Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Steps towards a New Beginning

You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough.

This was what my fortune cookie revealed to me, where now it sits visible as a daily reminder to myself. Desperation is a funny thing - it can make people do funny things, things they normally would not find themselves doing. Sometimes this is a good thing, as it can spur you into action when it seems the chips are not in your favor and cause you to get creative or pursue your passion and sometimes desperation can cause you to explore options not normally in your nature because you feel you've been backed into a corner and have no other way out.

I don't want to be desperate though, to find what I love or to get what I then what?

What do I want? It's a question I've asked myself many thousand times before - a question usually answered with silence. A defining silence that echos within the spirit of my being because I was afraid to answer that question...afraid I might not find what I wanted. So what is it that I want...what is it that I truly desire in this world, beyond my health and a good life for my family full of love and opportunity to see my children grow and thrive?

I want to be inspired.

I want to feel passion in what I do.

I need to feel challenged.

I need to feel alive.

So where do I go from here?

2009 is said to be a year for big change - its electrifying the air around us-perhaps that's true, but for me, I am feeling the urge to seek out my place in all of fuel my passion and go after what my heart desires. I do what I currently do because its easy and it comes naturally. Nothing more than the ordinary is expected of me and I chose this path specifically because of this. A while back, I found my self at a cross roads and took the one that looked like the road less traveled. It was dark, bumpy and more than once I fell down, scrapped my knee and even got beat up once or twice along the way. So when that path intersected once again with this one, I did not hesitate to move to a more favorable, well lit one. Looking back on the experience I notice one commonality...I was tired and ill prepared for the journey the first time. I struggled down that road because I did everything the hard way and sometimes I think you have to do it the hard way first so that you can enjoy and fully appreciate when it is done right.

Problem for me is that what was intended to be a quick break in the action, became instead a place for me to hide out and blend in with my surroundings. A place to become complacent and satisfy only my basic necessities. It did nothing to foster personal or creative growth, it did not inspire me in any way and often times left me mentally starving. Instead of fighting my way out of this slump, I dug in and made myself a more permanent fixture on the wall because it paid the bills and didn't require me to think much...something I was tired of doing.

Now however, I am stagnating in this place I've come to call my prison and need to break free and resume active participation down the path of my own life. That is the part I'm not so sure of...the part that requires me to let go of my familiar surroundings and step into the unknown fueled only by my hearts desire, my passion.

In the spirit of all things new with the changing of the calander, my resolution this year is to find my passion. My wish for each of you in the year 2009 is that you find your passion and let it lead the way.

Doing what you like is freedom, liking what you do is happieness!


tootie said...

You are so right. It's so much better to choose the tough path and follow your passion, instead of taking the easy road.

It's funny that you mentioned fortune cookies. I got a fortune recently that said "Procrastination is the fear of success." I keep it in my car, where I can see it every day. I think it relates a lot to your fortune, too.

Best of luck forging your new path in 2009! I look forward to hearing more about it :)

Kim said...

This post screams my name Kel. I am at a crossroad right now where I want to jump and make a leap of faith.. and I am going to do it.. I have the plan set.. but I am SCARED to death of doing it.

Go with your heart. Make the leap. You, my friend, can do anything you put your mind too.. I just know it.

the cubicle's backporch said...

I think about this a lot, b/c while engineering is a great career, I don't really think it's the best career for me. But, at the same time, I don't know what I want to do. I can't just quit and go back to school b/c we got bills.

This was a great post. I hope you find your passion!

Jen said...

Ah, the unending search to find one's passion. I'm still a passenger on that train myself. Here's wishing good luck to both of us this year!

zandria said...

This is a very relevant post for me right now -- and it's good for me to hear other people talking about it. I have a mostly easy and mostly stress-free job (and can't complain about the paycheck). But is it what I SHOULD be doing? What I WANT to be doing? Probably not. Must put more thought into this, indeed. :)

Heather said...

i completely agree with this post-- it's so hard to take the "thought out" road, then the "easy" road, yet so many people do it constantly.

i've always been a "take the long way" kinda girl, and i know that (while it can be frustrating) 2009 will be no different!

Kori said...

I can't htink in terms of my entire life, because I can't see so far in front of me. I can, and try to, live each day to the fullest. I will also add that sometimes desperation is the exact motivating kick in the pants you need-in my case, it has been at any rate. Whatever path you take, let it be YOURS, and blessing to your 2009.

Kellan said...

This was a GREAT post, Kel!! I wish you LUCK in finding your new path - your passion!! You will find it and when you do - GO FOR IT!!!

Take care - Kellan