Friday, May 2, 2008

Relationship Growth

He cheated! Rebuilding a marriage rocked by infidelity was a headline on msn about a woman who's husband cheated on her with another woman who shared their social circle. It caught my attention as I've been struggling with my own trust issues. No, I'm not saying that my hub is cheating, but recently his ex has begun sending business his that has them spending more time on the phone than before.

I feel silly for even thinking...I mean, this woman doesn't live in the same state as us, not to mention I know my husband loves me. What this did, however was get me thinking about my marriage and how far we've come from where we started(which was a rather questionable place to begin with.) The University of Missouri posted

"Most spouses start out full of hopes and dreams and are truly committed to making their marriage work. Yet as the reality of living with a less than perfect spouse sets in and the pressures of life build, many individuals feel less romantic and do not find as much satisfaction in their relationships."

Less than perfect, of course, we are human. We lead busy lives; both work full-time jobs(he also a has a side job from home), have two energetic daughters, attempt to socialize with friends, and sustain some type of hobby/sport/individual activity. This coupled with balancing a marriage can leave the best of us feeling beat sometimes. I love the hub, but ever since the birth of our second daughter I've felt like things are off kilter. I'm not sexy enough, I'm not focused enough, I'm not fun enough. If only I could be the girl I was 5 years ago then perhaps.....sadly enough I am not, nor will I ever be again.

What has happened is the relationship has changed, we've changed - we've grown. There have been moments where we've grown together and moments where we've grown apart, but we have always supported each other. UofM states that "positivity, empathy, commitment, acceptance and mutual love/respect are the keys to making marriage/relationships last. I agree, this is not always easy for us to do, but we have always been willing to work on it. That much is still true today.

I guess what I struggle with the most is accepting that he loves me for who I am today and not who I was back then.

What have you learned about/from your relationships?


Jojo said...

I don't know what happened, I was writing this super long comment but it just canceled itself! Oh well, what I was saying is my jealousy NEEDS to take a backseat because it's causing so much problems...yes it's probably immature but I just can't help it sometimes. My husband's definitely made me work hard at being a better person, and vice versa but we do it by tiny steps each day because if you don't compromise, a united life will never work out.

Semi-Charmed Wife said...

I think the biggest thing I've learned is that I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to be "on" all the time. I don't have to be in makeup and nice clothes. I can just be me, however I happen to be that day, and my husband will still love me (and STILL want to get it on!). It's hard for me to accept, but I'm learning every day that it's true...

Aleta said...

I read in your profile that you started with a LDR. My brother is in one right now and I'm hopeful that they have a long and lasting future of happiness together.

We can't be perfect, because we aren't. One of my cousins told me, "Everyone has faults. When you date someone they have a minimum of 10 faults. When you date someone else, they also have a minimum of 10 faults. You are only switching the faults, not finding someone perfect. It's when you find the faults you can live with and be happy with that makes the difference." I thought it was an interesting perspective..