been hijacked and I didn't post until late last night, so I titled it "Stolen" - oddly enough, this morning I pop in and guess what? Yep, my post has been stolen...haha...actually, in reader I can see it, editing it, I can see it - however on my page...I cannot. Could I spend time to actually correct this, probably. Will I, probably not. I actually think it is kind of funny and fitting since that is pretty much how I felt yesterday!
2. Ending & Beginnings - The end of summer is here, which means the beginning of Fall is arriving. I love summer and have only since taken to liking the fall. This is probably due to the fact that growing up we had one season with a few variations. Summer - hot, hotter, hottest, and HOLY COW! It wasn't until I was about 19 or so that I got to experience 'fall' with the leaves and crispy wind. I thought it was the greatest thing since slice bread - I still have a thing for it which brings me to my next random thought.
3. Apples - I want to pick apples. We have an orchard or two very near our house and they offer picking of fruits during the seasons (strawberry's, apples, peaches, pears, blackberry's and raspberry's.) Right now, apples, pears and some peaches are still available. Personally I want to go pick apples and then come home and slave away making a homemade apple pie (or 2 or
Rarely do I do anything in small numbers so making a pie for us and typically that also involves friends and neighbors too. My mother was a homemaker - she made EVERYTHING and could cook from scratch like nobodys business. I don't cook like this often, but there are moments when I like to and I think this would be a great 'mother/daughter' activity for DQ and me. I'm excited (can't you tell) - hopefully she will behave at school so we can go this weekend.
4. Halloween - Yep, I'm back on that kick. I had kind of lost my drive for the Halloween party I have planned, but am slowly getting it back. Realizing that it is very near the end of September, I might need to get the invitations in order so I've been searching for those as well as costumes for everyone in my house. Every year I get these ideas of what I want to be, a gypsy, a ladybug, an 80's rocker, a pirate etc. Then I typically fall back on some variation of a Gothic/Elvira/vampires person. I get so caught up searching for the costume and wanting to be each one that I never get one nailed down and am scrambling at the last minute. Not this year.... I'm searching and hopefully by this weekend I will have it purchased and waiting in my closet for the big day..hehe
5. Love - Bloggy love to be exact. Today is my 100th post at CafeKel and while, this is not my first 100...I'm excited none the less. Goteeman was kind enough to bestow on me the gift of bloggy love and I'm thrilled. Actually, his words were the most touching ... 'honest and transparent.' It's odd that those words can make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but when I stop to think about it, I spent a good portion of my growing up 'playing the part' of who I thought I was supposed to be and knowing that I've stopped playing me and started becoming me, well...it feels good.
So in honor of post number 100 - I want to share some bloggy love with you -
Kim @JoggingInCircles - funny and poignent- this lady shares her love of the world thru some amazing pictures and her love for her boys is inspiring. You notes always bring a little extra sunshine to my day!
Kellan @OnTheUpside - A lady who has it all together (in matching bags and tied with a pretty bow) she always has a story to share and a kind word to say. You give me hope that one day I will get thru this thing called mommyhood with my sanity.
Krissy @FirecrackerMom - She keeps it down to earth with no sugar coating life. A woman of amazing strength who raises her daughter, is a wonderful wife and juggles the mirade of crap life deals her with a fight that I can only envy. She's there to make me chuckle (sometime throw up in my mouth) and plot revenge in the need arises. Thanks for being a friend!
I want to say Thanks to all the people who stop by - I have found a home here in blog land and am so happy to have neighbors like you! Each and every one of you brighten my day in someway - I just hope I can do the same for you.
Have a GREAT weekend!!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
...I've ever had is being a mother.
Every day I stop over at ABunsLife where her tag line "Trying not to mess my children up one day at a time" gives me a chuckle each day- it's humorous and yet so true.
You've heard me say this many times before, parenting should come with a handbook, but it doesn't. What we have is experiences from our own parents and those, perhaps, that we looked up to at one point in time to use as foundation for our own future families.
But what if we don't?
What if what we grow up with is a small sliver of right mixed in with a whole lot of wrong...how do we decipher what we should and/or should not be doing that will completely screw up our children? My situation is not the norm, so perhaps I struggle with this issue more often than others, but I try to make the best decisions I know how and yet, with just a few words...there are moments my daughter can rip it all out from under me and leave me feeling more vulnerable than I ever imagined any child could.
I was born to a teenage girl who's own mother was so consumed by depression and alcohol that she had stopped noticing her daughter, my biological mother - Mo. Mo, thought she could have a child who would love her and need her, I would be the thing to fill the missing void. Like many young teenagers, Mo's plan had a small flaw - someone would need to raise me, be there for me and take care of me. That someone role is usually reserved for the parent, but in this case, Mo was not ready for this responsibility.
Faced with a choice, Mo choose to give me up for adoption when I was about a year old. I was given to a family for what was thought to be a better life and I guess, by all accounts, it was. I had a mother and father and a sister - I was taken care of and loved, what more could I ask for, right?
For starters, I was a bit headstrong - my mother (adoptive) had her own issues and these two elements did not mesh well. I was raised with a firm hand, fairly strict rules and I learned early on that if these rules were broken, there would be punishment. One of the strongest memories I have is being told that when I was about 4 or 5 I looked at my mother and told her "I don't need you. I can take care of myself." Growing up, I thought it was quite funny every single time my mother would throw it in my face...now, while I realize it is a child talking and not understanding what she was saying, I can begin to see how this hurt my mother. You see, my mother had her own bowl of issues, mentally - the woman was not the most stable person. I don't ever doubt that she loved me, but I think she never quite understood how to be a mother, never quite knew how to show love.
My mother and I led a very strained relationship while I was growing up, my father often worked long hours and was rarely home, my sister was much older and had her own life. Eventually, my mother and I saw a difference of opinions for the last time and it was over. I moved out and I never spoke to her again. It's been over 10 years since I've seen or spoken to this woman and there are days when I often wonder what it was that was the straw that broke the camels back. What final incident was enough that I could walk away and never look back...even after all this time, never feel regret for leaving?
I didn't leave my family, just my mother and eventually we all left my mother. The interesting twist of this story is that even then I was searching for myself and at that time in my life, I thought the answers would lie in my birth line. I sought out Mo. I searched for my biological father - both of which I found. I had questions - some were answered and some I don't know if I'll ever have answers. Mo, is apart of my life today. She is apart of my children's lives - she is not my mother. She has no desire to be my mother, she is my friend. We are alike, in looks and in personality which I find terribly scary sometimes. Mo, choose to have another child a few years after me and as evident with him, she was still not quite ready to be a mother. Even today, a 40 year old woman will tell you she has yet to grow up. As for her mother, eventually she was overly consumed with her own problems and took her life, leaving everyone around her with questions and too few answers.
This is my history, my family legacy...for my children I want more - but I have no idea where to begin. I am a parent to my children, I am not their friend. Even though I love them fiercely I too, believe they should be taught right and wrong and consequences of their actions. This has led to many "I hate you's" or "You're a mean mommy." Just words - I try to remind myself, it stings a bit when they are thrown at me, but as time goes I feel them a little less each time. Then comes a day when my child looks at me as say's the unthinkable. In an instant my world flashes around me and while I know there is no merit to her words...she and only she has exposed me and left me feeling vulnerable and raw.
There are things I can moderately prepare for, things I know one day I will face because all mother/daughter relationships face these moments. There are things I am aware come with having children and teaching them to exert there Independence. There are many lessons I know are still yet to come, it is not these I fear...it's the ones I never thought would ever enter my world because I was going to make sure my child never felt the way I did.
Being a parent is not an easy job. It is by far the hardest job I've ever done.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
DQ - "OMG, there's a spider!"
Little Miss is crawling around DQ's room. (and yes, DQ has taken to calling her sister 'girl' like that is her name)
DQ - "Girl, there's a spider... I don't like spiders, oh, someone needs to kill it."
I'm about right across the hall and think I should probably go check this out, if Little Miss gets to it she will probably try and eat it...it's probably outside the window so I'll just hang up this shirt before I go in there. (insert bad parenting skills here)
DQ - "Oh, get it girl...I don't like it...Kill it - Kill the spider girl!"
It's about this time that I think yeah, I should probably go check the situation out, so I walk the 15 feet or so to DQ's room where I find her crouched in a corner and Little Miss looking at her like she's lost her mind, do a quick scan of the room (thinking for sure I will spot the spider and say -
Me - "Where is the spider? I don't see a spider."
DQ - "Yeah mom, it's right there!" pointing frantically at her bedspread.
Me - "Um, where I don't see it."
DQ - inches ever so close and says "See, mom...RIGHT THERE!"
Oh, I can see this tiny spec of something no bigger than this period . - that's a spider?
I smush it and go back to my room to resume putting up the laundry. As I walk in the hub says to me -
Hub - "Good thing Little Miss was in there to save DQ - she's only 9 months old and already has mastered the art of trapping and killing spiders by eating them!"
What's the worst thing you can remember getting your siblings to do? Do your children do this to their siblings?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Have you ever heard the saying "She is pretty until she opens her mouth?" The idea that once someone speaks, there intelligence (or lack of) will show thru. On the flipside, I've always been told that cursing is proof of someones lack of intelliegence...there are other ways to speak your mind without resorting to cursing.
Being a sailor - I can say I've probably used these choice words more often than not, however I try pretty hard to reserve them for occasions I just can't find the words to describe what I'm feeling. So what does this say about me?
Monday Madness - Words
As in "Mom, I got an E in conduct today!" "That is totally awesome, you did really good." I used to hate this word, now I sound like a complete surfer dudette (who has never surfed!)
2. Right On
As in "Hey Kel, did you know lunch is free today?" "Right on!" Yeah, can you see me with the rockin' finger sign waving in the air...80's hair and all? HA, nope not a rocker babe either, but I speak the lingo.
As in "I just bought the new Apple iPhone." "Wow, that's Cool." Um, can't say much about this one, this word has been a permanent fixture in my vocabulary for MANY, many years...don't think it's going anywhere.
As in "Geeky boy finally had a date." "Seriously...was she over 18?" Another one where I sound like I should be in my tweens or teens, but what can I say, I'm a Grey's Anatomy fan and it stuck!
As in "Did you hear, they are downsizing?" "Whaaaaa? How did you find out?" I know, I know - all I'm missing is the T but when I say the word, I just can't manage to get it on the end of the word....my true colors are shining thru. hehe
What words are a staple in your vocabulary?
Friday, September 12, 2008
1. Foot - Not in a lot of pain, but it aches. I didn't run Thursday, but I've scheduled an easy run for this weekend so hopefully, this will go well.
2.IKE! - Ike has tormented my poor brain this entire week! While I hated the idea of Ike heading back to the Louisiana/Mississippi gulf coast area, I really hoped it wouldn't head into Texas either. As Ike headed more for the southern part of Texas, I began to panic. 'Hell' as I more commonly refer to it, is where I grew up, is where my family still resides and Ike, was making a Bee line straight for it. After Katrina, I don't do so well with Hurricanes and have been pestering my family now for days...good news is that Ike has moved north and now they are mostly out of harms way.
3. IKE! - Yes, Ike is the primary focus of my brain activity because while I was mostly concerned with my own family and quite happy Ike decided to take a hike to the north...Ike, is now on a direct course headed for the hub's family. Yes, we are both Texas born and raised and can attest the old saying about 'once a Texan always a Texan' is typically true. Both our family's reside in the great state so this weekend will not be such a relaxing weekend after all.
4. Homework - Oh I know all too well about homework...I've been in school for what feels like forever. I'm not really complaining because I CHOSE to go to school and I enjoy it, I just get tired of the homework. I finished my Bachelors and went right into my Masters and dream of earning a PhD. one day so I know I won't be rid of it anytime soon, but sometimes I wish there was a way to go to school without homework!
5. Soccer - DQ has soccer again this weekend and hopefully it will go better than last. We lost the game last weekend, which we were kind of sad (we haven't lost a game in 2 seasons). The kids had fun and that is what counts, but I'm not entirely thrilled with her coach. For the fact that we meet to practice 2x a week I think the kids should be more focused and armed with some more definitive plans of attack, but instead they are kind of unruly on the field. Yes, I am one of those parents who critique the coach and I am all for stepping up and offering advice (solicited or otherwise) I am just trying to give the coach a chance to get his footing before I voice my opinion. He is new so I'll grant him that, but if we don't get something more organized soon, he and I are going to have a little chat.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend - hopefully not as 'fractional' as mine!
What are your plans?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
It was 7:00pm, I had just finished eating dinner and was getting an evening run in on the treadmill before I headed to my 8:00 standing game of hearts. This was how we usually spent the evenings passing the time...a game of cards on the mess decks, some good natured 'ribbing' and talk about what we would do when we saw land again.
You see, I was on 581 feet of floating steel in the middle of the ocean, serving my country as a communications technician. It had been an ordinary day with the usual activities and an even more ordinary evening up until that point - the moment when everything changed. In one swift flash, the alarms sounded and the ship was a flurry of activity as people ran to and from their previous destinations. We all were acutely aware of what had to happen when the alarms sounded despite what we did not know was going on.
In the few minutes it took me to get to where I needed to be, there was little anyone knew, there were more questions than answers at that time. We were told there had been an attack on the world trade center and the reports were still coming in. They would let us know as news was made available. We were shutting down Internet access to limit the users and they would distribute all information as it came in.
There is nothing like being in a pitch black room trying to find your way around. We were blind to everything going on around and left to our imaginations - you can bet the worst we could imagine had already been addressed and was expanding. Not knowing how bad it was, but knowing something was very, very wrong because of what we were being expected to do out there was a very scary feeling.
Three days passed and during that time all we had were written accounts of what had happened and what was happening. Pictures were limited, video footage was none - security in our area of operation was heightened and things were changing drastically. Finally, we received a video tape of the news footage that had been recorded from another ship at the time and it was broadcast over the internal system. I can still remember sitting there, glued to the tv, much like I imagine many others were when it happened. As each incredible image flashed on the screen the realizations were made that things would never be the same again.
It's been 7 years since that time and yet, today the memory is just as fresh as it was yesterday. I don't imagine many people will ever forget that day or the feelings they felt. Life changes in the blink of an eye, little moments affect us and change us just as much as the big moments in our lives - for me, I realized just how important it is to say I love you to those who matter to me and that the human spirit is an amazing thing when we all bond together and lay our differences aside.
September 11 - God bless us all!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Every so often I write about running - this is my goal, my ever closing in, short term goal...to run the St. Jude Marathon. I've been doing my part to achieve this goal for the past 6 months and while I still have high hopes, I realized there was a small crack in my vision.
It's disheartening to wake up one day and realize my plan is flawed.
This past weekend I was supposed to run a 20mi long run - I get up and meet my running partner at o' dark thirty and away we go. It was a nice run, cool and not too humid, conversation flowed easily and the pace was comfortable. Nothing too out of the ordinary. 12 miles later, I get back to my car and realize me feet hurt, one more than the other. I don't think much about it - my feet are usually tired after a run. By the time I get home though (after a stop at the store for groceries) my left foot is really hurting, so I ask the hub about it.
Who better to ask than the man who is supposed to care so much about me (and the fact that he trained hard and has a degree in kinesiology doesn't hurt either) this man proceeds to tell me, something is hurt. GREAT - not what I wanted to hear, but I'm sure it's minor, nothing to worry about, we ice it and go on about the day. Monday comes and I head to practice, I run an easy 6 miles, my foot hurts still, but I manage thru the pain. Once again, I complain to the hub and as we ice it, he convinces me to visit the dr.
This is one of the joys of having a dr. at my disposal because all I have to do is call, make an appointment and I'm in. For minor issues, dr. appointments are a breeze - if its anything major...trust me, the government is going to run you thru the loops before they treat you outside their facility.
For me, I call, make an appointment, show up 24 hrs later, get x-rays and wait for the dr. to look at them. In all of 30 min the dr tells me that 'while he cannot see any problems NOW, that does not mean there are not stress problems waiting and I should stay off it for 3 weeks.'
Are you serious? It's just a foot and if my x-ray says I'm good, then obviously I must be good, I think the dr. is crazy and decide I am going to play it by ear.
All this is fine except for that brief moment, while I was sitting there waiting for him to come tell me about the x-ray, I thought there might be something wrong that would get in the way of achieving this goal and I was sad. Just for a brief moment I saw what I wanted go up in smoke and it was hard to think I wouldn't see it come to fruition. I, however, was lucky enough that there was nothing major wrong, but not everyone is.
Life is just as random as an injury...one moment we are cruising along with our eye on the prize when something jumps out and derails us. It is easy for me to become so narrow sighted that I don't see anything else around...perhaps this was my wake up call to say "Hey - I'm still here, remember me? LIFE? Go for the goal, but don't forget, it can all change in the blink of an eye." For a brief moment, I was superhuman and nothing could stop me then just as quickly, I was a mere human who had limits.
Have you ever had the realization that life has a mind of it's own and does not always have the same plan in mind you do?
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Ok, maybe you haven't, but I have. As a matter of fact...I am.
I don't consider myself a materialistic person, I have never really played the 'keep up with the Jones' role but I have always kind of thought of myself as fairly up to date with everything around me. See, I don't feel like I should run out and buy a new car just because mine is a year old and Tom and Sue just bought the brand new '09 blah blah. I never really felt I should stock my house with the latest and greatest stuff because So and so just bought the thingamajig, but for a short bit I have stopped to think maybe there is something wrong with me because - frankly...I just don't care about these things.
It's not that I'm not materialistic, but it is so much more that I am ANTI-materialistic. Take for example my car. I have driven it for 7 years, I've put MANY many miles on it across this country, it's been trashed out thru many years of having kids, but it has 4 wheels and it runs. It's not outwardly beat up, just internally (you can tell I have kids) - there are no mechanical issues with it and overall, I just enjoy having a car, fully paid for that I don't have to worry about. Would I like a new car? Sure Can I afford to get a new car? Of course. Am I going to get a new car? Not any time soon.
Strange? Maybe not.
Example 2: My laptop. It is 3 years old, weighs it weight in gold (no it's not the smallest or lightest thing out there) but it's still an excellent laptop. It has dual core processor, 64 bit operating system, plenty of hard drive and memory and in it's day it cost a pretty penny. Would I like a newer, lighter, sleeker laptop? Sure. Am I going to trade in a perfectly good one? Probably not any time soon.
Do you see a trend forming?
As I analyzed this pattern in my life, I noticed there were plenty of things I have that "do the job" and I don't have issues with them so I don't feel the need to 'change' them for something newer. It's not that I can't, it's just that I don't, but yet I notice so many people around me who are upgrading so many things because "they can" and well because "they want to." What bothers me is the fact that I don't want to. It makes me wonder if perhaps I am missing some crucial element of being a woman?
Funny thing is that if I want something (or the hub and family want/need something) I will go out and get it - rarely though do these types of purchases take place.
Do you care about upgrading your products on a regular basis or do you wait until the inevitable?
Monday, September 8, 2008
Monday Madness - Quotes
1. To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students - I say, you, too, can be president of the United States. George W. Bush
2. Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their ground. Anonymous
3. No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain , you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. George Bernard Shaw
4. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else. Unknown
5. We grow neither better or worse as we get old, but more like ourselves. May L. Becker
6. Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children. Mignon McLaughlin
What is your favorite quote, funny, inspiring or just insightful?
Friday, September 5, 2008
1. Crazy, rainy, gloomy weather has made for nice cool days to run, but not much else. (Not to mention my hair - had to just give up on fixing it...stuck in a bun for days now)
2. DQ has thrown me into a panic and had to visit the Principal at school. She investigate the issue with the social worker and they are now "keeping their eyes and ears open."
3. Friends are moving which means we are helping. Hopefully it won't rain.
4. Soccer season has officially started and DQ's first game is Saturday. (Hopefully we have uniforms)
5. I've been a slacker in the running department, but thanks to my ever-thoughtful-hub (who kicked me out of the house to make me start running again) I'm getting back into it. Now I am supposed to have a 20mi run this weekend, but am not sure where to fit it in my timeline of everything else I need to do.
What are YOUR mini-weekend thoughts? Anything good planned ahead?
**I'm starting to think I tweet too much...everything is in short bursts. Have a wonderful weekend**
Thursday, September 4, 2008
One night over dinner, a woman at a restaurant remarked about my daughters and how she
"thought girls were easier that boys."
I politely smiled and responded with "I think they are equally difficult, it's just that girls are a bit easier when they are young and then they switch places and boys become easier during their teen years." She looked over at me and said - "actually, the difference between boys and girls in their teen years is that girls will tell you what they are doing and boys will just say 'ok, mom' and do it anyway."
It was a conversation between strangers and personally I cannot attest to raising teenagers yet, but I was confronted with a situation I was not quite ready for (I think I say that a lot these days) that made this conversation come blaring back into vision.
SEX - when do you bring it up? When does the topic of sex become a conversation to have with your children?
Shortly before bed one evening, DQ is getting dressed and I am waiting to read her bedtime story when she starts telling me that a little boy was telling her about a "girl who sucked a boy's thing." Out of the blue this revelation is told to me and I am caught off guard so I ask, "sucked his thing? What thing?" Hoping against all else that she is not talking about blowjobs, but she informs me by pointing that is indeed what she is referring to.
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY NOW?? (mentally searching for the right answer)
So I probe a bit more into the conversation she and this little boy had (at school) to which I finally ask, "And, what did you say to him when he told you this?" DQ says "I told him Ewe - that was gross." Stuck somewhere between wanting to laugh at the comment, be a good parent and explain this correctly to her [without a lifetime of screwupedness], and wanting to shelter her and let the conversation go (she's only 6 - this cannot be the age for the sex talk can it?) I ventured into the realm of 'good parent' and tried to explain how to handle this situation if it were to come up again.
I am not entirely sure, but I can't imagine I need to explain what "sucking his thing" is to her(not yet anyway), I was however more concerned with the fact the conversation took place and what other conversations are being had by these children. I decided to explain to her that this was something she should not do, no one should ask her to do this, or touch it or show it or see it. These are private parts for NO ONE to see and if someone asks she should say NO as loud as she can and run away. She should then go tell an adult.
She took it all in stride and went on like it was no big deal, all the while, me-the parent, is still searching for the answers. I have to admit *hangs head in shame* my first thought when she told me this was to tell her that is gross, nasty and bad and tell her that is how babies are made. I thought if I could scare her, perhaps I could protect her, but just as fast as the thought appeared, I also realized that not knowing the truth is sometime more destructive in the long run than having some accurate knowledge.
I was preparing for 'the talk' at about the age of 8...never in my wildest dreams did I think these topics would show up now. Now, I'm not sure what will come up next - when did kids stop talking about playground topics and start talking about sex topics?
What do you think is the right response?
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I got tagged by JandJAcres to do a MEME - The Bucket List. If any of you have seen (or heard of the movie) it's pretty self explanatory. I need to write out 8 things I want to do before I "kick the bucket." I really like this idea (then again I'm a fan of the movie) so here goes.
- Run a Marathon
- Finish my Masters
- Get a PhD.
- Visit/Tour Europe
- Own/Drive an Corvette
- See the Pyramids
- Own a pair of Manolo Blahniks
- Cruise Alaska
Most of it seems pretty do able - although I doubt it will be anytime soon! :) I am supposed to tag 8 people but instead I'm going to put it out to my readers like this...
If money was no option and what would you chose to do first?If you want to do the MeMe...link back and let me know, I'd love to see your answers.
Monday, September 1, 2008
I wish I may I wish I might...god I wish I was a teenager."
This was my daughters prayer one night. Yes, it was a mix of elements but it was sincere. My daughter, who is only 6 is counting the moments until she is a teenager - I on the other hand am in NO HURRY!
I look back on my own awkward teenage years and think "God, I am so glad I survived them and I would NEVER want to go back." However I remember being a child and being told I couldn't do something by my parents and thinking to myself, "when I'm a teenager, I'll do whatever I want to." But, it was never that simple.
I'll admit there was something appealing about the prospect of being older when I was a child, but I failed to realize the 'responsibility' aspect of it. All I saw was freedom-I never once saw the "you must earn the right" to be able to do what it is I was after - suffice it to say, when I reached those years, I was quickly made aware.
I giggle to myself now, as I listen to my 6 year old daughter, urgently pray at night for god to make her a teenager while Mom urgently begs him to not let her grow up so fast. I try to explain to her to enjoy this time because it goes by far to quickly and those years of being a teenager are awkward and difficult, but she doesn't see this. She only sees her freedom.
If you could go back to your teenage years, what advice would you give to yourself?
I have been up all night, unable to sleep constantly checking his progress - when my hub asks what is wrong all I can say is that this feels a bit too familiar from the last time. We were there for Katrina and I remember all to well what it was like to have fled and waited and wondered what I would be returning to and then to come back to the desolation that remained.
My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by this - for everyone who is fortunate enough not to live in this area I send a very happy holiday wish out to you.
Have a wonderful day!