Believe

There is something to be said about writing when the emotions are real and raw and have yet to be dulled by time.  In the business world, those emotions can get you into trouble and more and more companies are trying to monitor social networks or create policies to prohibit usage of social network sites because people are letting their emotions run wild.  Personally, I've always had the motto of "Don't put it in print, if you wouldn't say it to a persons face" and that has always served me well.

Yes, there have been moments that I have had to take a step back, count to ten and sleep on it before I ever opened my mouth....but sometimes there are the moments when something happens and in the process of sorting through it, figuring it out, accepting whatever it is...the honesty in those emotions are humbling.

Today was one of those days for me.  Change - chaos - sudden and unexpected, meant to throw the tilt-a-whirl off balance once again, wondering if I should stand up or just sit here a little longer.  An opportunity to try something new, different and a place to grow.  That is exciting.  I have ranted and stomped my feet, I've thrown a fit, I've shouted at the world in frustration because I felt invisible and I felt like there was no progress being made.  I've made baby steps and those felt like every ounce of aggrevation were worth it when you see a project start to come together or you see a lightbulb light up with understanding.  I held on to those moments because that was all I had, until today.

Today, I was offered an opportunity to step outside my comfort zone, to see a different view and learn...I was chosen for a part I didn't even know I was auditioning for.  It is an incredible feeling to know someone noticed me and those who see me everyday, who know I exist, those people now sit and worry I will be no more....I hate the later feeling.  I am thrilled by the prospect of something new and yet frightened by the fact that I could fail miserably and be deemed a fraud by my previous successes.  As much as I am humbled by the confidence they believe me to have....there is a loyalty to the current group that I feel obligated to support.

No one can make this decision for me and there will always be pros and cons to any choice.  Perhaps it is time to put my 2012 word to the test and BELIEVE in myself.