Thursday, January 8, 2009

Got Faith?


Do you have Faith?

Faith is defined as:
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing
2. belief that is not based on proof

For many it is a belief in God or a Higher Being, I am not getting into the religious debate so for the purpose of this post, I am going to simply leave it at the definitions above.

I have faith. Faith that there is a bigger purpose for me than I am aware, faith that I am not alone in this world, faith that everything has a reason-even if unknown to me. I have always had faith, but I have not always held onto these beliefs as strongly as I do now.

Yesterday, I got the phone call I had known all along would come, the one I was preparing for and yet, secretly hoping I could escape, and you know what? Despite the fact that I had plenty of fair warning-it made my chest tighten up as I sucked in air like someone had just sucker punched me in the gut.

I sat there, listening to the person on the other end with a smile plastered on my face so no one around me would know and spoke with a more "up beat" chirp in my voice than necessary to try and mask my immensely growing fear. Doubtful that I succeeded, but then again perhaps no one knew.

Knowing it is coming does not make it easier.

The day I proclaim to the world that I have decided to seek my "passion," the day I take my stand against the great unknown and just like that, it laughs in my face and brings me right back down to earth, only this time a few inches smaller than I was when I started.

On the surface, everything is clearly defined, explanations and logic fall neatly into place. I could easily tie a pretty bow on this package and put it on the shelf with all the others, but in my heart I know there is something I am meant to understand that is just below the surface, something I can't quite see yet. I've talked about change a few months ago, at which time I had nothing to go on but a feeling. A few months prior to that I asked you all "If you would want to know what lies ahead?" Not because I knew what was ahead, but because I felt something. Even this morning as I sorted thru emails, one small quote at the end of a friends note caught my eye -

"Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk."

So what am I trying to say?

Yesterday sucked, to put it bluntly and for today I'm holding onto faith that there is a bigger picture, that I cannot see or understand yet, but there is something in store much greater than the fear I currently harbor. Fear is my greatest weakness and I am doing my damndest to over come this right now, not really sure how, but knowing that while things could be so much worse, this is not a problem I am facing so much as an opportunity waiting to be seized.

Have you seized your opportunity today?

12 comments:

Kim said...

Kel, I just pray you are okay. Tell me you are okay.

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

well, Kel, I do hope everything is okay with you and you are healthy! Prayers your way!

tootie said...

My prayers are with you!

the cubicle's backporch said...

I have faith that there is a higher power. I tend to learn towards the 'everything happens for a reason' mentallity (if I can). However, if something devestating were to happen, I know it would be hard to think of it like that.

I hope you're okay.

A Buns Life said...

I do think that everything happens for a reason, but I "tend" to try to make the best out major life changes and make them really work for me instead of against me. (after some freaking out and tears of course!) I know you can do the same! Use this change as an opportunity, to seize what you want. Nothing is holding you back now....You can do it!! Hugs.

jupitersinclair said...

I have faith that everything will turn out ok. It drives my hubby insane. We can have the electricity turned off, get slammed w/ an eviction notice and have a loaf of bread left and I'm just, "It'll all be ok". And most of the time, it turns out just fine.

Hope all is good.

mommaof4wife2r said...

hebrews 11:1...faith is being sure of what we HOPE for and CERTAIN of what we can not see.

that my dear friend, is a verse to stand strong with and pray. it's my fav in times of "suck-i-ness".

and for fear...it's one i struggle with, so i have to saw over and over "his grace is sufficient"...like paul, when he was imprisoned and tortured.

best thing i can do...and will do...is continue to pray for you, kel.

♥spoiled mommy♥ said...

Kel- my dear friend, I hope everything is okay.
Im here for you if you need me.
My thoughts & prayers are with you.

Kori said...

I have faith, but it isn't just about God for me. I think there a a lot of opportunities in life disguised by a big bucket of shit, and our job is to plug our nose and go digging. Will be sending you peaceful thoughts.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I do have faith...don't know where I'd be without it.
I hope everything is ok with you.
xoxo

skiplovey said...

Y'know I try to do the same thing when things I going badly, have faith that things are going to work themselves out like they're supposed to do.
Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, hope things turn around for you. Prayers for you!

Heather said...

kel, i hope you are alright. i've been thinking of you since i've read this the first time in my reader the other day. i truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so keep your chin up. keep the faith. how can people survive without it?