Happy Birthday To You...

It's a beautiful day. The air is crisp, there's a brief hint of snow left on the ground, everyone is abuzz with excitement for the pending Superbowl game...just like it is every year at this time.
Among the daily tasks, unknown to the world outside I smile a little bigger, laugh a little louder and walk a little lighter because I have a secret.

pssssst. (you want to know?)

It's the hubby's BIRTHDAY!!! (and he doesn't know what he's getting)

For the first time in...oh I can't remember when...he doesn't know!

To the man who means the world to me ....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - you are by far the hardest person to fool I've ever met. This type of stunt takes months of planning and multiple players to keep you off our scent. You are often too smart for your own good, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I love you honey, I want nothing but the best for you, in any choice you make. You are our rock, our inspiration and I will do whatever it takes to help make your dreams a reality.

I Love You and hope you have a wonderful Birthday!

Helpless

I feel SMALL.

I feel VERY tiny.

I feel HELPLESS.

POWERLESS to do anything to get results.

I'm stuck between wanting to put on my tall 'Mom Boots,' step all in their crap and demand answers until I get what I want (even though I am NOT their mother)

&

Wanting to be patient, understanding, be their 'friend' and just wait until the time comes when I am needed.

I feel LOST.

I feel like I'm waiting for the phone to ring (as soon as I let my guard down) and someone is going to tell me "I'm sorry to tell you this, but..."

I fear this the MOST.

Even though I know this happens, it is life - we are born and we die - I am not ready to lose someone close to me and yet, I cannot get it out of my head.

When asked, "Do you think they would give up?" I am mostly afraid - they already have.

Don't let today pass you by...

Interview By Zandria

The other day over at Keep Up With Me, Zandria did a interview where she answers questions about herself by being interviewed by someone else. I've seen a few of these going around the Internet so I thought it would be interesting to participate. Lucky for me...I was one of the 1st 5 people to respond and so I get to be 'interviewed' by Zandria. I should have known when I asked to be interviewed, that this would be no walk in the park. Seriously have you read any of this girls posts? She is anything but dull and regularly challenges herself to new things (go check her out, she is always involved in something interesting), but alas I must have had amnesia on that day and now I'm left to find the answers to my own 'interview' questions. I will try to live up to your standard Zan, but I fear I am probably more boring than I seem. :)


1) You're doing the Special K Challenge. What’s the hardest part? What are your biggest temptations? (For me, it would be eating only three meals a day…I hope you’re allowed more than one serving of cereal for breakfast and lunch!) http://www.cafekel.com/2009/01/challenges-you.html
The hardest part about the Special K challenge is the food choices. It is cereal & cereal bars for meals, cereal snack bars & fruit/veggies for snacks and water/special K water for drinks. With one regular meal in the mix (any meal of the day.) I can usually eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast, sneak in a regular lunch, but cereal for dinner...um, not my first choice. I like variety so I have 4 different boxes of cereal with 5 different types of snack bars and I fill in a lot with fruit & veggies so I don't have to eat so much cereal snacks.

As for my biggest temptations, that is easy - the lack of caffeinated beverages. I admit it, I am a coke/diet coke/Dr.Pepper addict. I try to limit myself to 1 a day, but don't always succeed. I get to drink flavored water, but I still find myself taking a sip of my favorite beverage every now and again (yes, I steal sips from hubby's glass, so shoot me!)

2) Your New Years resolution was to "find and follow" your passion. You said you want to "stop putting myself second and start focusing on doing something that makes me happy." What steps have you taken so far, or are you planning to take? http://www.cafekel.com/2009/01/my-news-years-resolution-was-to-find.html

Part of find/follow my passion involves getting more involved in social media. I knew before 2009 began that there were going to be career changes coming my way and that would allow some flexibility in how I pursued my passion. In an effort to become more involved, I have signed up for BlogHer 09, I am getting more involved with the Memphis Social Media group and I am now a contributing writer at Blissfully Blended. Oddly enough, I am also starting a more social aspect to my job, that may not be what I had originally planned, but certainly is on the path to many more opportunities in the future.

3) If you got pregnant again and you could choose the sex and physical appearance of your unborn child, would you do it? Why or why not?
If I got pregnant again, I'd hunt down my last Dr. and shoot him - :) In all seriousness, with Little Miss, I decided to have my tubes tied and even now, as much as I love my children I am terrified at the thought of any more. If however, I could choose the sex and appearance I don't think I would. I've read some of the medical publications on 'custom' genetically altered children and while part of that idea is super appealing (I want super fast runner child to take after daddy) but its also kind of scary to think the child couldn't grow up to be who they wanted. Looking at my children, I love noticing they have my eyes and his chin, my smile and his legs. Watching them change and develop and grow it an amazing process. I can't imagine already having the answers. Although, knowing they were going to have an easy going, laid back temperament instead of my up tight, list making, retentive one would be nice.

4) You’re riding an elevator up to the 27th floor of a building when it suddenly stops. You call for assistance and the person who answers says it will take several hours before someone can come to your rescue. How would you react?
I'd like to think I'd be calm, but I have a sneaky suspicion that I'd probably not be all "It's ok, they'll get to us when they can" kind of attitude. I'd probably be more assertive and want to know why it will take so long, what the suspected problem is, who is being notified and 'can I have their number to call them myself?' I am not a patient person, but then again, if I could be trapped with sexy Brad Pitt or Britney Spears I think I could find ways to A. lure them into some hot 'this thing could plummet to the ground at any second' nookie or B. convince them to be my new BFF! :) (come on now, who wouldn't want to be ravished like the scene in thelma and louise?)
5) Twofold: What do you like best about your physical appearance? What do you like best about yourself that isn’t visible from the outside?
Growing up I HATED my eyes because they were so dark compared to the rest of me (fair skinned and blond hair,) but now I think they are one of my better physical traits. As far as what isn't visible, this is probably a 'whats on the inside that counts' kind of question, but as far as non-visible to the outside I'd have to say I like best about me ... my tattoo. I think it represents my personality in more ways than I could have imagined at the time I got it (12 years ago) so, yeah, not visible but definitely what I like best about me.

Ok, So the rules are as follows
1. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. Be sure to link back to the original post.
2. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
3. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
So the first 5 people who want to be interviewed leave me a comment saying "Interview Me" and I'll send you your very own 5 questions.

Also I'd love to know if there is anything YOU want to know. Ask away - my 200th post is just around the corner and I'm fair game to pretty much any question.
What do YOU want to know?

Fallen Hero

A Hero is defined as many things:

-Distinguished courage
-Regarded as a model
-Special characteristics that set them apart from others

My hero was all of this in my eyes. No, they did not have super human powers, they couldn't fly nor did they leap tall buildings in a single bound, in the eyes of a child there was nothing they couldn't do, they were infallible...until now.

Growing up we cling to what is familiar and hold on to the belief that happy endings are more than fairy tales, at least I did. Eventually life happens and we realize pumpkins do not turn in to stage coaches and rarely is our prince going to come whisk us out of our 'maid' quarters and into the palace without judgement. Innocence is lost and we see the light, but heroes...heroes can live beyond any story or tragic ending because they are larger than life.

I'm not sure why I chose this particular hero, perhaps because they were the only 'normal' thing in my life at the time, but I did and because of it my life was forever different. Story book heroes are not real, meaning they influence us from afar because they are a story. Sports, political and other influential people influence our lives by making us want to be better...we don't often time get to interact with them so we try to emulate what we believe them to be.

In my case, this hero was neither. They were very much real and very much someone I knew, because of this 'larger than life' image I believed of them I found myself small and incompetent in their shadow. I have spent my life believing at every turn I would never measure up because I wasn't 'good enough' no matter what I did. I believed this until the day my hero fell...the day they became my equal.

When my hero fell, the hardest part was not accepting they were human, but learning to accept the standard by which I judged myself was flawed. In the same instant the 'bar' came crashing down, I began to understand I too had grown up and was seeing them for the first time as a peer.

The day my hero fell was the day I learned I am good enough.

Do YOU still believe in HEROES?

Monday Madness - Cleaning

We (the hub and I) keep pretty busy during the week so when the weekend rolls around we (um, I mean I) usually have to play catch up with the house cleaning chores. There are some days when life gets the best of us and either the hubs or I cannot get to all of them so they pile up and then we are left doing MASSIVE cleanup when life dies down a bit.

Here are a few of the things I've learned when trying to enlist the help of the hubby with his share of the chores....

1. Do NOT tell him you will not cook again until the dishes are cleaned. He will suggest we 'eat out' as it comes in paper so the clean up will be quicker.

2. Do NOT tell him you will 'accidentally' turn his underwear pink (with a strategically placed red shirt) if he does not start getting his dirty laundry in the hamper. He will 'accidentally' bleach all YOUR underwear white while removing the remnants of his pink from his.

3. Do NOT tell him it is OK to watch Football while cleaning up the living room. That is like telling a child they can watch cartoons while cleaning their room...seriously, no cleaning gets done.

4. Do NOT leave him alone to make the bed. It is likely he will find his way back under the covers for a mid-day nap.

5. Do NOT wear your best lingerie to dust in hopes he will come out of his bat cave to help. He will come out of his bat cave, but not to help, only to stare.

What tricks have you learned that work/don't work?

Please excuse our mess...I am still working on some changes around here...Sorry!!

Fractional Friday

Random thoughts that permeate my brain today -

1. I want to go back home and crawl in bed. I am always so tired - I think this winter weather thing is starting to get the best of me. UGH!

2. I'm on Day 2 of my Special K challenge. I am doing ok, did 2 meals yesterday with cereal and one with a yummy garlic/lime shrimp salad, oh it was yummy. I am still on the wagon, so we shall see how it is going. You can still sign up to see if I fail and win a gift card...

3. I am excited about the weekend. No big plans except MASSIVE homework. UGH! Oh and we can't forget the laundry...always laundry.

Hope everyone has a nice, relaxing weekend! See you guys Monday.

Challenges & You

We all like to be challenged, Right?

Ok, some more than others I'm sure, but overall, I am the type of person who likes a good challenge. We are in the start of the New Year and while most of us resolve to do the things we know we don't really want to do OR we resolve to not make resolutions because we are going to break them anyway, I feel the need to make a few changes in my life. Changes that do not require a resolution, but perhaps a goal of sorts.

In order to focus on what I WANT to do I have decided to break it down into manageable pieces and create goals. (remember, I made a resolution, which I am working on, but I need a plan of action...er go = goals) To get from point A to point B I need to focus on how and one of my first goals is going to be Lose Weight.

I'm not talking massive miracles here (but if your listening, I would gladly accept one) Instead I am talking about 6 pounds of unwanted weight.

Why just 6?

Glad you asked.

It's not that I have just 6lbs I want to lose, nope I'd prefer much more than that, however, 6lbs gone and I feel better about myself AND I decided to do the Special K challenge, which says UP TO 6LBS in 2 weeks. Since the challenge does not guarantee 6lbs in 2 weeks I am going to extend this time frame by 2 additional weeks, making it a total of 4 weeks which is a relatively normal and healthy weight loss of 1-2 pounds per week.

You are all going to be my accountability.

If I succeed with this then I am going to owe you all a BIG Thank You, BUT (and it's a big BUT) if I do not lose the 6lbs by February 19 (4 weeks from today) I am going to give the first 10 people who comment a gift card to their favorite sandwich shop - i.e. Subway, Jason's Deli, McAlisters, Lenny's, Firehouse subs, etc. When you comment, be sure to leave your choice.
I'll update on Thursdays so be sure to check back.

What kind of Challenges are YOU tackling in 2009?

Sweet & Sassy

Being a mother, we spend our time teaching our children how to walk, talk, tie their shoes, how to dress themselves and how to become individual little people. When we are not teaching them the basics of life we are teaching them manners, morals, culture and values - the things we deem important in their knowledge. Somewhere in there we try to squeeze in a few moments to laugh and play all the while, knowing we are still watching out for these children we love so dearly.

As a mother, I can relate much more to my daughters, DQ and Little Miss, much more than I can Jr, because he's a boy. That is not to say we don't have anything in common, however, when DQ comes home and tells me about some 'smelly, gross thing' a boy did at school - I can laugh with her and completely understand where she is coming from. When Jr. laughs at the use of the word 'penis' or goes off to hunt creepy/crawly things...I am usually left with a dumb, blank stare on my face.

As their mother, I can relate to my daughters. As a woman I can relate to other women. While we are not identical we are still very much alike and have at some point, been there where they are now. So when the opportunity came for me to spend the day with DQ at the Spa - I gladly ditched the hub and snatched up DQ as if her life depended on it. Typically I would have never thought twice about taking my daughter to a Spa...for heavens sake, she is too young to enjoy that and usually those are my moments to get away and relax, but in this case, we were headed to Sweet & Sassy Spa and Salon for little girls.

Yes, that is right - Little girls who can get their hair done, mini-manis & mini-pedis, and makeup. It is down right adorable and the people who work there are so much fun I wish I could go there myself. They have make your own lotions, lip gloss, glitter this and glam that. DQ opted for a hair cut (shampoo, cut and style) and because she's been on her best behavior for a few weeks now I threw in a mini-mani. From the moment we stepped thru those doors her smile beamed from ear to ear and did not fail until bed time when she was informed 'her up-do' would not last until school tomorrow.

At least she had fun today....today where she was both Sweet & Sassy and I caught a brief glimpse of the girl of tomorrow.

What to my wondering eyes should appear...

I woke up this morning and expected a day much like many others. There was no reason for it to be special, it is cold, gray, dreary...in short, it is winter. I was in no hurry to leave the comfort of my warm bed, it was expected to be another day in the 20's but much to my suprise today WAS going to be different from all the other days....as the hub wondered back into our bedroom, without a word, he pulled back the curtain and lifted the shades and this is what I saw.

SNOW!!

Finally, our very first snow fall of the year. We have been miserably wondering around in the below freezing temps here, last week we were in the teens, but NO SNOW. I guess today is a very special day after all.

Monday Madness - Girls Nite Out

Things NOT to do when planning a Nite Out with Girls:

1. PLAN - Plan each minute and send out detailed emails letting everyone know what the evening will include, because who doesn't like to know that at 8pm they will be picked up, there will be 1.5 hrs allotted for dinner, then off to the event(ie movie/comedy/video arcade) for 2 hrs, then off to the club for a late night drink or two.

2. CARE - Ask everyone what night is best for them and plan the evening around them, despite the fact that YOU are the one who wants/needs the night out.

3. DRIVE - The evening will include drinking therefore, one must be sober so everyone gets home safely. Request the evening, Plan the evening and then Drive everyone for the evening too. Completely ensuring you have minimal fun.

4. BUY AHEAD - If your evening plans consist of anything that requires tickets, buy them ahead of time so that you can skip long lines or guarantee you can get in if it is sold out. Don't worry, someone will 'forget their money' and have to get you 'next time.'

5. ENERGY - Since drinking will not be allowed for the DD (i.e. you) start earlier than everyone else with some energy drinks like Red Bull or Monster or even an Espresso shot or two. You will be wide awake, wired and ready for a night on the town. If the police happen to pull you over for your sporadic driving, calmly explain "No, officer, I have not been drinking anything except for Red Bull and Espresso and I find it difficult to focus on just two lines. Do you blame me for drinking like this when I have these (point to drunken females around you) people for friends?" You should get off with no more than a warning.

What lessons have you learned from a night out with Friends?

Don't Commit me just yet...

When you least expect it, the unexpected happens and everything changes...

It felt like I was locked in a room (no not a padded one) in which I had nothing but four blank walls and a box of crayons. The door was locked and there were no windows, just a harsh light overhead. Me, being me...I would HATE to be locked in a room, despite the fact that I was given free reign to 'decorate' as I chose (hence the box of crayons and the note saying 'explore your artistic side.')

Instead of following the directions, I decided to twist the nob and yank and pull and push and scream at the top of my lungs - "LET ME OUT!!" The door did not budge. I beat on the walls with my bare hands, I kicked it till my feet hurt and when all else failed, I decided I should also bang my head against the walls(as if it would somehow magically make the difference.) All of it was futile and in the end, when my energy was exhausted, my voice hoarse from the screaming, my tears all run out, I picked up the box of crayons and drew a world full of vibrant colors and life.

Then something happened...

Just like that, the door unlocked and opened just a bit, not so I could run screaming "I AM FREE," but just a crack so that I know I can leave when I am ready. As I reached for the knob, intending to open that door and chew @ss of whom ever locked me in there in the first place, I hesitated...was it really so bad? Being in this place...was it so terrible after all?

I stood and looked around and the lines on the walls told a different story. It wasn't sad and dreary, it wasn't dark and gloomy, it was life. All around me in reds and blues and yellows and greens - life had taken shape and while I'm no Michaelangelo (I am more like a kindergarten kid who still colors outside the lines) I smiled because I had learned that sometimes I have to stop fighting the process and enjoy the creativity of life. Everything comes in stages and while we might not like the one we are currently in, if we look hard enough, we might just find our own 'box of crayons' to color with while we wait.

What are you going to do with YOUR box of crayons this weekend?

Recharge

My news years resolution was to find and follow my passion. This is the year I am going to stop putting myself second and start focusing on doing something that makes me happy.

"Well that sounds selfish," you say?

Actually, I gave it a lot of thought, but its not selfish to do something for ourselves. As mothers, as wives or as women in general, we spend a great deal of time doing for others. This is not to say that the men out there do not do "their share," but we work, take care of the children, the home, PTA, school projects - whatever it is, we run out of time and the person who usually is left to last is ourselves.

For example, I left work fully intending to pick the girls up from school and head to the gym. The hubs would take Little Miss and I would have an hour or so to clear my mind. Upon my arrival at daycare I was informed that Little Miss had a really rough day and from the moment I picked her up, she clung to my neck and wouldn't let go. After I got home, DQ had homework woes, Little Miss just wanted to be held and the hubs had a big paper due that he needed to focus on. So....I stayed home.

These things happen, I understand this. We make allowances for these things and adjust our plans, but what if we are the type who are willing to give in ALL the time or even MOST of the time? Eventually we need to unplug from life and recharge our batteries too. I know I am a better mother/wife when I've recharged, when I've had that hour away from someone screaming "MOMMY!!!" or staring at the mountain of laundry that is never ending or chasing the dust bunnies that keep reappearing (no matter how many I suck up.) I'm happier, I'm less stressed and I'm much more apt to be supportive of everyone else when I'm not running on empty.

Do you take the time to "recharge" when you need it?

W - the Comedian

After George W.'s final press conference yesterday, I must admit part of me will be sad to see him go. Oh, this is not to say that I agree with his politics or not (that is not what I am questioning) however some of the more humorous moments occur when this man starts to speak.

Take for example - in yesterdays final unscripted press conference, when George is asked about Mistakes he believes he has made during his presidency he states:

"Not having weapons of mass destruction was a significant disappointment. I don’t know if you want to call those mistakes or not, but they were — things didn’t go according to plan, let’s put it that way."

In 8 years in office this man has been the 'butt' of many a joke - so much so that he even spawned a little cartoon "lil Bush" (which I watched faithfully.) He may not have been the best President we've had, but he will not be forgotten...

Bushisms 101 -
"Your eminence, you're looking good." --George W. Bush to Pope Benedict XVI, using the title for Catholic cardinals, rather than addressing him as "your holiness," Rome, June 13, 2008

"We got plenty of money in Washington. What we need is more priority." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 2, 2008

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Feb. 28, 2008

What will you remember most about George W. Bush?

Monday Madness - Blogging

In the world of social Media, Blogging, Twittering, Facebook(ing), Plurk(ing), Stumbl(ing) are what we do. These are great things ... for those of us who do it, however if you are still living in a cave and are not sure what it is all about, then talking to an 'addict' can be a bit strange.

Here's why:

1. You know what the word "FODDER" means and can correctly use it in a sentence, more than once a day. (as in blog fodder)

2. Activities in your house are determined based on 'blog-worthiness.'

3. When having a conversation with a non-blogger, you ask them if you can use 'their story' because it would be REALLY FUNNY.

4. You now speak in 140 character (or less) sentences.

5. You inadvertently find yourself using "Txt speak" when writing non-text related items (and your not 16). "OMG-LOL-Srsly?-Oh Mah Holy Hell..."

6.You look at your husband and say with all seriousness "The Elf Restroom was funny, but I've already used that one...can you come up with something original AND funny... I need something new for NEXT WEEK!"

7. Your kids have no idea just how much blackmail you are going to have on them when they are 16.

8. You compose blogs and tweets in your sleep.

9. You find yourself checking your crackberry/iPhone/Computer every time you pass it to see if there has been any new updates in the last 5 minutes.

10. You've never met them, but you feel like you know your 'friends' better than some of your 'in real life' friends.

If you can answer yes to more than 2 of the above, you might just be addicted to Social Media. (I am)

Are you an addict?

Friday Funny - Road Trip

It's Friday and while I'm thrilled to have a few days of not having to get up before the sun, this week wasn't one of the best. So instead of my usual "Fractional Friday" I'm providing you with a "Friday Funny."


While driving down the road listening to blue collar comedy on the radio Jeff Foxworthy comes on and is telling a story about his daughter.

She comes to him and his wife one day and asks:

"Is wrestling considered SEX?"

They chuckle and respond with:

"well honey that depends on how hard you wrestle."
*nudge nudge wink wink*
"Why?"

It's at this point the hubs and I giggle at the reference when from the back seat we suddenly hear a voice pipe in

"I don't get whats so funny?"

OH CRAP - DQ was listening...wasn't she just asleep????

Have you recently had an "oh crap" moment?

Got Faith?

Do you have Faith?

Faith is defined as:

1.	confidence or trust in a person or thing

2.	belief that is not based on proof

For many it is a belief in God or a Higher Being, I am not getting into the religious debate so for the purpose of this post, I am going to simply leave it at the definitions above.

I have faith. Faith that there is a bigger purpose for me than I am aware, faith that I am not alone in this world, faith that everything has a reason-even if unknown to me. I have always had faith, but I have not always held onto these beliefs as strongly as I do now.

Yesterday, I got the phone call I had known all along would come, the one I was preparing for and yet, secretly hoping I could escape, and you know what? Despite the fact that I had plenty of fair warning-it made my chest tighten up as I sucked in air like someone had just sucker punched me in the gut.

I sat there, listening to the person on the other end with a smile plastered on my face so no one around me would know and spoke with a more "up beat" chirp in my voice than necessary to try and mask my immensely growing fear. Doubtful that I succeeded, but then again perhaps no one knew.

Knowing it is coming does not make it easier.

The day I proclaim to the world that I have decided to seek my "passion," the day I take my stand against the great unknown and just like that, it laughs in my face and brings me right back down to earth, only this time a few inches smaller than I was when I started.

On the surface, everything is clearly defined, explanations and logic fall neatly into place. I could easily tie a pretty bow on this package and put it on the shelf with all the others, but in my heart I know there is something I am meant to understand that is just below the surface, something I can't quite see yet. I've talked about change a few months ago, at which time I had nothing to go on but a feeling. A few months prior to that I asked you all "If you would want to know what lies ahead?" Not because I knew what was ahead, but because I felt something. Even this morning as I sorted thru emails, one small quote at the end of a friends note caught my eye -

"Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk."

So what am I trying to say?

Yesterday sucked, to put it bluntly and for today I'm holding onto faith that there is a bigger picture, that I cannot see or understand yet, but there is something in store much greater than the fear I currently harbor. Fear is my greatest weakness and I am doing my damndest to over come this right now, not really sure how, but knowing that while things could be so much worse, this is not a problem I am facing so much as an opportunity waiting to be seized.

Have you seized your opportunity today?

Steps towards a New Beginning

You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough.

This was what my fortune cookie revealed to me, where now it sits visible as a daily reminder to myself. Desperation is a funny thing - it can make people do funny things, things they normally would not find themselves doing. Sometimes this is a good thing, as it can spur you into action when it seems the chips are not in your favor and cause you to get creative or pursue your passion and sometimes desperation can cause you to explore options not normally in your nature because you feel you've been backed into a corner and have no other way out.

I don't want to be desperate though, to find what I love or to get what I need...so then what?

What do I want? It's a question I've asked myself many thousand times before - a question usually answered with silence. A defining silence that echos within the spirit of my being because I was afraid to answer that question...afraid I might not find what I wanted. So what is it that I want...what is it that I truly desire in this world, beyond my health and a good life for my family full of love and opportunity to see my children grow and thrive?

I want to be inspired.

I want to feel passion in what I do.

I need to feel challenged.

I need to feel alive.

So where do I go from here?

2009 is said to be a year for big change - its electrifying the air around us-perhaps that's true, but for me, I am feeling the urge to seek out my place in all of this...to fuel my passion and go after what my heart desires. I do what I currently do because its easy and it comes naturally. Nothing more than the ordinary is expected of me and I chose this path specifically because of this. A while back, I found my self at a cross roads and took the one that looked like the road less traveled. It was dark, bumpy and more than once I fell down, scrapped my knee and even got beat up once or twice along the way. So when that path intersected once again with this one, I did not hesitate to move to a more favorable, well lit one. Looking back on the experience I notice one commonality...I was tired and ill prepared for the journey the first time. I struggled down that road because I did everything the hard way and sometimes I think you have to do it the hard way first so that you can enjoy and fully appreciate when it is done right.

Problem for me is that what was intended to be a quick break in the action, became instead a place for me to hide out and blend in with my surroundings. A place to become complacent and satisfy only my basic necessities. It did nothing to foster personal or creative growth, it did not inspire me in any way and often times left me mentally starving. Instead of fighting my way out of this slump, I dug in and made myself a more permanent fixture on the wall because it paid the bills and didn't require me to think much...something I was tired of doing.

Now however, I am stagnating in this place I've come to call my prison and need to break free and resume active participation down the path of my own life. That is the part I'm not so sure of...the part that requires me to let go of my familiar surroundings and step into the unknown fueled only by my hearts desire, my passion.

In the spirit of all things new with the changing of the calander, my resolution this year is to find my passion. My wish for each of you in the year 2009 is that you find your passion and let it lead the way.

Doing what you like is freedom, liking what you do is happieness!

What do you think?

Ok, it's up and functional again...

What do you think?

Changing

There are a few changes here at CafeKel, please bear with me as I get it put back together. I ran into a tiny snafu this weekend ... Sorry!

Fractional Friday

It's Friday AND it's 2009. Can you say Whoopee! (Ok, I know I'm goofy, but come on this is exciting stuff)

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's Eve and has fully recovered from their excitement. Anyone broken their New Years Resolutions? Anyone still writing their New Years Resolutions?

I have been writing mine, rewriting and revising, then erasing and starting over. I know where I want to go in 2009, know the general vicinity of where I'm headed but have yet to pick a destination so...while I tweak that a bit you will have to bear with the me who is free to be whomever she wants. :)

Actually, I am not free...I will be posting the resolutions next week, have some fun/colorful changes planned for CafeKel and have officially started on the Master Cleanse Diet. Ok, so I don't prefer to call it a diet (because what is lost is usually gained back once eating returns) but if you haven't already heard of this, it is basically a lemonade fast - hence the other name as Lemonade Diet.

It is supposed to do wonders by detoxing your body and giving your digestive system a rest. I've actually done this before about 2 years ago and since the hub was going to detox himself (from our unhealthy ways of beer and buffalo wings) I thought what better time than now. I don't have to cook...my kids, well chef boyardee is their new best friend. (don't you just love the irony)

Anyhow, I am in day one and will be doing this for 10 days...oh joy...wish me luck and yes, I'll let you know if I find myself stuffed into a pizza box by Sunday! :)

Have a Happy Weekend!

Happy New Year

Wishing you all the best in 2009.