Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Speak now...

...or forever hold your peace.

The most emphasized line in a movie-sized wedding because that is when someone inevitably brings all unsaid fears to light. But in real life does this happen?

Ok, I am not so much talking about the "wedding scene" per se, but more the moment when someone says what everyone else is thinking and just not saying it.

For example:
Guy: "I finally asked Suzy for her phone number and she gave it to me.
Buddy: "That's great it took you long enough, what's it been like 3 months?"
Guy: "More like 4, but I didn't know what to say.
Buddy: "Well good for you, you going to ask her out next week?"
Guy: "Nope, I called her last night and left a message, do you think it would be bad if called her again this evening to make sure she got my message?"
Buddy: "Yeah, you're totally going to scare her...are you desperate or something?"

While I'm not quite that bad (I get my ideas from somewhere, right?!) I am generally the person who speaks her mind, typically saying the thoughts most others are thinking. Depending on the situation I either elicit riotous laughter or wide eyed stares of disbelief. My intention is never to be malicious (although I have been known to make a few painful jabs) my remarks are merely the obvious as seen by me.

Case and point:
Guy comes in complaining every day for two weeks about something new each day. On the start of the third week he says "I don't want to hear anyone's complaints about this but..." and in chimes me "Neither do we, but everyday we listen to you."
No, This instance did not warrant the response from me that it got, but I have a habit of holding my tongue until eventually it just kind of spills over. I think things like this all day long, I've gotten pretty good at keeping them to myself except on these occasions where they slip out. Lately I've been getting worse-it happens more often.

My wonder now is should I apologize for saying these things or just let them be? Generally I am not sorry for what I said and feel no need to apologize however there are moments when the look of pure shock on someones face makes me feel bad about what was said (it is usually those moments I apologize for hurting their feelings and I explain that I didn't intend for it to come across that way).

Recently another woman - C - posted some pictures of her baby online of which I commented with the appropriate "How cute!" She then posts directly to me to take a look at the photos of said baby at which time I respond with, "She's adorable, looks just like D.Q." and attach photo of D.Q. as a baby. Of which I have not had a single response from C since then.

In my defense I have to admit that C is DQ's bio-father's wife and while I was trying to be nice there was something in the simple comment that rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps I was having an off day or perhaps I did feel that way and wanted to make her share in my feeling - I don't know. I wonder now if perhaps I should apologize or just let it be. I'm not really sorry for what I said(it was the truth,) I just feel bad at the thought of hurting her feelings because that was not really my intent.

Do you speak now or forever hold your peace? And if so, do you apologize for what was said even if you are not wholly sorry?


Jenn said...

I always say what I'm thinking--and never apologize--people who know me have come to accept it--even at work. At least they know I'm honest. ;-)

Semi-Charmed Wife said...

I tend to think carefully before I speak. I live in fear of hurting someone's feelings. I think there are upsides and downsides to both approaches, but I'd like to be more in the middle...

Kim said...

I always think and rethink what I am going to say.. In the end life is to short to be overly mean to anyone.

Kimmylyn - Joggingincircles

Jojo said...

I think in some ways everyone "thinks" before they say something. The clincher is if they THOUGHT WRONG in the first place. I don't think you should apologize because she probably already knows how you feel anyway, given the situation u know?.....saying something and then apologizing for it never really does something for me. My husband has this problem. By the time he apologizes I'm already hurt and it doesn't matter. Long term memory is ,excuse my french, a bit8h!