Thursday, January 8, 2009

Got Faith?

Do you have Faith?

Faith is defined as:
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing
2. belief that is not based on proof

For many it is a belief in God or a Higher Being, I am not getting into the religious debate so for the purpose of this post, I am going to simply leave it at the definitions above.

I have faith. Faith that there is a bigger purpose for me than I am aware, faith that I am not alone in this world, faith that everything has a reason-even if unknown to me. I have always had faith, but I have not always held onto these beliefs as strongly as I do now.

Yesterday, I got the phone call I had known all along would come, the one I was preparing for and yet, secretly hoping I could escape, and you know what? Despite the fact that I had plenty of fair warning-it made my chest tighten up as I sucked in air like someone had just sucker punched me in the gut.

I sat there, listening to the person on the other end with a smile plastered on my face so no one around me would know and spoke with a more "up beat" chirp in my voice than necessary to try and mask my immensely growing fear. Doubtful that I succeeded, but then again perhaps no one knew.

Knowing it is coming does not make it easier.

The day I proclaim to the world that I have decided to seek my "passion," the day I take my stand against the great unknown and just like that, it laughs in my face and brings me right back down to earth, only this time a few inches smaller than I was when I started.

On the surface, everything is clearly defined, explanations and logic fall neatly into place. I could easily tie a pretty bow on this package and put it on the shelf with all the others, but in my heart I know there is something I am meant to understand that is just below the surface, something I can't quite see yet. I've talked about change a few months ago, at which time I had nothing to go on but a feeling. A few months prior to that I asked you all "If you would want to know what lies ahead?" Not because I knew what was ahead, but because I felt something. Even this morning as I sorted thru emails, one small quote at the end of a friends note caught my eye -

"Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk."

So what am I trying to say?

Yesterday sucked, to put it bluntly and for today I'm holding onto faith that there is a bigger picture, that I cannot see or understand yet, but there is something in store much greater than the fear I currently harbor. Fear is my greatest weakness and I am doing my damndest to over come this right now, not really sure how, but knowing that while things could be so much worse, this is not a problem I am facing so much as an opportunity waiting to be seized.

Have you seized your opportunity today?


Kim said...

Kel, I just pray you are okay. Tell me you are okay.

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

well, Kel, I do hope everything is okay with you and you are healthy! Prayers your way!

tootie said...

My prayers are with you!

the cubicle's backporch said...

I have faith that there is a higher power. I tend to learn towards the 'everything happens for a reason' mentallity (if I can). However, if something devestating were to happen, I know it would be hard to think of it like that.

I hope you're okay.

A Buns Life said...

I do think that everything happens for a reason, but I "tend" to try to make the best out major life changes and make them really work for me instead of against me. (after some freaking out and tears of course!) I know you can do the same! Use this change as an opportunity, to seize what you want. Nothing is holding you back now....You can do it!! Hugs.

jupitersinclair said...

I have faith that everything will turn out ok. It drives my hubby insane. We can have the electricity turned off, get slammed w/ an eviction notice and have a loaf of bread left and I'm just, "It'll all be ok". And most of the time, it turns out just fine.

Hope all is good.

mommaof4wife2r said...

hebrews is being sure of what we HOPE for and CERTAIN of what we can not see.

that my dear friend, is a verse to stand strong with and pray. it's my fav in times of "suck-i-ness".

and for's one i struggle with, so i have to saw over and over "his grace is sufficient" paul, when he was imprisoned and tortured.

best thing i can do...and will continue to pray for you, kel.

♥spoiled mommy♥ said...

Kel- my dear friend, I hope everything is okay.
Im here for you if you need me.
My thoughts & prayers are with you.

Kori said...

I have faith, but it isn't just about God for me. I think there a a lot of opportunities in life disguised by a big bucket of shit, and our job is to plug our nose and go digging. Will be sending you peaceful thoughts.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I do have faith...don't know where I'd be without it.
I hope everything is ok with you.

skiplovey said...

Y'know I try to do the same thing when things I going badly, have faith that things are going to work themselves out like they're supposed to do.
Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, hope things turn around for you. Prayers for you!

Heather said...

kel, i hope you are alright. i've been thinking of you since i've read this the first time in my reader the other day. i truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so keep your chin up. keep the faith. how can people survive without it?