Thursday, September 25, 2008

A change is coming...

Do you ever wonder if people are really your friend?

I do.

I have these days, where I feel like my friends are not really my friends at all - more like I'm in a fish bowl and they are all staring at me thru the glass. It's like I can see them but yet I can't really hear them and if I move one way or another it distorts them into funny shapes. I guess I feel kind of like everyone is watching me, waiting for me to goof up.

I've had many friends lately that I just can't read. We get together and one minute things seem great and then it seems like I've offended them and then the next life is great again. I've had long time friends seem to drift away and all I can do is wonder what caused this drift?

Truth be told, I am at this point in my life where I have way more questions than answers. There was a brief time a while back, I was seeking the answers to these questions and thought, maybe I'd found them. (That is a post for another time) Did it provide answers - not really, perhaps some clarifications on my part, but no real concrete answers.

Something is's in the air, I feel it in my bones. I don't know what it is, but I sense it all around and while part of me is excited at the prospect, part of me is scared of letting go. I'm not even sure what I'm letting go of yet, but I know I'm not ready to give it up.

I know this all sounds strange and cryptic - it's just how I feel.

Have you ever had a gut feeling? Was it right or was it wrong?


the cubicle's backporch said...

I get gut feelings about weird things like "I should probably take exit B today" then curse when I don't listen and there's a wreck on the interstate.

And I know what you mean about friends. I'm lucky that I have two friends who know that I say what I think and that no topic is unfair territory.

Aleta said...

I've learned to trust those gut instincts. I didn't in the past and it lead to some horrific mistakes. (One huge one was feeling as if my ex was hiding something from me - even asked this on the wedding day - he denied of course... but the truth always comes out.)

If it feels like it's going to be a good change, relax into it, and welcome it. We can't stop things from happening. It could be the season change. I always feel like "something is in the air" in a good way when the cooler weather comes!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

My gut feelings are almost always right on.
I hope this is a good change a'coming for you! I have a close circle of good friends. Others on the fringe....they're just sort of there.

Busymama Kellie said...

I do get gut feelings a lot but the thing is I never know if I've averted disaster by following it. I just go with the flow and assume things work out the way they were supposed to.

Jojo said...

Instincts ARE your only friends, Kel. I'm telling ya...I don't want to be all negative but friendship really is overrated in that...we look for these deep emotional things and they're only there to keep you company on the surface, I don't know if this makes sense. I think we're lucky in this world if we have one good friend..better than many mediocre ones I say