Ingorance is Bliss?

DQ is a smart little girl, sometimes I think she is too smart for her own good (definitely smart enough to keep me on my toes). She is the product of a relationship long ago since over and her bio-father isn't really in the picture. She's always known about him, the little I would tell her but she's never had any real interaction with him, no actual interaction at all aside from a phone call or two that stopped a long time ago. I say all this, not to paint the man in a bad light, but to merely set the premise for the conversation that ensues...


DQ: I am the only one with a different last name (upon hearing me refer to us as the 'Kel' family)
Me: Not true, I have both your last name AND daddy's last name.
DQ: but why am I different?
Me: Well, mommy married daddy so she took his last name and Little Miss and Jr were daddy's children so they got his last name and you, you're special you got mommies last name because she wasn't married to daddy when you were born. If you want daddies last name, we can do that. DQ: Yeah, I want to be just like the family.
Me: Ok, but that means that Mr. 'Donor' is no longer apart of it, you would only have 1 daddy.
DQ: oh, well then never mind, I don't want to give up Mr. Donor.
ME: Why?
DQ: Because Mr. Donor gave me a doll (which is now buried amongst her other gazillion stuffed animals)
Me: Hum, but daddy gave you a bike, what about that?
DQ: Yeah, but he didn't give me a doll.
Me: Right, but daddy gave you a computer and games and scooters and (the list is endless)
DQ: Ok, I know and those things are great.
Me: But .... you don't even know Mr. Donor....you don't even get to see Mr. Donor.
DQ: I know. Why is that?
Me: Well, its complicated and I don't really have an answer for that.
DQ: I know...its because he's really busy.
Me: Really busy? (insert long silent pause) Well, let me ask you...do you think it's ok?
DQ: Yes, he's busy mom.
Me: Really? What if mom ignored you when she was 'really busy' is that ok? What if dad ignored you when he was 'really busy?' Is that ok?
DQ: No, ya'll can't ignore me...ya'll love me.
Me: Yes, but its ok for Mr. Donor to ignore you?
DQ: Um...no, I guess not. Does that mean that Mr. Donor doesn't love me?
Me: Well....I'm not saying that, its just......complicated.

I love my daughter and I would do anything in my power to keep her from being hurt, but its tough. I have never explained the circumstances of how this nonexistent relationship came to be because she is too young and honestly, it has no bearing on things thus far. I've been able to push off the questions with simple answers of 'He's far away' or 'He's busy' and she's moved on from that subject until now....now I will not accept those answers.

These were the answers I provided many years ago, not the answers he provided, because honestly, he didn't provide any. But there comes a point, in this realm of parenting where empty answers do not suffice because in essence, what we say is what we teach our children. What I accept in my own life, my child learns as OK, what her mother says is the reasoning and allows it to be ok in their life...the child learns to accept as an answer as well.

I had never thought saying "He's busy" would ever be an answer and the logic to her reasoning, perhaps an excuse, but never an answer. I would hope I'm teaching my child that excuses are not answers and excuses are not acceptable, but obviously I have miscalculated just how many excuses I have allowed to be taken as answers.

Obviously, I have a lot more parenting to do, because ignorance - is NOT bliss.

Do you accept excuses as answers or do you seek the truth, no matter the cost?

Fear is....

Fear is...
...being told, at 20 weeks pregnant, that you are in premature labor, you are bleeding and there is nothing more the doctors can do for you except pray.

Fear is...
...letting your 9month old child go as you get on a plane, headed to a war somewhere far away knowing this could very well be the last time you ever get to see her or hold her again.

Fear is...
...working for just enough to cover the daycare expenses and other necessities of raising a toddler and wondering if you will ever be able to provide you child the type of life they deserve.

Fear is...
...packing what little you can into the truck of your car, along with your cat and daughter and joining the hundreds of other motorist in a last ditch effort to out run one of the most devestating hurricanes to hit the US. All the while knowing you may have nothing left to return to and you were barely holding on to begin with.

Fear is...
...watching your child be hurt by the actions of others, careless, thoughtless, apathetic adults who have no sense of compassion and being powerless to do anything to prevent the pain that results.

Fear is NOT...
...checking on your child at 10:30pm and realizing she is not in her bed. (Not unsual as I find my child with make shift beds elsewhere all the time)

...not being able to find said child after searching all the usual places she ends up after deciding she does not want to sleep in her bed.

...searching for your child for 20 minutes, turning every light on in the house and shouting her name because the house alarm has been on since you tucked said child into bed and no doors have been opened.

Fear in NOT...
...Finding said child comfortably asleep under her sisters crib, neatly hidden by her sisters crib skirt, curled snuggly up with a blanket....

...That my dear friends is....
PANIC and the utter self restraint to not hug said child until their eyes bulge from their head in an effort to throttle them because you were seconds from having a heartattack!


*****edit******
On a side note, I wonder if perhaps said child did not think this was some clever way to get her mamma on a slightly early April Fools joke??? ;)

What is YOUR best/worst April Fools joke memory??

Thank Goodness...

TGIF!

I sit here and start and stop paragraph over paragraph. I notice I have not posted since Monday...my Not Me Monday...and think about how it seems like an eternity since this week started.

• I am not at a lack for words, there was the moment I had a vision of clarity and for that brief instant could revel in all the joy that are my girls without being a parent and just be.
• There were the day(s) I just put my head in my hands at work and took a deep sigh at the audacity, opinions, nerve, idiocy of some people.
• There was the OMG-I'm going to be sick to my stomach because tomorrow is the first step in the process I tried to avoid.
• There was the - holy crap my baby has pink eye and the Dr. won't fit her in his schedule.
• There was the moment I realized I am teetering on the edge with a little girl who is smart enough to know better, who needs answers to the questions I am trying so hard at protecting her from...those moments when I wish there was a blueprint for parenting on how to handle the tough questions.

Yes, this has been a week from hell. Thoughts are swirling in my head, but only one keeps coming to the forefront. My daughter - the very being that I believe saved me from myself and yet, my need to talk about it all, to get the confirmation that I am not alone or even to get some much needed advice to tell me that they have been there and in the end, it works out...I cannot put it here. To put it here would be to publicly display my fears, my hurt, my wants and my wishes. To put it here would provide all sorts of ammunition to be used against me or to prepare a defense towards ... neither of which I am willing to do.

I am not alone in this battle that wages behind the scenes and consumes part of my brain and a large portion of my heart. I am not alone and the other party...well, they lurk from time to time and until this is over I will not play games with what needs to be done. I will not speak my mind, because I know they will twist my words and not understand the gravity of their actions. I will not share my fears because they will just prey upon those weaknesses.

Instead I will say...I am not gone, I am still reading and commenting as much as my soul will allow and above all else, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend - I know you all deserve it!

Indepenence

Little Miss came by her name honestly. She is very much my child and very much the hubs daughter...she is our own Little Miss Independent.

It was an evening like many others...dinner time had arrived and I got set to feed her some ravioli's.

As I hold up a spoon full, she pulls back and shakes her head NO. I tried to talk her into it to no avail and so I did what any self respecting mother would do and put the spoon in her mouth, convinced she would eat it, realize it was yummy and dinner would continue. She promptly spit it out.

So what do I do? How do I get my happy, just been bathed child to eat...Yes, that's right...I gave her the bowl, I gave her the spoon and went back to cooking dinner for the rest of the hungry, waiting family.

Did she eat? Yes, and then some....

Independence or stubbornness...do you get what you want?

Men Children

I love you daddy.

I love you too DQ - Burp

Awe mommy...daddy burped in my hair.

Ha ha, giggle giggle, ha ha

Mom, make him stop...it's not funny

Sure it is....you have BURP HAIR.

DAD - it's not funny, its gross.

ha ha, DQ has BURP hair.

Mom...he's looking at my burp hair, make him stop!

giggle giggle, burp hair...I think I can see it...come here and I'll wipe it off.

Dad you're so gross!

Ah, the joys of having more than one child in my house - the hub child and the daughter child!

Is your house this crazy or am I the lucky winner of such family love??

***Please excuse my mess...there are some changes going on behind the blog...it will be corrected shortly.

Sweet & Sassy

Being a mother, we spend our time teaching our children how to walk, talk, tie their shoes, how to dress themselves and how to become individual little people. When we are not teaching them the basics of life we are teaching them manners, morals, culture and values - the things we deem important in their knowledge. Somewhere in there we try to squeeze in a few moments to laugh and play all the while, knowing we are still watching out for these children we love so dearly.

As a mother, I can relate much more to my daughters, DQ and Little Miss, much more than I can Jr, because he's a boy. That is not to say we don't have anything in common, however, when DQ comes home and tells me about some 'smelly, gross thing' a boy did at school - I can laugh with her and completely understand where she is coming from. When Jr. laughs at the use of the word 'penis' or goes off to hunt creepy/crawly things...I am usually left with a dumb, blank stare on my face.

As their mother, I can relate to my daughters. As a woman I can relate to other women. While we are not identical we are still very much alike and have at some point, been there where they are now. So when the opportunity came for me to spend the day with DQ at the Spa - I gladly ditched the hub and snatched up DQ as if her life depended on it. Typically I would have never thought twice about taking my daughter to a Spa...for heavens sake, she is too young to enjoy that and usually those are my moments to get away and relax, but in this case, we were headed to Sweet & Sassy Spa and Salon for little girls.

Yes, that is right - Little girls who can get their hair done, mini-manis & mini-pedis, and makeup. It is down right adorable and the people who work there are so much fun I wish I could go there myself. They have make your own lotions, lip gloss, glitter this and glam that. DQ opted for a hair cut (shampoo, cut and style) and because she's been on her best behavior for a few weeks now I threw in a mini-mani. From the moment we stepped thru those doors her smile beamed from ear to ear and did not fail until bed time when she was informed 'her up-do' would not last until school tomorrow.

At least she had fun today....today where she was both Sweet & Sassy and I caught a brief glimpse of the girl of tomorrow.

Friday Funny - Road Trip

It's Friday and while I'm thrilled to have a few days of not having to get up before the sun, this week wasn't one of the best. So instead of my usual "Fractional Friday" I'm providing you with a "Friday Funny."


While driving down the road listening to blue collar comedy on the radio Jeff Foxworthy comes on and is telling a story about his daughter.

She comes to him and his wife one day and asks:

"Is wrestling considered SEX?"

They chuckle and respond with:

"well honey that depends on how hard you wrestle."
*nudge nudge wink wink*
"Why?"

It's at this point the hubs and I giggle at the reference when from the back seat we suddenly hear a voice pipe in

"I don't get whats so funny?"

OH CRAP - DQ was listening...wasn't she just asleep????

Have you recently had an "oh crap" moment?

Monday Madness - Gingerbread House

1. Gingerbread House Kit (ready to assemble)



Only 11 more days 'till Christmas...Have you been good this year??

Where is it?

#1
Me - DQ, come with me and get your bag from the car so I can go to work.
DQ - What bag?
Me - The bag your book came in, you have to take it back to school today.
DQ - Where is it?
Me - In the car (opens car door) DQ, where is your bag?
DQ - I don't know, I left it in the car.
Me - No, its not here...you better get in the house and find it before you go to school.
DQ - Will you help me find it?
Me - Seriously?

#2

Me - DQ, how was school?
DQ - Good, but I lost my lunch box.
Me - How did that happen?
DQ - Well I finished my lunch, got up to leave and then remembered it so I went to get it and it was gone.
Me - Seriously...gone? Did you look for it?
DQ - Yep, everywhere and I couldn't find it. Can you take me to the store to get another one?

#3
Me - DQ, where's your gameboy, I need to charge it for the trip.
DQ - I don't know.
Me - Well you need to get up and go find it.
DQ - (after frantic 30 seconds of searching) Mooooooom - I can't find it, I don't know where it is?
Me - Keep looking. Did you look on the shelf? The Night stand? In the Gameboy case where it should be?
DQ - Yes. Yes. Yes. It's not in either place. Will you help me find it?
Me - Seriously??

My child, finder of little, loser of A LOT.

Need a Smile?

A little giggle from me to you!

What makes YOU giggle?

Today....

I woke up as the sun broke into dawn, it was just another day and yet it was a special day. I busied myself with all the little things I needed to get done before I left, picking up the last of this or putting away that. I was outwardly calm, but you could feel the electricity in the air all around.
I arrive early and wait. Finally I am able to get in and the mountain of paperwork begins. Sounds from the rooms next door filter in and out, people come and go, it's a busy day. I wait. I wait and talk to the hub in an effort to pass the time...fill the silence, calm my growing nerves.
My time comes and I am led down the hall into the cold, sterile room. There are strangers all around and while everyone is concerned about me, no one really cares about me. They move in fluid motion, like a well choreographed dance and the lead is you.

Seconds tick into minutes. Minutes roll together. I cannot feel anything and then I hear the most beautiful thing. I hear your voice and I know every moment has led to this one, this one moment when everything else fades away and all is right with the world.

On this day, exactly one year ago I held you in my arms for the very first time. My heart overflowing with a love for you that I did not even know was possible. A love that I had only felt for one other. A love that now was for you too.

Ask-hole?

I'm so sorry I was MIA yesterday - I am just overwhelmed and exhausted.

I am in the midst of finishing up around the house for our upcoming Halloween party this weekend and it has me a bit frazzled. I think I've just finally reached a point where my brain and my heart are so full that I am not sure what to do.

There is too much not fully sorted out to try and explain here, but in my world there is a battle of logic vs. emotion and I am desperately wanting a vacation from it all. I am still peeking in on your blogs, but promise to be back with pictures and stories from the Halloween party.

In the mean time, I thought I would share with you a piece of information I just learned - curtisy of DQ.

DQ - Mom, Dylan called me a "ask-hole" today at school.
Me - Hum..really?
DQ - Yes, but that is ok, I didn't mind.
Me - I see. That is not a nice thing to call someone.
DQ - It's not bad.
Me - It's not bad? Why is that.
DQ - An 'ask-hole' is someone who asks a lot of questions, that's all. Don't you know anything??
Me - Um..I can't say I knew that, but thank you for sharing!

Election Year

It's an election year, just like it is every four years. I am not a political blogger, I don't even claim to be all that political in a non-blogosphere...I do have political opinions, but rather than get too involved in voiceing them, I prefer to watch the process and keep it all to myself.

Not only is it an election year for the soon to be New President, it is also election time in the town I live in. Multiple positions are up for grabs this year which sparked this conversation as DQ and I were driving out of town.

DQ - Mom, what are all those people doing? (standing on the side of the road holding signs for people to vote)

Me - Trying to get people to vote.

DQ - Vote? What are they voting?

Me - For Mayor of the town and stuff.

DQ - Do you vote?

Me - Yes.

DQ - Can I vote?

Me - When you are 18, sure...that's when you are old enough.

DQ - What is voting?

Me - Well, it's when people get to pick the people to be in charge and make the rules. (Do you see my non-politicalness starting to show?)

DQ - In charge of what?

Me - It's like when mom and dad make the rules in the house. If Mom said "I will take away desserts and snacks, we will go to school all the time, and bed time will be 2 hrs earlier" these will be moms rules. But if Dad said "We'll have ice cream every day, you can watch tv as much as you want, we'll do fun stuff every day and you can stay up as late as you want." Both mom and dad promise to do something and you get to 'vote' or pick who you want based on who's rules you like the best.

DQ - I choose you...I like you.

Me - Me? Really? You want my rules?

DQ - No, I want you to be president of our house with dad's rules.

Me - It doesn't work like that, that persons rules don't change. So who do you pick?

DQ - Dad, I guess...But I'd still like for you to be president of our house, can you change your rules?? Please???

Don't you wish voteing was as easy as ice cream and bed times?

The hardest job...

...I've ever had is being a mother.

Every day I stop over at ABunsLife where her tag line "Trying not to mess my children up one day at a time" gives me a chuckle each day- it's humorous and yet so true.

You've heard me say this many times before, parenting should come with a handbook, but it doesn't. What we have is experiences from our own parents and those, perhaps, that we looked up to at one point in time to use as foundation for our own future families.

But what if we don't?

What if what we grow up with is a small sliver of right mixed in with a whole lot of wrong...how do we decipher what we should and/or should not be doing that will completely screw up our children? My situation is not the norm, so perhaps I struggle with this issue more often than others, but I try to make the best decisions I know how and yet, with just a few words...there are moments my daughter can rip it all out from under me and leave me feeling more vulnerable than I ever imagined any child could.

I was born to a teenage girl who's own mother was so consumed by depression and alcohol that she had stopped noticing her daughter, my biological mother - Mo. Mo, thought she could have a child who would love her and need her, I would be the thing to fill the missing void. Like many young teenagers, Mo's plan had a small flaw - someone would need to raise me, be there for me and take care of me. That someone role is usually reserved for the parent, but in this case, Mo was not ready for this responsibility.

Faced with a choice, Mo choose to give me up for adoption when I was about a year old. I was given to a family for what was thought to be a better life and I guess, by all accounts, it was. I had a mother and father and a sister - I was taken care of and loved, what more could I ask for, right?

For starters, I was a bit headstrong - my mother (adoptive) had her own issues and these two elements did not mesh well. I was raised with a firm hand, fairly strict rules and I learned early on that if these rules were broken, there would be punishment. One of the strongest memories I have is being told that when I was about 4 or 5 I looked at my mother and told her "I don't need you. I can take care of myself." Growing up, I thought it was quite funny every single time my mother would throw it in my face...now, while I realize it is a child talking and not understanding what she was saying, I can begin to see how this hurt my mother. You see, my mother had her own bowl of issues, mentally - the woman was not the most stable person. I don't ever doubt that she loved me, but I think she never quite understood how to be a mother, never quite knew how to show love.

My mother and I led a very strained relationship while I was growing up, my father often worked long hours and was rarely home, my sister was much older and had her own life. Eventually, my mother and I saw a difference of opinions for the last time and it was over. I moved out and I never spoke to her again. It's been over 10 years since I've seen or spoken to this woman and there are days when I often wonder what it was that was the straw that broke the camels back. What final incident was enough that I could walk away and never look back...even after all this time, never feel regret for leaving?

I didn't leave my family, just my mother and eventually we all left my mother. The interesting twist of this story is that even then I was searching for myself and at that time in my life, I thought the answers would lie in my birth line. I sought out Mo. I searched for my biological father - both of which I found. I had questions - some were answered and some I don't know if I'll ever have answers. Mo, is apart of my life today. She is apart of my children's lives - she is not my mother. She has no desire to be my mother, she is my friend. We are alike, in looks and in personality which I find terribly scary sometimes. Mo, choose to have another child a few years after me and as evident with him, she was still not quite ready to be a mother. Even today, a 40 year old woman will tell you she has yet to grow up. As for her mother, eventually she was overly consumed with her own problems and took her life, leaving everyone around her with questions and too few answers.

This is my history, my family legacy...for my children I want more - but I have no idea where to begin. I am a parent to my children, I am not their friend. Even though I love them fiercely I too, believe they should be taught right and wrong and consequences of their actions. This has led to many "I hate you's" or "You're a mean mommy." Just words - I try to remind myself, it stings a bit when they are thrown at me, but as time goes I feel them a little less each time. Then comes a day when my child looks at me as say's the unthinkable. In an instant my world flashes around me and while I know there is no merit to her words...she and only she has exposed me and left me feeling vulnerable and raw.

There are things I can moderately prepare for, things I know one day I will face because all mother/daughter relationships face these moments. There are things I am aware come with having children and teaching them to exert there Independence. There are many lessons I know are still yet to come, it is not these I fear...it's the ones I never thought would ever enter my world because I was going to make sure my child never felt the way I did.

Being a parent is not an easy job. It is by far the hardest job I've ever done.

Spiders - Oh My!

There are many days where little Miss follows DQ around the house or (more often) DQ drags Little Miss from one room to another so she can 'play' with her. Sunday was no different - the girls are busy moving from room to room and the hub and I are putting up the laundry, they are chitter chattering away when out of the blue we here this....

DQ - "OMG, there's a spider!"

Little Miss is crawling around DQ's room. (and yes, DQ has taken to calling her sister 'girl' like that is her name)

DQ - "Girl, there's a spider... I don't like spiders, oh, someone needs to kill it."

I'm about right across the hall and think I should probably go check this out, if Little Miss gets to it she will probably try and eat it...it's probably outside the window so I'll just hang up this shirt before I go in there. (insert bad parenting skills here)

DQ - "Oh, get it girl...I don't like it...Kill it - Kill the spider girl!"

It's about this time that I think yeah, I should probably go check the situation out, so I walk the 15 feet or so to DQ's room where I find her crouched in a corner and Little Miss looking at her like she's lost her mind, do a quick scan of the room (thinking for sure I will spot the spider and say -

Me - "Where is the spider? I don't see a spider."

DQ - "Yeah mom, it's right there!" pointing frantically at her bedspread.

Me - "Um, where I don't see it."

DQ - inches ever so close and says "See, mom...RIGHT THERE!"

Oh, I can see this tiny spec of something no bigger than this period . - that's a spider?

I smush it and go back to my room to resume putting up the laundry. As I walk in the hub says to me -

Hub - "Good thing Little Miss was in there to save DQ - she's only 9 months old and already has mastered the art of trapping and killing spiders by eating them!"

What's the worst thing you can remember getting your siblings to do? Do your children do this to their siblings?

When is young too young?

One night over dinner, a woman at a restaurant remarked about my daughters and how she
"thought girls were easier that boys."

I politely smiled and responded with "I think they are equally difficult, it's just that girls are a bit easier when they are young and then they switch places and boys become easier during their teen years." She looked over at me and said - "actually, the difference between boys and girls in their teen years is that girls will tell you what they are doing and boys will just say 'ok, mom' and do it anyway."

It was a conversation between strangers and personally I cannot attest to raising teenagers yet, but I was confronted with a situation I was not quite ready for (I think I say that a lot these days) that made this conversation come blaring back into vision.

SEX - when do you bring it up? When does the topic of sex become a conversation to have with your children?

Shortly before bed one evening, DQ is getting dressed and I am waiting to read her bedtime story when she starts telling me that a little boy was telling her about a "girl who sucked a boy's thing." Out of the blue this revelation is told to me and I am caught off guard so I ask, "sucked his thing? What thing?" Hoping against all else that she is not talking about blowjobs, but she informs me by pointing that is indeed what she is referring to.

WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY NOW?? (mentally searching for the right answer)

So I probe a bit more into the conversation she and this little boy had (at school) to which I finally ask, "And, what did you say to him when he told you this?" DQ says "I told him Ewe - that was gross." Stuck somewhere between wanting to laugh at the comment, be a good parent and explain this correctly to her [without a lifetime of screwupedness], and wanting to shelter her and let the conversation go (she's only 6 - this cannot be the age for the sex talk can it?) I ventured into the realm of 'good parent' and tried to explain how to handle this situation if it were to come up again.

I am not entirely sure, but I can't imagine I need to explain what "sucking his thing" is to her(not yet anyway), I was however more concerned with the fact the conversation took place and what other conversations are being had by these children. I decided to explain to her that this was something she should not do, no one should ask her to do this, or touch it or show it or see it. These are private parts for NO ONE to see and if someone asks she should say NO as loud as she can and run away. She should then go tell an adult.

She took it all in stride and went on like it was no big deal, all the while, me-the parent, is still searching for the answers. I have to admit *hangs head in shame* my first thought when she told me this was to tell her that is gross, nasty and bad and tell her that is how babies are made. I thought if I could scare her, perhaps I could protect her, but just as fast as the thought appeared, I also realized that not knowing the truth is sometime more destructive in the long run than having some accurate knowledge.

I was preparing for 'the talk' at about the age of 8...never in my wildest dreams did I think these topics would show up now. Now, I'm not sure what will come up next - when did kids stop talking about playground topics and start talking about sex topics?

What do you think is the right response?

Dear God...

"God is great, god is good, please take care of my family
AND
I wish I may I wish I might...god I wish I was a teenager."

This was my daughters prayer one night. Yes, it was a mix of elements but it was sincere. My daughter, who is only 6 is counting the moments until she is a teenager - I on the other hand am in NO HURRY!

I look back on my own awkward teenage years and think "God, I am so glad I survived them and I would NEVER want to go back." However I remember being a child and being told I couldn't do something by my parents and thinking to myself, "when I'm a teenager, I'll do whatever I want to." But, it was never that simple.

I'll admit there was something appealing about the prospect of being older when I was a child, but I failed to realize the 'responsibility' aspect of it. All I saw was freedom-I never once saw the "you must earn the right" to be able to do what it is I was after - suffice it to say, when I reached those years, I was quickly made aware.

I giggle to myself now, as I listen to my 6 year old daughter, urgently pray at night for god to make her a teenager while Mom urgently begs him to not let her grow up so fast. I try to explain to her to enjoy this time because it goes by far to quickly and those years of being a teenager are awkward and difficult, but she doesn't see this. She only sees her freedom.

If you could go back to your teenage years, what advice would you give to yourself?

My Teacher Likes It

I've said it once, I'm sure I'll say it a million more times during my lifetime...
Raising girls is not an easy task.

Then again, I don't think raising boys would be much easier. Either way, I tend to my daughter on a daily basis and despite my best effort, she has a way of making me question my success as a mother. (How do we measure success as a mother?)

See, my daughter started 1st grade this year and because we start school so early here, she has been in school for 3 weeks (plenty of time to get the hang of things.) My daughter LOVES to talk - always has and talking is her biggest problem area in school.

She is smart and does very well in the academic area, however, her conduct for talking has always been less than stellar. Last year we implemented a reward systems based on her daily color conduct chart. There were rewards for Green - Excellent and punishments for each color there after. The punishments were not severe, yellow was a loss of dessert with dinner, blue was a loss of a movie, dessert and cartoons the next morning before school and so on. She struggled with green last year. More often than not she had yellows, but there were those rare occasions where she would have a week of all green and her reward was a day at Chuck E Cheese. (She still asks for that as her BIG reward)

In preparation of this impending year I put a lot of thought into her behavior and what we would do about it. This year, she will get letter grades E, G, S, N, & U and for each there should be a reward/consequence. E&G = reward, S = loss of a privilege and N&U = punishment (I pray everyday I don't see these letters.) Being that she is getting older (thinks she is grown) I want to provide her more of an incentive in the areas that I think she will struggle...E. It's not that I think she can't do it, but more along the lines of probably won't do it because she likes to tell me, "Mom, it's ok...I just like to talk."

So with a system in place we start the year. Her goal is to get an E and for every E she gets during the month, I will give her $1 at the end of the month to do with as she pleases. For an entire week of E&G I will take her to Chuck E Cheese or some other activity of her choice. She is excited with this idea.

The first week comes and goes and there are no E's. She did good, G & S...and some almost E's but almost doesn't count I explain to her. Week 2 comes and goes and she has E, G, and S. She is very excited to have earned $2 that week - we mark it on her calender so she can keep track of it. Week 3 begins and so far this week she has gotten E's on both days.

She is VERY excited.

I am very excited for her.

Then she informs me...her TEACHER likes her to get E's.

But...but...what about me? What about MOM? You know, the one who wants her to do her best? Doesn't mom like her to get E's?

I won't complain too loudly, because at least she cares...I just wonder if my success as a parent - my ability to motivate my child to do well is really a reflection of me or her teacher?!

I am amazed at how one little girls statement can reduce me to a questioning idiot...now I just stare in the mirror and repeat... I am the momma. I AM THE MOMMA!

Do your kids ever make you question yourself? Did your teachers or your parents opinion matter more?

Out of the mouths of Babes

My husband came home from taking his son back and one of the first things he noted was "Boys and Girls are SO different." When I question him on this ...
"oh really, (insert sarcastic look here) What makes you think that?"

"Well, they don't care about the same things. All he cared about while we were there was fishing. It was a completely different atmosphere because they were seperated."

Well Duh! I could have told you that before you ever left home.

Case and point...
My daughter started 1st grade this year and this is what she has to say about it.

DQ: Mom, school is great - it's super easy
Me: That's because you are smart.
DQ: Yeah and I have a boyfriend.
Me: Hum...a boyfriend? Who is this boyfriend of yours...it is only the second day.
DQ: His name is Dillion.
Me: I don't know Dillion...you can't have a boyfriend if I don't know him...what if he is mean.
DQ: Well he's not mean, he's nice. He likes my hair.
Me: Likes your hair?
DQ: Yes, he thinks it is pretty.
Me: Well, I still say you can't have a boyfriend unless I meet Dillion and I don't remember a Dillion on the first day.
DQ: MOM - why not?
Me: I don't think you can have a boyfriend until you are 30...yeah 30 and then we'll talk.
DQ: Oh Mom...but he is really nice, just come to school with me and I'll show you.

I've been trying to teach her that boys have "cooties" but that isn't seeming to work very well. I try to remember being that age, but honestly my first "boyfriend" wasn't until I was in the third grade. His name was George and he gave me broken jewlery. I know, even then I was a sucker for the stuff, but we were in different classes and each day at recess we would go outside and play 'red rover' and hold hands. (awe, how sweet) That was back in the day when "holding hands" was a BIG DEAL. Now..not so much.

Anyhow, as you can see, I've got one who's only concern is catching the Big Fish and one who's concern is catching the 'boyfriend.'

What is a mother to do?

Do you remember your childhood sweety?

Monday Madness - Back to School

It is that time of year again - the time of year I've been simultaneously looking forward to and dreading all summer long...the first day of school. So in honor of My daughter's 1st day of school this year...
Monday Madness - Back to School

1. Shopping - Tax free weekend signifies "come one, come all" and get your back to school gear here.
It also signifies hot, stuffy stores, clothing that has been ransacked by other eager parents and a guarantee that you will wait an hour to pay for your stuff.

2. Supplies - As soon as the school year is looming ahead the supplies are dropped down to pennies on the dollar.
The stores know we will be buying them in mass quantities to satisfy our school requirements...why is it then that pencils can be sold in bundle packs of 50 for 25 cents but all the rest of the year I have to buy them in packs of 10 for $1?

3. Shoes - My child's feet seem to grow like weeds. Rarely do they ever last long enough in 'wearable' condition for her to outgrow them...it's more like I just keep replacing them.
Any other time of the year buying shoes isn't such a deplorable idea, at the start of the year however the stores seem to plan for 1 person to man the entire shoe department - at which time I am sending them back with 4 pairs in 2 sizes (one whole and one half size) to see which ones fit better. Add that to the list of other parents sending the guy back and you are bound to not see him for at least 30 minutes.

4. School Specifics - The requirements from the school that can only be bought from the child's school.
The school notebooks used to relay information/homework home to the parents each day that are imprinted with the schools information or the writing tablets that can only be found at the schools library or the specific glue tops? Seriously...a glue top??

5. Student Pickup - There are specific rules when driving thru the drop off/pickup line at my daughters school...2 lines in filter into 1 (picture cattle being herded into the cattle shoot) - each year however there are the new parents who don't know the 'driving etiquette' or the drivers who show up once or twice to pick up the kids and screw it all up for the rest of us parents. Seriously, if you drive down the road and see 15 cars lined up on the side waiting to turn into the driveway, then you should realize they are not just hanging out for fun...you cannot jump in front and cut line.

What quirks do you have at the start of the school year?